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Real Deal
by Brian Austin Whitney - 05/07/26 01:38 AM
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Flyte
by Gary E. Andrews - 05/06/26 05:36 PM
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 384
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 384 |
Hi folks!
Here's a new one, it's a little bit darker and a little bit moodier! but I kind of like it...please critique! Thanks
Best Wishes,
Brian.
"Leave Me Be"
(09/30/02)
© 2002 Brian Eggertsen, All Rights Reserved
Verse 1
Don't want you coming here no more
Don't want you barching in like that,
Hiding in corners like a roach
You're trying to squeeze through small cracks.
Verse 2
Wherever there's room there is you
Crossing every line man has made,
To sep'rate the sheeps from the wolfs
Wish you'd stay behind you're own gate.
(Spoken)
And inside...
Verse 3
I died such a long time ago
In the arms of a greedy heart,
Drowning me in nowhere to run
Whispering empty words so dark.
And just leave me be...
Chorus
So just leave me be,
Let me get some sleep.
Cast some light on your shadow
So it won't bother me,
And take you dark sky with you
So I can be sat free.
Now just leave me be...
Verse 4
Thought it through and the reason why
I thought my feelings would grow real,
Is both childhood memories
And cause I know you couldn't deal.
Verse 5
I could only hold on for so long
Now the greener grass starts to fade,
And I have come to realize
That I have made a big mistake.
So just leave me be...
Bridge
Know I should hit the road
Know I should go astray,
Running down the coridor
Wish it was yesterday.
As the sun starts to rise
I've got no place to stay,
But you won't leave this place
So my love's gone away.
My frustration's rages,
Cause I'm turning no pages.
Now just leeave me be...
Chorus
So just leave me be,
Let me get some sleep.
Cast some light on your shadow
So it won't bother me,
And take you dark sky with you
So I can be sat free.
Now just leave me be.
Yes just leave me be...
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 1,997
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 1,997 |
Hi Brian, I have some suggestions. I didnt have time to go through the whole thing. Have to get ready for work. I'll come back later on. Take Care Ria Don't want you coming here no more Don't want you SNEAKING in like that, YOU HidE in corners like a roach You try to squeeze through small cracks. (this doesnt really work sicne you dont use this analogy anymore in this) Verse 2 Wherever there's room there is you Crossing every line man has made, To sep'rate the sheeps from the wolVES Wish you'd stay behind youR gate. (Spoken) And inside... Verse 3 I died such a long time ago In the arms of a greedy heart, Drowning me in nowhere to run Whispering empty words so dark. And just leave me be... (I LIKED THAT!!) Verse 4 Thought it through and the reason why I thought my feelings would grow real, Is both childhood memories And cause I know you couldn't deal. (this seemed really forced and it doesnt make a whole lot of sense.) ------------------ Ria's Song Lyrics
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"Stop the process I call 'waiting to live.' This is the worst type of procrastination, because there will always be another 'reason to wait' lurking ahead. Once you are in this rut, it is nearly impossible to get out of it. Instead, adopt a 'Live as you Go' mentality." -Brian Austin Whitney
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