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I just finished penning this one and am looking for some feedback. It's a little rough but don't be afraid to let me know what you think!

Blue Guitar
copyright Chris Kent 2003

V.1.
When I was just a young one
A boy no less then twelve
My daddy took his guitar
From its place upon the shelf
He let me hold it in my arms
Pluck each silver string
Then he took it back it again
And with a hush began to sing,

Chorus:
He said, "This guitar is special,
It's a gift from high above,
For when I play a melody
It's like a chorus of speaking doves.
It's my blue guitar, my baby,
The singer of old songs
And when it plays a melody
The songs go on and on"

V.2.
I looked at him with saucers,
The eyes that showed my youth,
And everything I heard that night
Was like the sigh of spoken truth
He held my heart in silence
Had my soul filled up with awe
And when he sang those words again
My tears were all I saw

Chorus

V.3.
Well my daddy died in April
On a calm and somber day
With roses at his head and feet
In a lily field he lay
Well, late that night I ventured
To the house he called our home
And I took that blue from off the wall
So I could play his favorite song

Chorus

[This message has been edited by OdyScoop (edited 03-10-2003).]

[This message has been edited by OdyScoop (edited 03-10-2003).]

[This message has been edited by OdyScoop (edited 03-10-2003).]

Chris...This song is very moving.
I copied your original lyric and put my suggstions in parentheses. Emily

Blue Guitar
copyright Chris Kent 2003

V.1.
When I was just a young one (when I was very young)
A boy no less then twelve
My daddy took his guitar
From its place upon the shelve
He let me hold it in my arms
Pluck each silver string
Then he took it back it again
And with a hush began to sing,

Chorus:
He said, "This guitar is special,
It's a gift from high above,
For when I play a melody
It's like a chorus of speaking doves.
It's my blue guitar, my baby,
The singer of old songs
And when it plays a melody
The time keeps coming on" (the songs go on and on)

V.2.
I looked at him with saucers ( MY eyes were like saucers)
With eyes that showed my youth
And everything I heard that night
Was like the sigh of spoken truth
He held my heart in silence
Had my soul full deep in awe
And when he sang those words again
My tears were all I saw

Chorus

V.3.
Well my daddy died in April
On a calm and somber day
With roses at his head and feet
And in a lily field he lay ( Drop the word "And" )
Well, late that night I ventured
To the house he called our home
And I took that blue from off the wall
So I could play his favorite song

Good luck with this song.
I love songs that are tributes to
those that are special to us...

Emily




[This message has been edited by Emily Sanders (edited 03-09-2003).]

Hey Chris...

Couple of thoughts for you...

From its place upon the shelve [SHELF]

He said, "This guitar is special,
It's a gift from high above,
For when I play a melody
It's like a chorus of speaking doves

Not sure the "doves" thing works here. Maybe,

He said, "This guitar is special,
It's a gift from the LORD
He makes my fingers fly across the neck
With every melody and chord

just an idea..

V2 lines 1 & 2 sound awkward to me as does line 6 because it's backwards...i think MY SOUL WAS FILLED WITH AWE is more conversational of how someone would say that IMHO.

Just a few thoughts for ya when tweaking!

Emily,
Thanks a lot for your comments! I took a few of your suggestions and changed some lines around, I hope now things make even more sense. The idea for this song is not really from the memory of father (he's still alive and doesn't know how to play the guitar) but more from where my mind went after I read the Wallace Stevens poem "The Man with the Blue Guitar." It's an amazing poem and I hope this song lives up to its inspiration.
Thanks again for all your advice!
-Chris

Blakeh,
Thanks for your reply. I changed up line six of v.2. a little bit, I left in that broken syntax because I love how it sounds. I decided to keep with the doves though, I think it works if sung well and I'd rather not bring religion into this song. Thanks for your reply and advice, its helping me get this to where I want it!
-Chris