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Thank you, Matt. My inspiration for this came from your "Kindling" post:
Originally Posted by MFB III
David you are a glowing ember, keep warming the world around you, and if enough folks follow your example you could start a bonfire of love in your area of the world. Thanks for your heartwarming g comment, your like and your listen.
Weird, I typed up an in depth review but it got nuked somehow.
In short, you need to rewrite "one and only" out of your lyric. I have used it myself too often, but it really is a worn out cliche. Ember is a nice word to build around, and I would rewrite the cliche lines and refocus the song to pay off the Ember focus in each verse/chorus. Use descriptive words that are less common, and remmeber to advance the story to a new place, good or bad, in each verse and even consider switching up the chorus lines so they don't repeat exactly each time through. I think that would serve your song well.
I suggest always posting a full text version of your lyrics with your song link so it is easy to breakdown while typing a response. I had broken down several examples but clicking on your link caused a hiccup and for me to lose my post. And now I would have to go back out again to re-view the lyrics on Suno.
Anyway, some thoughts. Cliches are bummers when it drowns out the best part of the song, which is the ember thread/progression.
Brian Austin Whitney Founder Just Plain Folks jpfolkspro@gmail.com Skype: Brian Austin Whitney Facebook: www.facebook.com/justplainfolks
"Don't sit around and wait for success to come to you... it doesn't know the way." -Brian Austin Whitney
"It's easier to be the bigger man when you actually are..." -Brian Austin Whitney
"Sometimes all you have to do to inspire humans to greatness is to give them a reason and opportunity to do something great." -Brian Austin Whitney
I'm not sure how I missed your response, Brian, but I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner. I will definitely consider his and see what else I can come up with.
Weird, I typed up an in depth review but it got nuked somehow.
In short, you need to rewrite "one and only" out of your lyric. I have used it myself too often, but it really is a worn out cliche. Ember is a nice word to build around, and I would rewrite the cliche lines and refocus the song to pay off the Ember focus in each verse/chorus. Use descriptive words that are less common, and remmeber to advance the story to a new place, good or bad, in each verse and even consider switching up the chorus lines so they don't repeat exactly each time through. I think that would serve your song well.
I suggest always posting a full text version of your lyrics with your song link so it is easy to breakdown while typing a response. I had broken down several examples but clicking on your link caused a hiccup and for me to lose my post. And now I would have to go back out again to re-view the lyrics on Suno.
Anyway, some thoughts. Cliches are bummers when it drowns out the best part of the song, which is the ember thread/progression.
Okay.. Worked on a couple of things. How's this one?
[V1] The beach gets cool when the sun goes down without a soul in sight You and I decide to start a bonfire in the night when we run out of driftwood and watch as the flames die I hold you close to warm you then you begin to cry
[V2] Summer's almost over and soon you'll have to leave I want to know you better but there's no chance for reprieve the fire's glow is fading as I try to warm your hand Though neither of us say it I know you understand
[CH] Back home when you feel cold and lonely I need you to remember though the flame is gone I'll always be your warm and glowing ember
[BR] Inside our feeling's burn Our passion will not wait Though the fire light is dim the heat within is great
In the midnight sun we fell in love In the midnight sun we fell in love
[V3] A couple years have come and gone My life forever changed No goodbye. No sad, sad song just memories remain I watch the waves as they kiss the sand I think of you and I My heart can feel that glow again as I begin to cry
[CH] Here at home when I feel cold and lonely I can still remember though the flame is gone you'll always be my warm and glowing ember
[CH] Here at home when I feel cold and lonely I will always remember though the flame is gone you'll forever be my warm and glowing ember
[OUTRO] In the midnight sun we fell in love I will always remember In the midnight sun we fell in love I will always remember In the midnight sun I fell in love with you My warm and glowing ember
Your reporting , she knows all that she's standing right there. You could ask her questions and not be reporting. Should we start a bonfire in the night ? Now its not reporting , your talking to her if I hold you close will you begin to cry , talking to her.
There was one country hit that reported , but 99% they don't
if your on a corner talking to someone , your not going to say to that person We're here eating a sandwich , that's reporting. They know that , their standing right there
Last edited by bennash; 12/12/2412:46 PM.
We’re all built from the same dust and dreams, Different roads, but the same means.
That band gets away with it , their fans aren’t going to say your reporting, only a writer would notice it in Nashville. They write all their own songs I'm aware of . it's funny I would remember the song , it's old now .Their V1 makes no sense , you would not say that,
You're riding right beside me in my car....You would not say that , silly she's right there Looking like you wouldn't tell me no I'm thinking about taking it too far I don't think that we can make it home A hotel room or a parking lot 'Cause I got it bad and I can't stop The feeling that I gotta have you right now
Last edited by bennash; 12/13/2408:32 AM.
We’re all built from the same dust and dreams, Different roads, but the same means.
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