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FD,

I like the song, but a lot of treble? I'd back down the rhythm guitar track. I would like hearing more of the kick drum and less highs on the metalic/snare percussion--JMO of course. Nice write here however!

steady-eddie

I've got some old 4track recordings that sound a lot like this lol....

Fantastic lyrics though FD, love the antibody hook!

Thanks Eddie and Japov.

I actually strummed that out on a electric when it should be an acoustic, thats one reason for the trebleness of it. I make a lot of fresh starts on songs and I give up on them too soon. My goal is to pick 7, 8 songs and finish them from song to master.

Thanks for the ears.

Fdemetrio,

I like the sound of this one—Third Eye Blind type feel to this one, but also, particularly in the chorus, a The Cure sound. Really like the chorus on this . . . the antibody, anybody rhyme you have working there is catchy. There are a few lines in the verses that I think are lost opportunities, and strike me as a bit forced (e.g., “such a pretty thug” and “this one had me beat, she grew up on the street”). You can get by with them on the strength of the chorus—which is catchy as hell—but with some tweaking I think you can take this from good to great. Just something to think about.

Gotta admit, with this and “A Lot of Life to LIve” you’ve surprised me. They are by far the best offerings I’ve seen from you. It’s really good to see.

My best regards to you,

Deej

Thanks D, all rhymes are forced in my opinion, it makes a case for not rhyming at all. I mean, in a serious conversation who goes around rhyming the last word as they speak, so its always forced, I guess the trick is to not make it so obvious and let it flow as its sung. I think you wouldnt notice the rhyme if you didnt read it on paper. I dont have alot of words to work with the way the melody is set up.

Ive been writing for a long time, my main problem is I get bored fast and dont follow through. I have shoeboxes worth of music that hasnt been looked at since I first put it down.

Well, that would be a first for me be compared to The Cure, I do like them, but never in a million years would I expect that one!

Appreciate the ears!

Bumpity dooh dah Bumpity day

Nice ... My favorite of the ones I have heard from you. Very soulful guitar solo. Loved the lyric. Out of what I heard it should be the lead off on the album. I totally agree with Eddie's comments regarding eq issues, but I realize this was just a demo. Good stuff. Really like the antibody line.

Dave

Thanks GM, Im workin it out, Now I got new songs coming out at the same time. Focus!

Hey I was speaking about antibodies before it became fashionable.

To keep harping on this.... the amount of times I've heard about antibodies last two months, and I had this song for years is strange.

Maybe a good time to redo and release this?

Those lyrics certainly drew my eyes, Fdemetrio. Interesting. Good too.
I get what Eddie's saying about the guitar but then you already knew that.

Nice one.

Vic

Thanks Vic, I like the melody and concept best, I have to touch up the lyric.

Yeah the sound is not there, I'll be addressing that soon too. Thanks for listening.

Fd...I appreciated your comments on my song and when I saw that you had put this up it seemed right to return the favor.

But, favors aside...I like your song a lot. Imo opinion the lyrics are a cool blend of story telling and off the wall uncertainty and non clarity.
The music is good and nicely married to the lyrics.
I really liked the drums. How did you do those?

There is a lot of separation and it may sound a little overly panned, but that's a matter of taste. I think that it adds interest, but suggest looking at thickening the miix some and bringing the various frequencies back towards the center.

In summary...really liked it.

Martin

Thanks Marty, there's a few quirky lines I need to fix but overall I think I got something. The drums I used ez drummer by toontrack, it's a lot of work if you want to get a detailed drum performance with it.

Highly recommend their drums either ezdrummer or superior drummer. I was less impressed with their ez piano, always harder to mimic chordal instruments. But if you think like a drummer you can basicly get it to do what you want to.

I was excited when I first paid down the drums, I mapped it all out in my head. Then I realized I couldn't really get a great recording. I had broken my Taylor acoustic, and then had to play acoustic on my electric, didn't have a bass so I had to play bass on a keyboa rd. That's when I realized it was going to be a rough demo and not finished.

If you want to do this kind of music it's a lot of money time and space. You need real isntruments. Probably would need to spend several grand, but I'm looking at online musicians, drums I think I have a legitimate alternative.

Toontrack is soon to realease ez bass, I think it will be good cause it's single notes instrument for the most part.

NashvilleTrax.com is very reasonable. And I have been happy with everything that they did for me.
Even lucked into getting one of my songs into a stack of songs that Brent Mason came in to do guitar work on.

Well I think I'm committed to fiverr. Dont know if you are familar, but you got people on there who are ready to play in your recordings. Need sax or violin? Hire somebody and the rates are ridiculously cheap. Real instruments

I haven't done it yet, but I hope I don't make enemies asking for retakes, lol I'm even more critical of my own work!

Actually just got an email from toontrack, ez bass is a week away. I'm definitely getting it, wondering if it will be as good as the drums and not as bad as the piano...

https://www.toontrack.com/meet-your...e=Campaign%20Monitor&utm_term=EZBASS

Hey there......love the lyric, Fdemetrio.........and the music is really good. Some good writing.
I think the recording needs some bass......but, the performances are really tight.
Good stuff, man!
-Tom

Thanks Ironknee, it quickly became a rough demo, but it's probably one of the first im going to redo.