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Hey all, here's something that's been in the works for a while but I've never been able to get it to feel quite right. I'd love some thoughts on this to help push it in the right direction.

Runaway
(c) Kyle S
https://soundcloud.com/kyle-s-2/runaway

Here we go again
You’re playing games inside my head
And if I didn’t know better
I’d probably think that you’d have already left

What the hell
I know you too well
You’re playing games and you don’t think I can tell
Maybe I’ll fight
It this time

Chorus: Oh, oh
You’re gonna runaway, you’re gonna runaway again
And I know I’m already falling for it
Oh, oh
You best believe, you best believe I can’t
Tell myself there’s someone else better for me
And I know when we get to the end
You’re gonna start it all over again
Oh,oh you’re gonna run away, you’re gonna run away again

I fall for it every time
You play nice and I never think twice
And once I think that you’re mine
You disappear for a couple nights

And once I let go
You’re texting my phone
Always sayin that you never want to be alone
And goddamn my head says no
But goddamn I want you, so

I make the move, go back to you
And you know no matter what I do
I’ve got no chance at this you’ve
Got power in that kiss

I know every move
You’ve got just a few
But every game you play somehow I always have to lose
No matter how many times
Is the last time

Bridge: And maybe this time
After a hundred tries
I’ll rebuild my life
With walls that keep you outside
So next time you’re leading me on
I’ll watch from here as you run
To where the sand meets the sun

hey Kyle, hope things are good in your world. there is not much wrong with this song as far as I`m concerned. maybe the chorus a little to close to what the verse is, I`m speaking of the music, not much change there. maybe lean out the lyric in the chorus.. more musical. just my thoughts Kyle...anyway I like it and I`d keep it. Lane

don`t pay this much attention, I just stuck it in here to show you what I was talking about...

Chorus: Oh, oh
You’re gonna runaway, you’re gonna runaway again
Oh, oh
I better tell myself..Tell myself all over again
Oh,oh....there is someone better for me...and you’re gonna run away, you’re gonna run away again

maybe do a couple more..." Oh, oh"
just a thought, the only time I can recall I have ever heard a "cuss word in a song like goddamn" is a group Steppenwolf.."The Pusher. its really not recommended in lyric.


the bridge is great in my opinion.

Thanks for taking a listen to this man! I think you're on the right track as far as how to improve this song, I agree that something needs to change with the chorus to really make this work. Thank you for the ideas, I appreciate it!

Kyle

Hey Kyle:

I'm digging this - love the phrasing.

Personally, I think the way to improve it is all in the production. I think the lyric and melody are working fine.

It sounds like you're strumming with your thumb. Playing with a pick would give it a bit more energy in my opinion.

Strumming an acoustic for the verses works nicely. I'd kick it up though in the chorus by adding bass and percussion. Maybe some vocal harmonies.

Just some thoughts - I'm no expert on arrangement and production. But I think kicking the energy level up is all it needs.

Nice work!

Scott

Hi Kyle,

Another really cool song and performed decently for sure.

About the feeling "not quite right" -- it may be that it's just not in a groove like it could be..and maybe Scott had a good idea with finding way to get more dynamics out of the guitar..do you know how to damp with your wrist while you strum with fingers and thumb? I ask because it's a great way to anchor a song to a groove. I can hear a wrist damp on every third beat of every measure..

Short of that..practice your song playing the guitar as if you were a drummer..and let all the mistakes come from the vocals--I mean, you know, focus on the drummer playing the guitar..let that solid time keeping lay a foundation..

Mike

Scott, thanks for taking a listen to this! I need to figure out the guitar dynamic side of things, it's always such a poor recording. Part of it might be the fact that I never really figured out how to play with a pick effectively so I generally avoid it, such as in this one. It also could be that I'm just recording it with a crappy mic. I'll play around with it and see what I can do. Thanks for the pointers man, it's much appreciated.

Mike- Thanks for the pointers as well regarding the guitar playing. I think it's both a good and bad thing that right now my music relies so heavily on just a single guitar and vocal track, it probably needs to do a lot more carrying of the rhythmic weight than it would have to with other instruments involved. But, it's also probably a good skill to have. I appreciate the listen my man

Kyle

Are you recording the guitar at the same time as you are singing with the same mic? The guitar needs its own mic positioned at the fretboard and pointing away from the soundhole. The mic sounds very good on the vocals.

What you might try is recording another track of the guitar - play along with this recording and record the guitar on a new track. EQ a lot of the bass out of the guitar and bump the highs around 3k. Then mute the original track and record a new vocal track along with the new guitar track you just made. You can then adjust guitar and vocals separately.

Mic the guitar above the fingerboard about 8 - 12 inches above the strings. You can then pan the guitar off to one side slightly - maybe 10% - to give the vocals some space. Add a tiny bit of reverb to taste.

Good luck.

Cool song, Kyle. It has a nice feel overall. As for production, I know nothing but there are others with some good ideas. My only suggestion would be to change the title. It's been done. To death. I'm old enough to remember Del Shannon. ("Who?" asks the man-child) Even Runaway Again might set it apart. Just a thought.

Ricki

I like this one the vocals are crisp and clear and I like the guitar even though it does seem distant.Good song Kyle best of luck with it
Travis