JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum ~Without You~

((Until I get A melody track behind this think, kinda along the lines of Garth Brooks "Not Counting You" as you read)))
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"WITHOUT YOUR LIGHT"
By Gary Madison

VERSE
Tho today won't be like yesterday,
It's gonna hurt the same.
As it did the day you said goodbye,
And left me here to blame.
Seems everyday, that's passed my way,
Since you left ain't been right.
Oh how I'm blue,it's sad but true,
I'm lost without your light.

CHORUS
Without you,I just don't feel no sunshine,
Without you,All my skies are grey.
Without you to shine your loving light,
I'm lost in darkness day and night.
Without you,I'm a mess in every way.


VERSE
I tell myself each day ,and pray,
That maybe you'll come home.
We'd make up right,that very night,
With no mornings all alone.
Then we would fall staight back in love ,
Just like it use to be.
A hopeless plan,from a broken man,
Who's lost and can not see.


CHORUS
Without you,I just don't feel no sunshine,
Without you,Lord,my skies are always grey.
Without you to shine your loving light,
I'm lost in darkness day and night.
Without you,I'm less in every way.


LEAD BREAK


CHORUS
Without you,I just don't feel no sunshine,
Without you,Lord, oh how my skies are grey.
Without you to shine your loving light,
I'm lost in darkness day and night.
Without you,I'm less in every way.


TURNAROUND AND OUTRO
Without you,I'll never be the same~!~!~!~!


[This message has been edited by EARLVIS_PITTSLEY (edited 03-18-2004).]

[This message has been edited by EARLVIS_PITTSLEY (edited 03-31-2004).]

[This message has been edited by EARLVIS_PITTSLEY (edited 04-16-2004).]

Earlvis

This song wins a "Mikie" for best hook and chorus I've seen on this forum. I felt like I was reading the lyrics to an already
popular song. No nits, no bums , no errors.

Gooooooooooood job!!!!

Mike Claxton

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Howdy Earlvis, I like this one. Could be because I'm partial because I have a song by the same title, with darn near the exact same chorus posted on this particular forum. Keep on writin' the good stuff and have a wonderful day.

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See ya when I make it...

Nick

Mikie,,what can I say except you made my whole damn week sir~!~!~! I really appreciate and am humbled by the kind things ya said~!~!(((I WON A MIKIE!!!!)))
For my acceptance speech I'll just say,,
"Mikie inspired me to "JUST DO IT" "

NHolbrook,Thanks alot for takin the time to share your input and a bit of your free time with me and my song.I read your post,kinda same concept but then again the same as too many to mention if ya look at BMI or ASCAP.Matter of fact ,a chick has got one posted at toonsmith.net with the exact same title right now as well!!lol

Thanks ALOT to both of you for takin time from your precious time to share with thine!!


(IS THINE APROWPREOTT??)

[This message has been edited by EARLVIS_PITTSLEY (edited 03-18-2004).]

Earlvis-
Mike and Nick, made good calls-
You did great- writing your lyric using a good hook- and placing it where it counts-
repeating it several times, to catch, and keep the readers (listeners attention).
If you are concerned about the "title" being
the same as the other songs mentioned, I think it would be a simple job to "create" a new title/hook-
Think of one that is unique, and original; which will fit into the rest of the lyric.

Good luck-

Cal

Cal,your kind words mean alot to a fellow writer,, trust me~!~!~!I'd love a different title to put with this 1.If ya have any suggestions or anyone else does please let me know.I'm all about change for the good ,no matter how well I perceive the lyics to be.Thanks again Cal~!~!~!

[This message has been edited by EARLVIS_PITTSLEY (edited 04-16-2004).]

Hey buddy, good job on this one; I really liked the verses and the rhyme pattern. It seems pretty sellable.

EARLVIS_PITTSLEY, I THINK YOU HAVE ONE GREAT TUNE HERE. WORDS FLOWED LIKE A GOOD COLD BEER DOWN A DRY THROAT.
Just a nit here and there from an unpublished, barely known, rarely heard, singer-songwriter, who doesn't even know the melody you're referring to, kinda guy.
I think you should end the 1st verse "I'm lost without you"
The chorus starts out strong but ends up so-so.
Verse 2 and 3 should be combined.
So pluck or muck, I really like it so far.

hey gary....after reading all the reviews i feel like i should say ditto but there were somethings that bothered me abit....first the rhyme scheme was erratic....as soon as i felt the rhythm i'd lose it....yesterday/good bye....way/true....etc...sometimes in a song you can work these type of words that don't rhyme into a rhythm and maybe thats what i'm missing here....overall a nice read....trush

Thanks Trush for responding.I think whats snaggin ya up is the quirky way I got the verse.Tell ya what,lemme try this.I'll put you the chord progression I hear on one of the verses and chorus.It's moderat tempo,kinda sorta bout the tempo of "Not Counting You"(a Garth song) and see if that conveys the rhyme scheme better.TY VM for your critique,its helping already~!~!~!


VERSE
C
Tho today won't be like yesterday,
G
It's gonna hurt the same.
As it did the day you said goodbye,
C
And left me here to blame.
C7
Seems everyday, that's passed my way,
F
Since you left ain't been right.
D
Oh how I'm blue,it's sad but true.
G G7
I'm lost without your light.

CHORUS
C G
Without you,I just don't feel the sunshine,
C
Without you,All my skies are grey.
C7
Without you to shine your loving light,
F Fm
I'm lost in darkness day and night.
C G
Without you,I'm a mess in every way.

I hope this makes sense and helps people to see the idea of the melody behind this TY all VVVVMuch~!~!~!




[This message has been edited by EARLVIS_PITTSLEY (edited 03-31-2004).]

Even I have a song called "WITHOUT YOU" but I loved your song. It's full of love and tenderness and surprises.

Big Apple..What an absolutely sweet thing to say!!!! Made my day once agin!!!!

Hi Earlvis,

I agree with everyone, this one is really good, and if you think you should change the title, heres just a thought, ( Without your light ) Keep writing. Emmy

Emmy,I think I just fell in love with you and that title too!!!!Love that title so much I'm gonna change it to that.TY VM for that~!~!~!~!~!


(IF IT WORX,,,IT WORX~!~!~!)

Great stuff here...I hope there is music on the way????

Keep it comin!!

TY VM NicNac ~!~!~! I just happened to post a cut of this in the music n lyric forum recently. Mind u it was a 1 taker with some pretty horrible quality far as sound and production goes but,I just really want u guys to hear the song I heard in my head as I wrote it and that was quickest and least time consuming way to achieve that.Ty once more everyone who took their time to benefit mine!! It is a sincerely appreciated thing here in my world 4 sure!!