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IRAN
by Fdemetrio - 04/15/26 12:27 PM
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PETE
by Fdemetrio - 04/14/26 06:57 AM
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 8,240 Likes: 6
Top 25 Poster
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OP
Top 25 Poster
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 8,240 Likes: 6 |
three from grouch today...all apologies. ![[Linked Image]](http://www.justplainfolks.org/ubb/smile.gif) Personal Effects Three unpaid cable bills there on the wobbly table they didn't know he had a tv let alone cable when they heard he passed they couldn't wait to get there they almost knocked down some blind old man on the stairs none of them spoke much in the years before he died though they had their diff'rences they'd be happy to divide his personal effects all of his life that remained now he's just personal effects is our life in vain even as kids they didn't play with each other much they watched tv together sometimes time passed, they fell out of touch and although there were days he missed his younger brothers he knew what makes people kin is helping each other now they were poor and childless but how he'd loved his late wife so he didn't want more from life he just wanted more life not personal effects all of his life that remains now he's just personal effects is our time in vain the landlord let them in they looked around, the room was bare the gold music box they both had come for wasn't there then in the lonely silence they heard it loud and strong through thin walls the mournful sound of that music box's song he'd traded his blind neighbor when he didn't have long to go set up that tv and died watching the Andy Griffith Show his personal effects all of his life that remained just personal effects is our life in vain (c)2002 Robert George ------------------
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 350
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 350 |
Grouch,
3 in one day?! (maybe now would be a good time to give your "staff writers" some time off?)
Well, this one is a pretty doggone brilliant idea...a couple great lines too -
(A t.v. let alone cable)
(Watching the Andy Griffith show)
A couple spots I'm thinkin' might be better...
The chorus, to me, just didn't come off as strong as the rest of the lyric. Although I think "Personal Effects" is excellent as the hook/title, the way the chorus is worded doesn't seem to "bring it home" as well as it could.
So he didn't want more from life
He just wanted more life
Another good "take" but the double "life" I think throws a bit of a "wrench" into the works. I keep hearing - "He just wanted more of IT". Maybe you could work a ryhme in on the end of the "wife" line, but actually, even as a non-rhyme it doesn't sound too bad to me either. (Some of those don't come off too badly)
Chris
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Top 30 Poster
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Top 30 Poster
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712 |
No end to Crouch's talent!
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