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Hi all. This is my first posting here in a week, and it's not even a new one! But first, allow me this little bit of off-topic indulgence-- I'm gonna be on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"!!!!! My girlfriend is too, in fact. They're taping a first-ever "couples week" on the show next week, and out of the 200+ couples that auditioned in Detroit and Las Vegas last month, we were one of the 20 that passed the written test and interview and got picked. Our first show should be airing on the 15th. And supposedly, we'll be on a second show if we don't get in the hot seat on the first one. I just hope they have some fastest-finger questions on music!!!

Anyway..... back to the lyric. This looks to be the first lyric I'll be demoing with the help of Greg Nihem, a local musician who occasinally pops up on the songwriting message boards. I need some advice on it before he starts finding a melody for it. I particularly would like some thoughts on whether you like the alternate lines in the chorus and whether you see this as an up-tempo song (I do, but maybe that's inappropriate).

I look forward to your feedback. Thanks!


DON’T LOVE ME
©2000 Anthony Torres
All rights reserved

Please tug down on your skirt
And watch the way you flirt
I just got dumped and used
But you’re too good to refuse

No, I don’t want to dance
It could lead to romance
But we lock hands and eyes
While I yell deep inside--

(Chorus)
Don’t love me
I’ve got enough problems as it is
Don’t love me
Let some other guy call you his
(ALT: Be hers to someone else’s his)
You can kick, punch or shove me
Make a big fool out of me
(ALT: Or take advantage of me)
But woman..... whatever you do
Don’t love me

I surrender to your charms
As you melt in my arms
We gently sway as one
My head tells me to run

We sit and talk awhile
I find you’re just my style
So I get down on one knee
And beg you, “Baby, please--

(Chorus)

(Instrumental Bridge)

(Chorus)

(Tag)
Whatever you
Do, don’t
Do, don’t
Do, don’t.....
love me

Mornin' Anthony,

and Congratulations! both on the tv show and on this song. One of the best damn tags
I've ever read...and it works so well with this. Thoroughly enjoyable read.

dawg

I like this song a lot!! It's one of my favorites of yours. I don't like your optional lines in the chorus as well as the originals, though. I'd go with your gut on those. The tag is cool!! I love the "Don't Love Me" hook. There's really nothing to not like here, except this line:

"We gently sway as one"...that's a bit too poetic for the rest of the lyric IMO. How about, "We were starting to have fun" or something like that. I actually had a pretty good melody for the chorus going, and it was uptempo. Best of luck with the demo and with Greg, he's a great guy!!

Can't wait to watch you and your girlfriend on TV!! That is soooooooooo exciting!!! You must be unable to concentrate on anything else right now!! Can't wait to see if you win a million, that would be so cool!!

Best of luck to you!!

Tink

Anthony, I hope you do well on that show! I'm gonna watch it for the first time...now...if you win big, I'd like to put the bite on you for seed money, haha.

------------------

Hi Anthony! Big congrats on your upcoming game show!! I wish the two of you all the luck in the world! Hope you walk away with a million! Really nice song here. I cast my vote for the original lines you have here. Uptempo seems the way to go. About the line that was mentioned:
"We gently sway as one"
This is not a bad line but I see this song as being entirely "tongue in cheek" and this line just seems too "romantic" here.
Could you use:
"MY DEFENSES ARE UNDONE"
Seems as if it would meter the same and it would probably fit thoughtwise. This title/hook works really well. I also think your tag is great!! Good luck with your demo!

Hi Anthony,
On the alternate lines I like the first...Let some other guy call you his better
Then: I like "Or take advantage of me" better...think it fits the song better cuz you let her...take advantage then realize you like it...
Pam


[This message has been edited by Hurley (edited 05-02-2001).]

Thanks, everyone! The nice thing about reposting a year-old lyric is that people seize upon different criticisms of it than the first time. The "gently sway as one" thing never reared its ugly head 'til now, but you're right-- it's too poetic. I'll definitely change it. The other comments are food for thought, too.

And I'm getting more nervous about "Millionaire" as each day passes! I'd like every person I've ever known to watch me, but at the same time, I don't want them to see anything stupid or embarrassing if they do. Arrrrgh! We should all have such problems in life, though. Thanks for wishing me luck.

Keep those critiques comin'!

Anthony

Big congrats on the show appearance, Anthony! I'll have to watch that. Very cool. The song's good too, I've read it a few times before, I think. I liked it then and now. Most of the little problems look worked out to me. Good luck on the show!

Corey

Hey Anthony,

First off, let me say, I am so jealous. My husband and I would love to be on Millionaire together. Together we seem to get most of the answers--from home anyway. Good luck. Please give us a post over on the Songwriter Board when you get an air date for the show.

As for the lyric, I think it's great. I like let another guy call you his, but instead of guy, I would say "man." Then I like the alternative best for the second choice--take advantage of me. Real cute. I'm into the cute ones tonight.

Ashleigh

Hi, Anthony. We're trading critiques today! I agree that this sounds up-tempo. As for the alternates, I like "Let some other guy call you his" and "Or take advantage of me". The only other comment I have is that in the first part of the first verse, I may say "You may be too good to refuse" instead of "But you're too good to refuse". The original way it sounds like you've already made up your mind NOT to refuse her, but then in the next line you're back to saying no. Otherwise, I really like this!

Ricki

Thanks, Corey, Ashleigh and Ricki!

Ashleigh-- I had no idea you were Brian's husband! Your suggestions are good. I'm so divided between what to do, I may never decide.

And Ricki-- that's an interesting point you make about the first verse. I didn't mind that he was already making up his mind by the end of the first verse, but maybe that's too soon.

Thanks to everyone for looking in! I should be on "Millionaire" on Sunday the 13th if you wanna tune in!

Anthony

Anthony, good luck with the show and good luck with this song. I was hearing this as up tempo, similar to "Don't Make Me Beg" by Steve Holy - love that song. Cheers, Judy

Hi Anthony,
Best of luck on the show! Cute song. My vote..uptempo, original first line, alt. second line. I agree about changing the 'gently sway' line also. Cool little hook! Love the tag! Good luck with it.

Anthony,

What?!? Brian's husband? You are joking, right? We are of no relation. My husband is not a songwriter. He's in the Army. Anyway, I had to post back to this. Plus, I'm a girl.

Good luck,
Ashleigh

Thanks, Judy, Char and Ashleigh!

Ashleigh-- Now I'm confused. The designation under your user name is "Lord of This Board", and I always thought that was Brian's designation only. So when you mentioned your husband, I figured that was him. Did you take over the board from Brian or something??? I don't get it. Somebody help me out here!!!

Anthony

HI Anth'!

Wow---I can see it ALL Now---You Two WIN The Millyun Dollas & Start your Own Record Label...Then, Life as We Know It REALLY Gets Interesting! GOOD LUCK on the Oppa-Tunity, Amigo!

Meanwhile, I go with The Crowd here...Nix on the Alternative Lines...and, WHAT's with the Opening Line, anyways?

In My Limited Experience of Tuggin' DOWN Girls' Skirts, it was Generally to REMOVE 'Em...(Not Exactly the Sense you Wanted to IMPLY Here, eh?) So maybe "Please do NOT Remove Your Skirt" for Line One?
Yeah, it has an Extra Syllable...but so does the Next Verse's Line One...

Maybe "Time to get down on one knee"
since you just used "I" in the Line Previous...

Real Cute Song, Agree with the Gang that's a Wonderful TAG, Overall it's
Negative Psycholgy at its Best!

Oh..."We Gently Sway as One" could be Rewritten "Lord, have Mercy, this is FUN"

Good Luck with The Song...AND The Millyun & Regis!

Big Hugs,
Stan

Hi Anthony, only have a minute here...
to tell you congratulations on being selected on the Program..and also this song
looks good too...

KK

HEy Anthony,

Maybe it's good you brought this up, in case anyone else is confused about these titles. Brian is the Bard of the Boards. All board moderators have been designated by Brian as Lords of the Boards. So Patrick Bryant and TerriLyn also have this designation. The actual phrase is "Lord of this Board" but that is there regardless of what board you post on. Hope this clears it all up for everyone.

Ashleigh

Hey, good luck on the show. Now, back to the song: I love the title, and that's why i clicked on it. I didn't really keep that enthusiasm in reading the lyrics, though. I wonder if there's another 'better' lyrical development that you could do here... the setup and resistance here seem more like a 'novelty' than a real person in a 'real' situation... and I also felt the 'kick, push or shove me' line was there just to rhyme with 'don't love me', and it didn't contribute to the song... there are other near-rhymes you might consider if you have any interest in re-sculpting that line. However, overall, I still feel the title is stronger than the actual lyric-story, and I find myself wishing for... I dunno, something else (vague feeling)... sorry I couldn't be more upbeat about this one, but I just love the title as I said before, and then...

Hi Anthony ,
Good luck on the Millionaire show.

Ilike this lyric a lot, the only two lines that need replacing for me are the
Srrender in your Arms
And the .......... Charms.

They are cliche from the fortys and early fiftys, that is the only thing that let's this down, rewrite those two lines and you have an EXCELLENT SONG LYRIC,

Best wishes Peter Kristian

Hey Anthony, good song hear. I'm late to the party so missed out on the nits. But sounds like you have some good suggestions here. Good luck on the show. I'll be watching, lol.


hotrod

Hi Anthony....I may have to live to 103 to catch up on everything I've missed out on lately. I just had to read this one...even if I'm last in line. I think the nits have been picked and you probably know what you're doing with this by now, but want to put my vote in for original on the first line that has an alternate, and the alternate on the second line. Also, I had no problem with the tugging down on the skirt. I knew exactly what you meant....have had to do it myself a few times. Good luck on the show! I'll definitely try to watch. Now if you win, I think you should start your own label and give us songwriters a start! Seriously....best of luck to you....I'll be pullin' for ya!

Howdy Anthony!! Wow..what a deal! I sure hope you do well on the show. I won't get to see it unless someone tapes it for me since we don't get tv reception up here. Do us proud, man!

Not much left to nit at that hasn't been covered. I vote for the first original and second alternative. Lose the charms/arms rhyme...cliche to the max. In your first line...delete the "ON" and it will meter fine. The tag is great.

Bobbie

Love it! Good luck on Millionaire!

I'm off to New York for "Millionaire" this morning. We tape two shows on Tuesday. Thanks to everyone for their good wishes, and thanks for your help on the lyric. I'll try to let on how I did on the show when I get back. You're not supposed to say anything, so I'll be cagey, unless I didn't get in the hot seat at all, in which case I'll just say so.

See y'all Thursday, probably.....

Anthony