JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum Done Preaching (mastered?)

Here, I'll start us off...

They’ve got opinions about opinions
But just one story to tell
I'm too old to be a star
I ain't got nuthin' to sell
My guitar is outta’ tune
It only has five strings
Can’t play the damn thing anyway
And nobody wants to hear me sing
‘Cause I suck!
Yeah, I know I suck...

All these lyrics keep me awake
My dreams won't let me sleep
Can’t type so I have to write
Can’t see so I shouldn’t drink
Yea’ I’m the one that won't shut up
'Cause the critics think they're smart
With my long hair ‘n boxer shorts
I’m a blasted work of art
And i suck!
Yeah, i know i suck...

I think morons rule the radio
Commercials are way too long
Wanna’ tell me how to live
Won't even play my song
It’s like some cosmic joke
Pills... 'cause pricks don't work
But the tune in that advertisement
Was played by this jerk... Ha!
‘Cause i suck!
Yeah, I know I suck...

That's FUNNY and you KNOW it!

Chorus? Bridge?

Title it?...."I Know I Suck"

BRIDGE

I got my marijuana.
I got my meds from doc.
And if I smoke enough, I really buy this crock,
That I'm a real song-writer
And the world awaits my song.

But when the weed wears off,
My gawd! ....Im just a dong

Knowin a little about structure and actually how to write a blues song might help you parody one. Ahh but theres nothing to learn...

Came up with this, spare time kinda thing ahemm

Songwritin Blues

Well I went out to the woodshed
cause I got some good advice
as I made my Telecaster talk
seemed the rest was paradise

till I got them...

Songwritin blues
and my head is turnin like a screw
I got them songwritin blues
and my head is turnin like a screw
and it's gotta be well past midnight
yeah, Im still here searchin for a clue

"'Dont bore us, get to the chorus"
now, I aint no fan of that
but if it was so freakin easy
id be rich instead of fat

The songwritin blues
and my head is turnin like a screw
I got them songwritin blues
and my head is turnin like a screw
and it's gotta be well past midnight
yeah, Im still here searchin for a clue

Ya gotta live the blues
ya gotta feel the notes you play
but, when it comes to writin
you gotta learn the rules
somewhere, along the way

Yeah, them songwritin blues
good lawd... im gonna crack that code
Yeah, them songwritin blues
good lawd... im gonna crack that code
uck them folks who think they know it all
done fed up with their stinky loads

Songwriting Blues....

Those lyrics are poorly metered, and the subject matters is diffuse and wandering.
And unrelatable.

Grade: F MINUS

And in case you didnt know....

Definition of diffuse (Entry 1 of 2)
1: being at once verbose and ill-organized

If you understood anything about how the blues is played or sung, youd know its not poorly metered. If there is one or two extra sylabes here there, that is enhanced by performance

oh realy diffuse subject matter, your bit about marijuana makes alot of sense. I believe the subject matter was provided to us, you did a HELL of a job with yours

Grab your guitar play an E blues vamp
E /A7 /E /E7
A /A7 /E /E7
B7/A7/
turnaround
E E7 A A7 Adim

Back to top.

Not reality. Saying it dont make it so. Neither does trotting out a few simplistic chords.

My bit about marijuana makes perfect sense, except probably to those in denial.

You need to clean it up.

simplistic chords.... thats standard stomp blues. Embelish with 9ths, 11ths, 13ths if you wish

You really dont know much, yet you argue

Let me know when you wrote something better. Hint...its not yet

I know how simplistic everything that you have presented is. As if adding a 9th or 11th or 13th was some la-di-da achievement that only the wizard can obtain.
Your defense of your song is just words concerning things that happen in the ether and in your imagination...but not down here on earth.
Once again simply saying something does not make it true, even if said with a flourish.

My critique is correct.


FLOURISH
(of a person) wave (something) around to attract the attention of others.
"“Happy New Year!” he yelled, flourishing a bottle of whiskey"

You really created quite the perfect atmosphere for this song with the bluesy and soulful instrumentation that opens this song and your vocal, in both tone and style, was amazing. I really like the way you sing and the attitude that you conveyed here was spot on. Favorite line? Probably "We sell freedom for a phophet and give the Devil his due." Looks light you are not quite done preaching afterall. Good stuff. Good luck with it.

Bobby Wayne

It also doesnt make it true because you said it, actually it makes it less true.

Was it supposed to be complex? I didnt see that in the criteria...

But I will say, this is the dumbest lyric ever written

BRIDGE

I got my marijuana.
I got my meds from doc.
And if I smoke enough, I really buy this crock,
That I'm a real song-writer
And the world awaits my song.

But when the weed wears off,
My gawd! ....Im just a dong

You two just keep inspiring me... lol

I can't dance with Mary Jane
Can't drink and sing the blues
'Cause my adoring public
Says I gotta' follow rules
You may wanna' think twice
About the musical life you choose
Songwriters are a dime-a-dozen
And critics don't suffer fools

Fd

You wouldnt know.

On this website, when MAB makes a case for something, he does it with clarity, even when lengthy.

You have lucid moments, but mostly are meandering and digressive, following your thoughts where they may lead at the time. It's foggy.
MAB reads like a very seasoned working professional who actually does know the rules.
You read like a duffer, like me, like most of us here. At times, such as your recent flourish...you read like a pretender.
Yet, you want this website to be the unofficial FD school of song critiquing where you establish the rules and everyone gets in line with your curriculum. That is DOA.

And the fact that you cant realize how DOA it is, underscores how much of a duffer you are.

I dumped on your lyrics because they are not very good and to give you a current case in point as to why...your version of tough love song critiquing....is neither accurate, nor meant for this site.

Best yet.

But you are an interloper. This thread is now about Fd's stompin blues song.

No YOUR lyrics suck. You have zero understanding of how to structure a song, zero understanding of the tradition of blues.

You just think you are smarter than everybody. I dont know why that is, its proven over and over again you dont know what your talking about

MAB does not post his songs cause he thinks hes above that. People who put out albums dont, cause how would it look, you releaseing an album, and somebody saying something that the lyrics are weak

MAB was trying to do business, And just like, if you offer critique services for money, you dont tell the person they stink, you encourage them, that keeps the gravy train going. I dont think its anything sinister on his part, its just how you approach it

THAT is DOA here. NOBODY is doing business here. Except Demo people. And you werent going to see MIKE give his opinion of half the songs he recorded. that would be bad business

Time to get woke

This from the man that wrote "Out Of Toilet Paper Blues!" I am truly humbled Sir. Liking your style as well Bobby, keep'em coming

It appears once again...you missed the point and derailed on some side street.

I know why MAB doesnt post here. At least, I understand the the supply and demand part of it. What you are blind to is why his opinion (and people with his background) on anything musical is so much more valuable than yours.

Which underscores why this site should not be the Fd School of songwriting and tell-it-like-FD-sees-it critiques.

By the way, MAB's name is Marc Barnette, What is yours?

You guys keep bringing up Marc Allen Barnett, so I'm gonna' go ahead and ask... Are you two aware of "my" history with Marc?

I don't think you should drag MAB into this feces slinging contest. He's not in the cage with you.

Can't write the blues, my lyrics suck
Luckily I don't give a ****
Can't sing, can't play none of my guitars
But I sure can talk out of my arse

Ironically, those are the best lines ever written by anyone in the history of music. Throw those turds at me. They will bounce off without leaving a mark because I know I'm a genius.

Is that how it looks from you petard there Gavin?
Or have you entered the cage?

I bring up MAB only to compliment him and use him as a benchmark to contrast his skills with duffers. I am a self confessed duffer. If he prefers that I not, I won't. But it is a long incredulous stretch to say that I believe that he and I are on the same songwriting level.

In other news...you actually read this crap! Why?

20 Questions?
No. Is it monumental? AA? ALANON? Half-Way House? Girl Scouts? LOL

Marty brings up MAB cause he makes everybody feel fluffy and equal. Its a nice way of living, but its also pointless on a critique forum. And he feels he has leverage if he mentions MAB. MAB is not going to tell Marty his lyrics stink However, Mab is flexable, Marty is not, he is the irresitable force verses the immovable object

No Japov not aware of your history.

I like MAB for the most part and he has some good ideas and great stories.

There are times when you wish your own thoughts were acknowledged as valuable, and are not.

Nobody is hangin around here cause they have better things to do, better places to be, songs to be placed and careers to be had.

They come with a glimmer of hope of that, or something to announce or plug.

Its rediculous that because Marty doesnt think somebody should talk about somebody's song, that's the way it has to be.

There are several songs up there now where people made comments, it wasnt me.

Equal?
What are you talking about?

And no, I dont think that no one should comment on another song. . It is pointless to suggest that a come-one-come-all song site should be a place where ammys tell other ammys how the cow ate the cabbage. That's just a recipe for lunacy.

Why?
Because ammys dont have the miles to actually know. And there is nothing wrong with saying "nice tune" and moving on.

No leverage, no more

What leverage are you taking away? Do your meds fade towards nighfall?
You say a lot of things so far off of any mark that only meds, weed or mental illness explains it.

Dont bs a bser. You think MAB has the final word and hell agree with you and be all over.

If MAB doesnt think people need to work on their craft, hes wrong. But I KNOW he doesnt think that, he focuses on what HIS business is.

But with songwriters not doing any business I doubt theres any business for him, which is why his advice comes free now.

I "KNOW" too why he doesnt post songs. Lets say somebody wrote a book on lyric writing, and offers a service for lyric writers to improve and then posted a lyric and somebody says "gee thats not anything great, how the hell are you an expert"

Alot of times these people who write books, got lucky, and they now write books, cause they cant get songs cut themselves any more.

The other most obvious reason is... what the hell is the point? especially in Martys world {Well, lets see, I know the song will be safe, cause nobody is allowed to talk about it, so ill get my song demeoed and wow everybody!)

The other most obvious reason, is false praise, i sometimes feel a faint wet kiss on my buttocks, but i cant help but think i sat in some water instead.
Good Job...! I like it! Excellent production and song,,,, now can I provide you with a link to my song??

Oh theres tons of reasons NOT to post, all valid.

It's weed that causes this?

I dont know what it is, but theres one word for this conversation "Check Mate"

Horrible poker face Marty.

Check mate?

Meds?

Accept defeat Marty. Ya got nothin.

My work is done here.

Well...with that...Here is a fitting conclusion to this thread.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdNrSZm18Gw

No this is fitting....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvlTJrNJ5lA

I've been convinced of your particular flavor of genius for quite a while now Gav!

I've tried to burry the hatchet with Mark recently, SW101 is ancient history now... Besides, I've definitely noticed a change in him lately

"I wont back down?" Really?

If you truly view the silly sh t that goes back and forth in threads like this one, on a song site frequented by hobbyist songwriters... in those terms?...You are deluded.
Cut out the weed? Talk to your doc about the meds? Call a help line? Your reality is blurred badly.


And Tony

Dont piss off MAB anymore. From what I see, he is the only voice here who can speak with broad real world experience about pop song construction. The rest of us are just ammys and hobbyists doing OUR particular individual things.

Such as the song that you posted here. Which I like much and consider talented compositionally and musically.

I promise to be a good boy... lol.

BTW, I actually prefer "I won't back down..." Just Sayin'

OHHHHH this is priceless.........

I HOPE MARTY IS LISTENING..... SOUNDS VERY FAMILIAR LMAOOOOO

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MC3weXtXmPM

I'd actually like to hear some of Marc's old rock songs from "way back in the day"...

repeat ... OHHHHH this is priceless......... Belly ache....

I HOPE MARTY IS LISTENING..... SOUNDS VERY FAMILIAR LMAOOOOO. ONLY MARC can say all this according to Marty , well he said it. REWRITE YOUR FACKING SONGS, GET THEM REVIEWED AND STEP AWAY FROM THEM, RUN THEM BY EVERYBODY... anybody.......

Even he didnt say you need to check with him...lollllllll

Well, this is progress I guess

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MC3weXtXmPM

I like the song too. But as was applied in this case, it seems like something that George Constanza would say if he ate too many mushrooms.
Dumb and weird at the same time.


Just sayin'

Ha, lol... Don't you mean Kramer?

Perfect song, your not gonna bully me, not gonna throw MAB into the conversation, well ya can try, but then it gets thrown back at you, where your hero said the same exact things ive been saying the whole time.

Still laughing, side splitter. Well it should come as no surprise that when I say something its usualy correct, when Marty says something its usually not....UNLESS, you want to now throw MAB under the bus and say HE"S Wrong TOO

songwriter/ music consultant lol,, double whammy for making a living.

Heres mine. Im a songwriter, Actor, Comedian, philosopher, all around swell guy.

MAB needs to come around and tell Marty to start workin on his songs, polishing them wont make them better.

Call a help line.

Down ya go Marty....

Put your songs up for critique while theres still time!!!!

Am I?
Well, c'est la vie.

Regardless of what happens to me, you should talk to someone.

"BUMP"

Lol... The good ol' days

Where did all the music go?


I absolutely love this
everything in between is noise now music maestro please please


They�ve got opinions about opinions
But just one story to tell
I'm too old to be a star
I ain't got nuthin' to sell
My guitar is outta� tune
It only has five strings
Can�t play the damn thing anyway
And nobody wants to hear me sing
�Cause I suck!
Yeah, I know I suck...

All these lyrics keep me awake
My dreams won't let me sleep
Can�t type so I have to write
Can�t see so I shouldn�t drink
Yea� I�m the one that won't shut up
'Cause the critics think they're smart
With my long hair �n boxer shorts
I�m a blasted work of art
And i suck!
Yeah, i know i suck...

I think morons rule the radio
Commercials are way too long
Wanna� tell me how to live
Won't even play my song
It�s like some cosmic joke
Pills... 'cause pricks don't work
But the tune in that advertisement
Was played by this jerk... Ha!
�Cause i suck!
Yeah, I know I suck...

I did an acoustic rough of that lol... "Don't Suck"

I'd look it up if the search function worked... The only reason I found this is because some random anonymous visitor dredged it up

Just know then I liked this...definitely walks towards that hook

Me I'm still with my low tech Handy McSmartphone that I'm sure could do better ...

...have a Rhode mic but it makes no appreciable sound difference as far as I could tell

oh well .

Lol... Go back and read this whole thread...
We've never agreed, but we used to be entertaining

6/25 update
https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=15021436