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#1216424 05/13/26 07:33 PM
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Another lost classic, haven't listened to in while

Really like this. Just a laid back b side, but one of my favorite bridges.

https://soundclick.com/song/15253087
Purple Balloons hangin on air
styro foam cups and plates on a chair
selfies and smiles tacked to a cube
echoes of laughter the night's interlude

Twas Somebody's birthday
A day shift hooray!
I'm here through midnight
when blue turns to gray

A silk haired latina toes through the aisle
vacuums the crumbs and gives me a smile
empties the bucket then poof she be gone
a row of fluorescent now one's only on

Twas somebody's birthday
now aint that the way
I listen to B. B.
till blue turns to gray

When blue turns to gray
it's 4 am
and the deer look for windshield to smash
When blue turns to gray
radio host talks "anything goes"
the moonlight and stars all collapse

Twas somebody's big day
A day shift Hoorah,
I work through midnight
When blue turns to gray

Last edited by Fdemetrio; 05/13/26 07:55 PM.
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Originally Posted by Fdemetrio
Another lost classic, haven't listened to in while

Really like this. Just a laid back b side, but one of my favorite bridges.

https://soundclick.com/song/15253087
Purple Balloons hangin on air
styro foam cups and plates on a chair
selfies and smiles tacked to a cube
echoes of laughter the night's interlude

Twas Somebody's birthday
A day shift hooray!
I'm here through midnight
when blue turns to gray

A silk haired latina toes through the aisle
vacuums the crumbs and gives me a smile
empties the bucket then poof she be gone
a row of fluorescent now one's only on

Twas somebody's birthday
now aint that the way
I listen to B. B.
till blue turns to gray

When blue turns to gray
it's 4 am
and the deer look for windshield to smash
When blue turns to gray
radio host talks "anything goes"
the moonlight and stars all collapse

Twas somebody's big day
A day shift Hoorah,
I work through midnight
When blue turns to gray

Bump

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Very pretty reminiscent with the bridge rich in harmony reminiscent of Magna Carta

Nice and simple Dom...music and story

Production notes?


If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop

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Lots of furniture , sounds good man


We’re all built from the same dust and dreams,
Different roads, but the same means.
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Originally Posted by John Voorpostel
Very pretty reminiscent with the bridge rich in harmony reminiscent of Magna Carta

Nice and simple Dom...music and story

Production notes?

Thanks, its about the isolation you feel working in a building where everybody else is gone. Kinda feel left out. I wrote this while working, a contract night job. I'd go home at 6 am.

Had an office window where I could see the sky change as hours passed. Was blue when i was getting there, then turns black, then wee hours of morning turns gray before it becomes blue again.

And kinda a double hook of blue, as in feeling blue

Feels like your the only one alive.

Music is dreamy and quiet and mellow, to suit the picture.

I think anyway u, might disagree.

Was not trying to make this a hit, cause it wouldn't be.

Not everything is a catchy massive hook

AND, I wrote it on the clock, so I can say I was paid to write this..

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Originally Posted by bennash
Lots of furniture , sounds good man

Thanks, I got the furniture at a discount furniture store nearby

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LOL...like the getting paid to write this. yes the setting came through as did the events...and that furniture store must have been an after ours visit

I wanted to know how the song was produced.

If that is you or AI like my\our SUNO?


If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop

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Originally Posted by Fdemetrio
Originally Posted by bennash
Lots of furniture , sounds good man

Thanks, I got the furniture at a discount furniture store nearby


Now thats not a bad joke. You'll get to the studio eventually, if I keep offending you. it's not god damn rocket science , You stand up there and sing. oh yeah robots. That thing you hear in the headphones is the music , you sing to that and ask the producer how was that ? Most likely he'll say sing it again , you'll be completely drained when you leave. You'll get home and listen to it, and say "God Damn that aint bad and pat yourself on the back" . Then make fun of people who use Suno and robot jokes. Get banned from forums for being a assholee. Listen to Bill Burr , fucke your groups. Cuz you tell some senior citizen he sings like a Bassett hound. Most likely mention Dylan . Who is a 2028 artist ? you'll get I have no idea. All I listen to is oldies on radio for 9 bucks a month , Well no worries they're still having sex in a chevy. in the back seat of course , cuz the steering wheel gives you cramps . Most likely her name is Jenny . You can bet a million dollars, it was by a river and the moon was shining .

Last edited by bennash; Yesterday at 08:46 PM.

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Originally Posted by John Voorpostel
LOL...like the getting paid to write this. yes the setting came through as did the events...and that furniture store must have been an after ours visit

I wanted to know how the song was produced.

If that is you or AI like my\our SUNO?

Well its definitely not me singing, I dont have a British accent. It Was produced in udio, painstaking listening to probably hundred takes till its close to what i want.

But im very pleased with the results, the exact mood was looking for.

You may not think so, but getting good takes on your lyrucs, requires a good ear, and knowing what is worth it and what ain't.

I messed with this again, just to see if I coukd make it a bit more blues.

Could not get it to do better than this.

The 6/8 timing, was perfect for flow of lyrics.

It does not fare as well in 4/4 time

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Originally Posted by bennash
Originally Posted by Fdemetrio
Originally Posted by bennash
Lots of furniture , sounds good man

Thanks, I got the furniture at a discount furniture store nearby


Now thats not a bad joke. You'll get to the studio eventually, if I keep offending you. it's not god damn rocket science , You stand up there and sing. oh yeah robots. That thing you hear in the headphones is the music , you sing to that and ask the producer how was that ? Most likely he'll say sing it again , you'll be completely drained when you leave. You'll get home and listen to it, and say "God Damn that aint bad and pat yourself on the back" . Then make fun of people who use Suno and robot jokes. Get banned from forums for being a assholee. Listen to Bill Burr , fucke your groups. Cuz you tell some senior citizen he sings like a Bassett hound. Most likely mention Dylan . Who is a 2028 artist ? you'll get I have no idea. All I listen to is oldies on radio for 9 bucks a month , Well no worries they're still having sex in a chevy. in the back seat of course , cuz the steering wheel gives you cramps . Most likely her name is Jenny . You can bet a million dollars, it was by a river and the moon was shining .

I will never be going to the studio, but I WILL be switching to suno, playing and singing the tracks in a daw.

Plus I will be using alot of my musical ideas too.

But just wanted to master this way of doing it, which I think I have

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just messing with you dom


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Different roads, but the same means.
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Originally Posted by bennash
just messing with you dom

I know but you half mean it to.

And you're probably right, I should be putting myself in it

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Thought you were Dom....shaping it, prompting it.. that is putting yourself into it.....but UDIO sounds like lots of work...


If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop

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Not really a big deal , Download stems and sing it. or hire session players , it's fun and something to do . Who knows you might become famous and get a coke addiction. Ego tall as MT Everest . My only regret is not being able to see myself live . like Kanye West. of course he lost 4 billion in about 4 seconds , whoops

Last edited by bennash; Yesterday at 10:40 PM.

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Originally Posted by John Voorpostel
Thought you were Dom....shaping it, prompting it.. that is putting yourself into it.....but UDIO sounds like lots of work...

Its same as suno really, they are both competing with each other.

Definitely alot of work, anything worthwhile is. Occasionally the first thing you try works.

Then you think damn if I had just rhymed this line here, this would be awesome.

I think it helps you as a lyricist too. How ideas become songs

Yeah there's me in it, spiritually lol and lyrically, but ultimate will be to be physically in it

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Originally Posted by bennash
Not really a big deal , Download stems and sing it. or hire session players , it's fun and something to do . Who knows you might become famous and get a coke addiction. Ego tall as MT Everest . My only regret is not being able to see myself live . like Kanye West. of course he lost 4 billion in about 4 seconds , whoops

Yeah I dont you can really use the tracks for a real song, cause its a bit like a karaoke track.

But next 10 years or so are gonna be interesting, all the different opinions on Ai battling it out in song

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Yeah you need session players , Maybe just an acoustic vocal it's really no big deal. Pretend your somebody lol


https://www.youtube.com/@NickyV

its really no big deal , He tracks out acoustic . You sing to it in studio. He's real good , He can take that robot , drop it or to raise to you key, its still fantasy football . but who cares.
Man with you ego , you do that , you'll be unbearable lol. until then your just a button pusher. Your offensive Elvis . You sound like a Blood hound with a toothache

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Originally Posted by Fdemetrio
Thanks, its about the isolation you feel working in a building where everybody else is gone. Kinda feel left out. I wrote this while working, a contract night job. I'd go home at 6 am.

Had an office window where I could see the sky change as hours passed. Was blue when i was getting there, then turns black, then wee hours of morning turns gray before it becomes blue again.

.

To my view,

Your explanation of the contemplative nature of the isolation was interesting. And more interesting than the song itself.

The "lullabye" music was appropriate enough regarding a song that is about night and isolation, but dragged to my ear, sounded dated and the vocal was not pleasing to my ear.

I think that the subject matter would make a better poem, where no music would give any cues to the listener, only the words sounding in the reader's imagination. The theme and it's content would thereby be and feel more "isolated." I'm doing so, it would echo the experience for the reader.

The song also looks like purely personal introspection and "self-therapy."
Which is fine, IMO, people who like to write and do it for years, do it first-off for the peace, fulfillment, etc, etc.

Relate-ability with this particular circumstance is low, yet relate-ability with the theme of alone-ness could be high.

If you want more people to relate to this, I suggest, isolating the emotions felt and applying them to some more universal circumstance.

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Originally Posted by Sunset Poet
Originally Posted by Fdemetrio
Thanks, its about the isolation you feel working in a building where everybody else is gone. Kinda feel left out. I wrote this while working, a contract night job. I'd go home at 6 am.

Had an office window where I could see the sky change as hours passed. Was blue when i was getting there, then turns black, then wee hours of morning turns gray before it becomes blue again.

.

To my view,

Your explanation of the contemplative nature of the isolation was interesting. And more interesting than the song itself.

The "lullabye" music was appropriate enough regarding a song that is about night and isolation, but dragged to my ear, sounded dated and the vocal was not pleasing to my ear.

I think that the subject matter would make a better poem, where no music would give any cues to the listener, only the words sounding in the listener's imagination.

The song also looks like purely personal introspection and "self-therapy."
Which is fine, IMO, people who like to write and do it for years, do it first-off for the peace, fulfillment, etc, etc.

Relate-ability with this particular circumstance is low, yet relate-ability with the theme of alone-ness could be high.

If you want more people to relate to this, I suggest, isolating the emotions felt and applying them to some more universal circumstance.

Marty, all you care about is country. I cant cater to you. You dont like my style. Thats ok.

No matter what style you dont get it. Again that's fine.

I disagree that people couldnt relate. You also say that aboit everything I do.

Lots of people work overnight. Especially in today's workd. And ive heard these sentiments from them.

And the theme of isolstion can be converted to anybody situation, its powerfully part of us

I also disagree that its dated, this is Mumford and sons, arcade fire, Americana pop.

Much more current than you want to think.

How bout this?

What if there was a movie, depicting somebody working alone, with alot on their mind, what if i submitted this to play during that scene


Would work perfectly, wouldn't it.

I also disagree that people cant empathize with an artist, even if they night not experience it.

If that's your honest view, ok, not gonna yell at you.


I

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Originally Posted by Fdemetrio
Marty, all you care about is country. I cant cater to you. You dont like my style. Thats ok.

No matter what style you dont get it. Again that's fine.

I disagree that people couldnt relate. You also say that aboit everything I do.

I

Dom,

I grew up on Hendrix, Led Zep and the Allman Brothers.
I write "country" because it is a story teller genre.

Your song is thematically simplistic, the circumstance is simple and straightforward and easy to "get."

You say that you want attention, critiques and "real" opinions, rather than puff attaboys.

I gave you one.

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Originally Posted by Sunset Poet
Originally Posted by Fdemetrio
Marty, all you care about is country. I cant cater to you. You dont like my style. Thats ok.

No matter what style you dont get it. Again that's fine.

I disagree that people couldnt relate. You also say that aboit everything I do.

I

Dom,

I grew up on Hendrix, Led Zep and the Allman Brothers.
I write "country" because it is a story teller genre.

Your song is thematically simplistic, the circumstance is simple and straightforward and easy to "get."

You say that you want attention, critiques and "real" opinions, rather than puff attaboys.

I gave you one.

Its not thematically simple, its complex. When blue turns to gray is and abstract idea. A vivid scene painted.

And great lines like

When night turns to day
Its 4 am
And the deer look for
windshield to smash.

Show me a line like that here.

The fact is you will never credit me.

Its not attention I want, I want universl reviews, some of the somgs here are weak, you never say it.

That's dishonest

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Originally Posted by Sunset Poet
You say that you want attention, critiques and "real" opinions, rather than puff attaboys.

I gave you one.

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Originally Posted by Sunset Poet
Originally Posted by Sunset Poet
You say that you want attention, critiques and "real" opinions, rather than puff attaboys.

I gave you one.

So you lie to everybody else?

Joined: Jan 2017
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Thats a personal attack your banned for 30 days, Were going to cut your finger off on the next insult.

Last edited by bennash; 2 minutes ago.

We’re all built from the same dust and dreams,
Different roads, but the same means.
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Originally Posted by Fdemetrio
So you lie to everybody else?

No. I don't lie. I typically isolate something about people's songs that I like and comment on why I like that particular aspect of their song.

I do that knowing that most people just want to be validated, and I do that because I want to avoid ongoing situations such as.. this one.


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