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#1192142 12/04/23 05:09 PM
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I wish I could write a good song and sing it w my uke or guuitar as instrument.
To this end I joined a song writing workshop. At the end of the course we have a two hour stage show in a downtown nightclub and must sing 2 songs each. Dec 17.
So I'm focused...need help! crazy

V1
Kicked to the curb
At 72
What do I do?
What do I do?

Chorus
Keeping it cool
Breezing along
Sing a song, or two
Keeping it cool

V2
A little disturbed
By current events
What do I do?
What do I do?

Chorus
Keeping it cool
Breezing along
Sing a song or two
Keeping it cool.

V3
Pandemic inflation
Warring nation
What do I do?
What do I do?

Music interlude

Bridge
I'll make a hugh pot of stew
Get some bowls
Take it to the door
Of the war nations border
Side step a warlord , or four
Feed the Poor
Feed the Poor

Chorus
Keeping cool
Breezing along
Sing a song Or two
Keeping it cool.

Last edited by Bill Draper; 12/08/23 02:50 AM. Reason: added bridge lines
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I think your chorus should rhyme. Choruses should be fun to sing, independently from their meaning, and that's where rhyme comes in. All you have to do is change the order of the lines. Depending on the melody, you can either keep or drop the "or two." If I was writing the melody, I'd keep it, stress the word "song" and sing "or two" as part of the next line, but a different melody might benefit from dropping it.

I'm keeping it cool
Singing a song, or two
Keeping it cool
Just Breezing along

Good luck with your show!

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"Keeping It Cool" Copyright December 4, 2023 by Bill Draper

(Verse I)
I'm a little disturbed
by current events.
What do I do?
What do I do?

(Chorus)
Keeping It Cool!
Breezing along!
I'll sing a song or two!
Keeping It Cool!

(VII)
Pandemic! Inflation!
Warring nations!
What do I do?
What do I do?

Keeping It Cool!
Breezing along!
I'll sing a song or two!
Keeping It Cool!

(Instrumental Bridge) Keep it brief.

(Lyrical Bridge)
I'll make a huge
pot of stew,
take it to the border
of the nation next door!
Feed the Poor!
Feed the Poor!

Keeping It Cool!
Breezing along!
I'll sing a song, or two!
Keeping It Cool!

(Coda)
Keeping It Cool!
I'll sing a song, or two!

The 'kicked to the curb' Verse was not coherent with the other two, and was not given relevance by other Verses or the Chorus, or the Bridge.
Simplify. Seeking 'focus' you can make it about the 'current events' which ARE given relevance and coherence with each other, and in the Lyrical Bridge.


There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
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You can hear it in the sound, so get up on your feet
I got no time to be, got enough of playing safe
The rain beats on my skin
Sad memories return


(Chorus)
But I'll Keep keeping It Cool!
Breezing along!
I'll sing a song or two!
Keeping It Cool!

I think you need the (But ) , its the drama then the answers with but
Have fun on stage

Last edited by bennash; 12/05/23 09:54 AM.
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Originally Posted by Gavin Sinclair
I think your chorus should rhyme. Choruses should be fun to sing, independently from their meaning, and that's where rhyme comes in. All you have to do is change the order of the lines. Depending on the melody, you can either keep or drop the "or two." If I was writing the melody, I'd keep it, stress the word "song" and sing "or two" as part of the next line, but a different melody might benefit from dropping it.

I'm keeping it cool
Singing a song, or two
Keeping it cool
Just Breezing along

Good luck with your show!

Yes thanks for that suggestion Gavin. I DO want the chorus to be fun to sing w catch melody with rhyming. I need to work on the music now to test the rhymes.

One thing I noticed reading through various lyrics here and elsewhere is the use of a prechorus, to power into the chorus.
I could start the verses slow, then a prechorus like....pick it up, pick it up, pick it up....then full swing sing in the chorus.

Bill

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Originally Posted by Gary E. Andrews
"Keeping It Cool" Copyright December 4, 2023 by Bill Draper

(Verse I)
I'm a little disturbed
by current events.
What do I do?
What do I do?

(Chorus)
Keeping It Cool!
Breezing along!
I'll sing a song or two!
Keeping It Cool!

(VII)
Pandemic! Inflation!
Warring nations!
What do I do?
What do I do?

Keeping It Cool!
Breezing along!
I'll sing a song or two!
Keeping It Cool!

(Instrumental Bridge) Keep it brief.

(Lyrical Bridge)
I'll make a huge
pot of stew,
take it to the border
of the nation next door!
Feed the Poor!
Feed the Poor!

Keeping It Cool!
Breezing along!
I'll sing a song, or two!
Keeping It Cool!

(Coda)
Keeping It Cool!
I'll sing a song, or two!

The 'kicked to the curb' Verse was not coherent with the other two, and was not given relevance by other Verses or the Chorus, or the Bridge.
Simplify. Seeking 'focus' you can make it about the 'current events' which ARE given relevance and coherence with each other, and in the Lyrical Bridge.

Thanks Gary. I like understand and agree with all of that....great post. Kicked to the curb is the outlier, i wasn't 100% on it , but didn't really know why. Cool. thanks so much for that.
Bill

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Originally Posted by bennash
You can hear it in the sound, so get up on your feet
I got no time to be, got enough of playing safe
The rain beats on my skin
Sad memories return


(Chorus)
But I'll Keep keeping It Cool!
Breezing along!
I'll sing a song or two!
Keeping It Cool!

I think you need the (But ) , its the drama then the answers with but
Have fun on stage

Thanks bennash. Like that chorus change suggestion...adds definite bounce, with the T (but) and alliteration Ka,ka, T cooo...excellent.
Thanks also for the verse suggestion...heavier thematic, power to it too, rich poetic.
Bill

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Hey Bill its 2nd fret capo in G chord formatiion
Just walk downs, if ya want the melody

https://soundcloud.com/elvisnash/cool

You can hear it in the sound, so get up on your feet
I got no time to be, got enough of playing safe
The rain beats on my skin
Sad memories return


(Chorus)
But I'll Keep keeping It Cool!
Breezing along!
I'll sing a song or two!
Sliding along in a groove
Keeping It Cool!

Last edited by bennash; 12/06/23 05:51 PM.
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Originally Posted by bennash
Hey Bill its 2nd fret capo in G chord formatiion
Just walk downs, if ya want the melody

https://soundcloud.com/elvisnash/cool

You can hear it in the sound, so get up on your feet
I got no time to be, got enough of playing safe
The rain beats on my skin
Sad memories return


(Chorus)
But I'll Keep keeping It Cool!
Breezing along!
I'll sing a song or two!
Sliding along in a groove
Keeping It Cool!

Hey Ben,
Thanks for input. Establishing verse to chorus connection is the tricky bit, and I like the singer introspection notion you have. Its what I'm going for....dragged down by the world, but "don't worry be happy" in the chorus.
I've a rewrite, added some lines, expanded the bridge....see following post. I decided on some music, but need to sing it to proof.

The link to your music didn't work...if you upload again, I'll listen immediately.

Bill

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rewrite some, for music I will try

Chorus
C, Am, F, G

Verse
Fmaj, C
G, Em
Fmaj, C, G

Bridge
vamp in G






V1
If I am
Kicked to the curb
At 72
I will survive the rocky news By


Chorus
Keeping it cool
Breezing along
Sing a song, or two
Keeping it cool

V2
If I am
A little disturbed
By current events
I will click the link for less intense, And be

Chorus
Keeping it cool
Breezing along
Sing a song or two
Keeping it cool.

V3
Pandemics inflation
Warring nations
I will need a plan to keep my patience, And be

Chorus
Keeping it cool
Breezing along
Sing a song or two
Keeping it cool.
Music interlude

Bridge
I know, I know, this is what I will do
Get some bowls for a big pot of stew
Truck it to the doors of the sad wars borders
Side step a warlord or four, And be

Chorus
Keeping cool
Breezing along
Sing a song Or two
Keeping it cool.

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Some great suggestions above!
Why don't you post a "phone rough" so we can get a better bead on your rhythm/prosody wink

JAPOV #1192230 12/12/23 05:47 PM
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Originally Posted by JAPOV
Some great suggestions above!
Why don't you post a "phone rough" so we can get a better bead on your rhythm/prosody wink

Just working on the music now. Kept my original + my own changes for now and will pull from above suggestions as needed or required. Only five days to go before live perform.
I'll post music link here as work in progress.
Later

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Here is audio file:

Keeping it Cool

I used two mics into ZOOM R8. then created a "movie" w VSDC (free video editor)

I'm not used to using mics...so good practice...staying close to mic, enunciating, trying to avoid huffing and hissing etc.


Other notes:
I've changed the words slightly here and there....I need to update final sheet.

I think Ben's verse would fit in somewhere as well:

You can hear it in the sound, so get up on your feet
I got no time to be, got enough of playing safe
The rain beats on my skin
Sad memories return

Last edited by Bill Draper; 12/13/23 03:30 PM.
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I can hear what you're trying to do with the guitar rhythm, but it seems that it may be too difficult to play and sing at the same time.
I would suggest simplifying your strumming rhythm and just focus on your vocal delivery. Don't be afraid to sing your melody over just one rhythmic chord. Save the chord changes to signal verse/chorus/bridge etc.

You have a decent voice, WORK IT! smile

JAPOV #1192239 12/13/23 05:43 PM
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Originally Posted by JAPOV
I can hear what you're trying to do with the guitar rhythm, but it seems that it may be too difficult to play and sing at the same time.
I would suggest simplifying your strumming rhythm and just focus on your vocal delivery. Don't be afraid to sing your melody over just one rhythmic chord. Save the chord changes to signal verse/chorus/bridge etc.

You have a decent voice, WORK IT! smile

Excellent Tony! I'll work on just that.
Bill

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So... How'd it go?

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Tony!
It was a lot of fun. The show went from 7 to 9 pm and was funded by a City of Victoria grant given to the non-profit organization "Social Gathering Place" for folks recovering from mental trauma.

Great stage and fantastic sound equipment and technicians, really good instructor...Ben Wittrock playing a big sounding Taylor guitar.
I used all of the advise obtained here at JPF....had a terrible sound check initially, with my two guitar mics for guitar and vocal....but the sound guys did a great job in the mix and added a bit of reverb to my vocal....wow so much fun...it went well...I toned my guitar back and made sure I sang out clear like you advised.... I enjoyed sing the chorus as Gavin advised.

The show went so well....my son recited a poem he had written and my daughter sang a beautiful song her first ever completed song....so much fun.
Thanks Tony and JPF for your help here!!

Bill

Last edited by Bill Draper; 12/19/23 03:14 AM. Reason: removed an expired facebook video link
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I'll wait for the "debut" wink

Me and buttface don't get along... lol

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Sorry was gone on biz , glad it turned out well , good cause mental trama

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Originally Posted by Bill Draper
I wish I could write a good song and sing it w my uke or guuitar as instrument.
To this end I joined a song writing workshop. At the end of the course we have a two hour stage show in a downtown nightclub and must sing 2 songs each. Dec 17.
So I'm focused...need help! crazy

V1
Kicked to the curb
At 72
What do I do?
What do I do?

Chorus
Keeping it cool
Breezing along
Sing a song, or two
Keeping it cool

V2
A little disturbed
By current events
What do I do?
What do I do?

Chorus
Keeping it cool
Breezing along
Sing a song or two
Keeping it cool.

V3
Pandemic inflation
Warring nation
What do I do?
What do I do?

Music interlude

Bridge
I'll make a hugh pot of stew
Get some bowls
Take it to the door
Of the war nations border
Side step a warlord , or four
Feed the Poor
Feed the Poor

Chorus
Keeping cool
Breezing along
Sing a song Or two
Keeping it cool.

Competing with the worst of the worst online, and losing.

Try something else

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Hey Mr payback....I hear you
Bill

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Originally Posted by Fdemetrio
Competing with the worst of the worst online, and losing.

Try something else

Dom, you'd make a lot more sense without Springsteen's dikk stuck in your throat!


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