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Something Left Unsaid
(c) Andrew Blott, December 2000

V1
I sit and I stare at the telephone
Tracing out your number in the air
I read out my script to the TV set
Psyching up to call you if I dare

This should be like child's play
I call people all day
Why's it have to be this way?

Chorus:
Did I think you were a mind reader
And that just a look would do?
Didn't want some awkward conversation
But I could have tried a word or two.
Like the sound of water dripping when I'm in my bed
The pain goes on and on and on inside my head
When there's something left unsaid.

V2
You turn and you run when I catch your eye
That just makes me feel I'm two feet tall
I know you're as desperate to clear the air
Drop the baggage and move past it all

Look at me just once please
Tell me what your heart sees
Must I get down on my knees?

V3
Believe me it's not meant to end like this
Realise there's still a way to go
I don't give a damn who was right or wrong
Who you are is all I need to know

You've been casting such blame
Never speaking my name
And you know I've done the same


[This message has been edited by Andrew (edited 12-24-2000).]

Hi Wyman.

Thanks for your posting. I was wary of 'displaying my wares' in case I got shot out of the water, but the replies I have had have been very generous and have encouraged me to put some more hours down.

I've been steering clear of unusual rhymes for fear of them sounding convoluted and tripping up the flow. That said, I often feel that I overdo the rhyming at times and it would be better to leave things a bit more free. The same goes for fitting to the rhythm, where I have something of a straitjacket approach. Any advice would be very welcome.
By 'rhymes that take two words to complete', do you mean things like 'go by' rhyming with 'so high'?
As for commercial aims, I'm not sure I have any, though hearing someone sing some of my stuff would be nice (or even myself, but I don't think medical science is up to the challenge yet).

Andrew

Hi Andrew....I liked this....and are glad
you're able to put music to your words....
...the only suggestion I have is maybe
using some adjectives and or adverbs in
places to make it more descriptive....
I am not an experienced writer...so I can
only tell you what I see..... on the
first line...if you change a few words
and say I fix my stare.....it may leave
you a syllable to give an adjective in front
of telephone.......in the next line (I think)
can't see it now....in front of air....
can you think of a word that might describe
air.in place of the (the)... and if you fill in (not sure what
line that was..... I (rehearsed my) script
it may give you a syllable for an adjective
in front of tv set.....Just my thoughts....
keep writing.......

Kaley

Thanks Kaley. Thanks again Wyman.

Wyman: Can you suggest a few songs I could listen to that have the types of rhyme that you're referring to? I'm into country too so stuff on CMT is fine.

Kaley: The three suggestions you make are all where the word 'the' appears. Is it the repetition of 'the' that you think needs changing or are you meaning to add adjectives in any case, even if 'the' remains?

Thanks
Andrew

hi back Andrew....yea, I read somewhere Or
someone has told me... probably both.....
that don't just tell it show it....so
if your sitting on a chair... it can
be a chair or it can be upholstered chair or can be a faded upholstered chair....
I don't always do a good job of describing
stuff.....but the times I have been able to..
you could both see and feel it more....ya know?......

for what it's worth...and sometimes...be
cause of line length etc...it's almost
impossible.

Kaley