JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum Friday night clothes: Travis and Vic

Another from Travis and I.

Could be bordering on the dirge but I like a good dirge.
Your comments appreciated as always.
Thank you,
Vic

Best listen here: https://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold/friday-clothes
or
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13365657

FRIDAY NIGHT CLOTHES © 2016 John Vaughan & Vic Arnold

v1
Looks into her closet, sighs,
that dress is looking old
weekends come around
she needs some Friday night clothes
Could have gone dancing
but now she's not so sure
Feels she's going nowhere
and closes .... the door
c1
One kid starts crying, one needs to go to bed.
So she wears those Friday clothes
... in her head
v
Husband's working late again
She knows what that is for.
Yes she'll know that perfume
as he walks through the door
He takes what he needs but
he gives to someone else.
He's good with the kids but she
looks after .... herself
c1
One kid starts crying, one needs to go to bed.
So she wears those Friday clothes
... in her head
Inst.
b
Once he promised the world.
She believed every word
c1
But one kid starts crying, one needs to go to bed.
So she wears those Friday clothes
... in her head

Good song, story is sad....the intro is too long IMHO, get to the story.
The lines about the perfume are lyrically awkward IMHO.
Carry on gentlemen.

She'll know it's not her perfume
As she stops him at the door
He claims he's been working late
She knows that there is more.
He gives them things they need
Gives himself to someone else.
He's good with the kids but she
looks after .... herself
k or S

Beautiful song guys! Love the acoustic guitar but really thought the piano was a wonderful touch. Somber but captivating lyrics. Can't ask for any more than that!
Thanks for sharing!

Just one additional comment. I respectfully disagree with Neil on the intro. I thought it was very enjoyable and nicely set the stage for your story to unfold. Maybe from a commercial point of view most songs jump right into it quicker, but from an artistic standpoint this was just right!

Tom

Thanks for the observation, Neil.
Yes, the intro is a tad long for a pop song but this isn't a pop song. Not sure what you mean by "lyrically awkward" but I am hoping you can elaborate on that.

Your sugg for the 2nd verse has a problem meter wise and I can't see any benefit to your changes. I am grateful for your contribution as it does make me step back and think.
Vic

Hey fellas,

I remember this one from Lyric Forum 3. It's always fun to see how things turn out with musication!

Overall, I really like it. Guess I'll split the difference between the other suggestions given. I think the first paragraph is an important set-up, so I wouldn't touch that. I do though, think Neil's suggestions for the second verse have merit, since the second line could be a bit stronger imo ...

Regardless, nice job you two!!

Cheers,
Beth

Hi guys,

Nice job.
I happened to enjoyed the intro.
and....I think the perfume line works as is.

Calvin


Shakespeare's Skull Could Be Stolen..[color:#3333FF]...[/color] http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Thanks for your comments Neil.It's good to get feedback and views.The intro is probably twenty seconds long, so lies just within that sometimes recommended guide line for radio plays-if of course you go a long with that.
As a listener I thought the intro led nicely into the verse.
But your is observation is appreciated and a valid point.
Vic did a rewrite on my original perfume line, but after a few listens it seems smooth enough.Again both are not set in stone and changes could be made.
Thanks again for the listen
Travis

Thanks for your comments Tom, pleased you liked the song
Travis

Appreciate your thumbs up too on the intro, it's good to get all kinds of views
Travis

i love a dirge,ya can't get no sadder than that.Well done Vic and Travis.Mike

Really like this one guys. Love that opening line. Vic, your voice reminds me of John Stewart, one of my all-time favorites.

Well done.



Regards,

Bob

Thanks Beth, the verdict seems 50/50 at the present time but all feedback is gratefully received.
Travis

Thanks Calvin for your listen and views on the song
Travis

Hi Vic, hi Travis..

What a beauty this is. No qualms with anything lyrical or musical.

The piano's entrance at 0:30 doesn't sound smooth and natural to me. It's like the very beginning of the attack is cut off. A minor thing to be sure. I think starting the piano on the downbeat Em might be stronger, though..

I like the nice warm close mic'd sound you've got here, Vic.

Most excellent work, guys.

Mike

Hi Beth.
Thanks for the comment. Glad you liked most of it.
I guess the camp is split on that part of the lyric.

Vic

Hi Tom.
Thanks for that. Glad you like the intro, too.

Vic

Thanks Mike L. pleased you like a dirge, we'll bare this in mind for the next one.I'm sure my mother in law would have liked it too.She had the sort of face for sad miserable songs.
Travis

Thanks for the support, Calvin.
I wear it often. :-)

Vic

We never listen from a perspective of radio viability, or pitching, or
how many seconds are in an intro, etc. I'm not saying there is no
merit in all that just that we don't do it. What I hear is a good sad
song with a melancholy feel to an intro that well sets up the lyric and the
world weary feel to the vocal.

We both enjoyed it.

J&B

Hello Bob.John Stewart was a favourite of mine too.Thanks for your visit.
Travis

Thanks Michael.pleased you enjoyed the song.im sure Vic will answer the musical point you have made.
Travis

Thanks Bob.
I'll take that.

Vic

Thanks J&B for the hearing and comments
Travis

Thanks Michael.
I hadn't noticed. Maybe it's clashing with the voice coming in there. I'll check on it.

Vic

Hi Janice & Bud.

I'm with you there although I realise some over long intros can be a turn off.
Thank you for having a listen, and for the favourable comment.

Vic

Vic/Travis,

A good listen. This one has a Harry Chapin feel to it.

fj

Never thought of Harry Chapin until you mentioned it FJ but it's good to be aligned with such a good and sadly missed singer/songwriter
travis

Thanks Floyd.
Never thought of that either but we'll take it.

Vic

Hi Travis & Vic,

I think the music complements these lyrics quite well. For me the story focus leans towards lost hopes and I was going to suggest a more empowering bridge, give her a little strength of heart, but there’s more impact if it stays as it is, I think, as stories have to tell their own "truth."

I like the musical interlude there…very nice.

Yeah, I hear Harry Chapin too!

Kristi

Thank you Kristi.
I think you're right. The aim on this occasion was for sadness and hopelessness, not the opposite.

Vic

Travis/Vic, (put Travis's name 1st just to aggravate Vic)

Hey guys, so---oo---so beautiful! This song captured and kept me rivoted--musically & lyrically.

I didn't feel the intro was excessively long for this type of song, however after listening a 2nd time and thinking about Neil's comment, thought perhaps you might experiment and half way through the intro add some subtle piano-maybe just a chord or two or a light accompanying small piano run or maybe guitar. For ex: The song by Mamas & Papas, "California Dreamin" has a great short intro that has two acoustic overlapping riffs. I'm not saying you should, it may be worth experimenting with however giving the intro a mild subtle "build," thereby breaking up the pattern slightly. I'm actually fine with your intro, but I know I experiment with intros--as I did with my recent song post intro, feeling it needed a 2nd sound to break up the intro repetition a "hair," which I did so.

Beautiful song fellas! A great listen.

steady-eddie.

I think this is very good songwriting. Good story/lyrics that would relate to a lot of people. Nice chord changes that liven up the chorus and bridge. One of my ways of evaluating a song is to ask myself "would ____ sing this?" In this case the blank was Alison Krauss and I think she would sing it.

Hi Eddie.
My aggravation is excused by my age, so nah nah na nah na.

Yes, I could introduce a few bells and whistles to the intro.
Thanks for the sugg.

Vic

Vic,

That's it COWBELL!!!!!!!! (Like I said, I like it how it is)

eidde-ydaets

Thanks Colin.
Wow! Alison Krauss will do for me.

Hi Mssrs. Vaughn & Arnold:

I listened to this at least a week ago, meant to comment and was distracted by the boss with another chore to do. My bad!

Enjoyed everything about this one, guys. Super song, super job.
Here's hoping it "charts" for you.

----Dave

Hi Ed.
Nice one. :-)

Not a dirge but painted so clearly with such sad images. Well done on all fronts.

Ricki

Mr. Rice.
I wouldn't question the boss.
I'm glad you found the time though.

Vic

Hi Ricki, and thank you.

Vic

Hi Kristi
As Vic commented the story was really about the sadness and futile existence she has found herself having to deal with.Pleased you see it this way too
Thanks for your comments and hearing
Travis

Hi Ed
Not bothered what order you put our names in as long as you spell them right, as someone once said.
Thanks for the listen, your continued support and being a nice guy
Travis

Hi Colin
What's the point of dealing with the rest when we could be writing for A K lol.
Appreciate your visit, and nice comments
Travis