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LOVE COMES IN

listen to melody and perhaps someone can come up with a great melodic twist/lyric for the bridge.. and this song will be DONE!!! YIPEEE

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/6/kaylynncarew.htm


Just when you think you can’t sink any lower and
Just when you think you’ve cryed all your tears
That’s the moment something will happen
And suddenly there’s no fear


That’s when love comes in, makes you a winner
When loves comes in, all bets are off
Love comes in, invites you to dinner
And suddenly you’re not lost
When love comes in…. (love comes in)

Just when you think that you blinked and you missed it
And just when you think it’s time to give up
That’s the day you’ll regret all the doubting
Cus love has a way of just showing up

CHORUS

Chorus 2
That’s when love comes in like there’s no tomorrow
And love comes in and throws you a line
You don’t have to beg steal or borrow
Cus love comes in right on time


BRIDGE GOES HERE<<<<<<<< ARGGGGGGG


[This message has been edited by redwriter1 (edited 10-08-2003).]

That's a cool tune Redwriter. In a way it remindes me of The Dead.
I don't really have any ideas for your bridge
right now, but it's definately a great lyric.
Later on,
Dusty

Keep your mind open, cause you never know
When you're home crying, you never can grow
OR
Once love was lost, but it can be found
When you least expect it, it may come around
OR howz about
Livin and lovin can go in a circle
Not all men are just like Steve Erkle (smile)

(The Dead??????????)

Kay-lynn:

I owe you one, but I promise to be nice... lol...

In V1 I fail to see how your closing line "there's no fear" relates to not sinking any lower and/or tears. Try this as the last line of V1: "Just as a blue sky appears." Paint pictures, remember!

One more suggestion, while I mull over the bridge, is that since you've set up an image with the "all bets are off" line in the chorus, why not drop the "And just when you think it’s time to give up" in V2 and replace it with "And just when you think it must be bad luck." The best part about that line switch is that you don't end up with up rhyming with up... lol...

Later...

P. E. Knudsen

I see your points knute... but I think Ishall puke if I ever put a " blue sky" reference in a song of mine.. hahaha

I can't sing "must be bad luck" very well... especially since this melody goes pretty quickly.

listened to your soundclick i just have to say i loved this one - very catchy tune - had to sing along- i really really like it!

kay lynn I just listened to all your soundclicks and my opinion is you are very very good I love your songs I am not good at telling someone else what their songs need but i know what sounds good to me and you definately do- great work!

Catchy tune Kaylynn,

But before you worry about a bridge melody, I think you need to add more varience in what you've got.
The verse and chorus melody are sooooooo similar as to make them appear to be identical at first listen. (just a few more syllables in the verses, but following the same musical lines)
And to my ears......"just when you think" really can't be sung that fast. yeah, just my opinion, but it just doesn't work for me. sounds scrunched.

------------------
Harriet
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/9/harrietamesmusic.htm

Kay-lynn:

Hmm... I like the way this reads

LOVE COMES IN

(V1)
Just when you think you can’t sink any lower and
Just when you think you’ve cryed all you can
That’s the moment something will happen
like it was part of the plan

(Chorus)
That’s when love comes in, makes you a winner
When loves comes in, all bets are off
Love comes in, invites you to dinner
And suddenly you’re not lost
When love comes in…. (love comes in)

(V2)
Just when you think that you blinked and you missed it
And just when you think you're not good enough
That’s the day you’ll regret all the doubting
Cus love has a way of just showing up

CHORUS

(Bridge. Have you got the meter for this? If so, I'll do that too... lol...)


(CHORUS 2)
That’s when love comes in like there’s no tomorrow
And love comes in and throws you a line
Sounds so good, don't mind if it's borrowed
Cus love comes in right on time

P.E. Knudsen

Not bad Knute thanks!

I like the word Plan... but I think that line needs to be a big longer.

I don't like "you're not good enough". I don't want the singer to seem depressed or low self esteem... the whole point is "when you stop looking out of exasperation , suddenly love is right in front of you."
Kinda like when you try really hard to get pregnant and the moment you stop trying.. ta daaaaaaaaa it works!! lol

I have NO clue on melody for bridge... so if ya got an idea.. throw me a file! (smile)

Kay-lynn:

I thought I matched your syllables on the plan line. How many do you want? I'm flexible.

Try "that you've had enough" rather than "not good enough." it has attitude that way. That's how I first heard that line, but thought the "good enough" played into the "doubting" line better.

You didn't comment on the "Sounds so good, don't mind if it's borrowed" line. Okay... so it is a great line... I won't ask for applause... Maybe... Beats the hell out of beg, steal or borrow... lol

P.E. Knudsen

[This message has been edited by Knute (edited 10-10-2003).]

ewwww.. NOW I"m wounded!! hahaha

ok... you asked for it!!.

What the heck does "you don't mind if it's borrowed"?? Who are you borrowing love from?? mmm?? (wink)

Kay-lynn:

You asked...

(CHORUS 2)
That’s when love comes in like there’s no tomorrow (obvious meaning)
And love comes in and throws you a line (to me, this means some guy says all the right words)
Sounds so good, don't mind if it's borrowed (she doesn't care if it's the oldest come on line in the world)
Cus love comes in right on time(She wants love and it just arrived)

That's how I read it. Did you think you were saying something else?

P.E. Knudsen

That’s when love comes in like there’s no tomorrow (obvious meaning)
And love comes in and throws you a line (to me, this means some guy says all the right words)

>>> NO.. what that means is... Love COMES in and RESCUES you.. .as in Throws you a line<<<< a LIFELINE

Kay-lynn:

Aren't you the one who is always harping on the basic principle of good songwriting that if you have to explain what you're trying to say, you missed the boat, or in this case, the "rescue" line.

Now that I know your intent, I'll see what line might bring lines two and four together without begging, stealing or borrowing... hehehe...

P.E. Knudsen

Rescue me...and take me in your arms!
ooops! That line is taken (teehee)

K-L, I actually agree with Knute on that one line. I wasn't sure what it meant, but what was suggested did cross my mind.
Don't shoot! We loves ya.

The thing about it is this: It sounds fine in the song when hearing it, so I'm not sure I care about the intense nature of lyric study. Your MP3s are workin fer ya quite well, m'dear. -gp

AS I've said before, melody rules... but I will admit BEG BORROW STEAL... is just a sing-songy thing that sounded right at the time. (see, I can admit things.. ) LOL


Knute.. yes I do harp.. but when you're writing a singy songy, fun, upbeat, just a "touch" of meaning song... I don't beat myself up over the literal meaning of every line... as I'm sure Shania and Mutt don't >>> when they were righting... "get off the phone give the dog a bone, hey hey hey honey I'm home.".. what the hell does that mean?? and who cares?? LOL

I can guarantee if the lyrics for HONEY I'M HOME were posted here, I would blast them from here to kingdom come... until I heard the music, production and melody and then I really don't care.

MUSIC AND MELODY are the delivery system that goes to your heart. In my opinion you have two types of songs... ones that uplift you with a great melody and infectious fun lyrics (meaningful or not).. OR.... a great melody (or at least a solid melody) with lyrics that tear your heart apart with their simplicity. (HE STOPPED LOVIN HER TODAY).

A BRILLIANT song.. marries a melody with a lyric that sounds like that couldn't be seperated if you tried. Could anyone write a different melody to I stopped lovin her today?? I doubt it. Could you take the melody and write a different lyric.. sure, but it would be lame. That just happened to be one of the perfect marriages of lyric and melody.

I try to imagine a person in their car, listening to my song.. singing along.. how does it make them feel as they are singing the words. I want them to have the windows down when they get to the chorus and sing to themselves THAT'S WHEN LOVE COMES IN..!!!!

I want the words to "marry" the melody.. more than anything. My goal is to make the listener want to sing along..and the way I get to the point is... well

when I LIKE TO SING IT... I figure other people will too.

Please remember... all the songs you love to sing along to.. then go back an give an honest critique of the lyric.. and you will be broken hearted at how they don't follow any rules except that the words are married to the music.

I can't explain it.. defend it or define it.. I only know what sounds good when I sing it.

I post things here to make sure there are no GLARING horrible things. LOL

Kay-lynn:

No more pickin' on you... lol... Make me stay after school and get a lecture... After seven years of college and three years of law school, that's just what this bad boy needed.
I agree with you about "He stopped loving her today," with one exception. As a string arranger, among other things, the string arrangement on that tune is one of the most overdone, overstated, and gaudy examples of strings gone wild in music history. I'm more from The Phil Spector school of string arrangements, not the fiddle player not knowing his limitations arrangement school.


Try this for V3, now that I know what the "line" is. And with that new linking line, others will understand, as well.

That’s when love comes in like there’s no tomorrow
And love comes in and throws you a line
there to lift you out of your sorrow
Cus love comes in right on time

Thought that line might resolve the boo hoo in V1.

P.E. Knudsen


[This message has been edited by Knute (edited 10-11-2003).]

Sorry about the rambling on with my philosophy of songwriting speech.. hahah

the line works on paper it's just hard for me to imagine starting a line with "there" when all the other lines seem to be statements in themselves.

Can someone throw me a bridge here??? LOL

Okay, Kay-lynn, try this original first word to begin that line. "Just"

"just to lift you out of your sorrow"

Since you actually clicked the "make mp3 available button" this time, I downloaded the working demo. In my opinion, your tempo is too quick for the message unless, of course, this is something you hope to pitch to Joni Mitchell for her next "flight of the bumble bee-tempo" folk album.

Still, knowing what you are doing melodically, here is a bridge that will work both musically and set up the final chorus:

(Bridge)
Never was shy, just needed convincing
something to untangle what's pulling me down
someone to say, baby where you been hidin'
to get your heart spinning around

P.E. Knudsen


[This message has been edited by Knute (edited 10-11-2003).]

You wrote a good song, about the bridge
here's just a thought:

"That's when love comes in like there's no tomorrow
pulling you in, throwing you a line
taking away all your pain and sorrow
love knows to come right on time"

(ps. go ahead and critique mine under "northern girl w/ a country heart")

Good luck

Well... since I've gotten some more good suggestions I'll be working on this one tonight also!!!

You guys are the best!

Redness!
I'm very curious as to what kind of prize the winner gets here...expense paid trip to Nashville for a recording session, perhaps? Dinner and a movie??? Free bag of pretzels??

-GaryP

Gary.. did I say there was a prize?? GASP!!!

oK.. THE PRIZE IS:
All expense paid trip to a hit song that will be recorded by someone , somewhere, a share of royalties and all the ego trip you can handle.

Oh... and a bag of pretzels.

If it goes to number 30 on the country charts.. it's yogurt covered pretzels!!!

ok ok.. and I'll make you a potroast.. geesh.. someone always wants food in this business!!! LOL

Kay-lynn:Hi.

Listened to your mp3.

I love the way you make the lyrics and melody hit together, like a one-two punch. I think you nailed it. I wanted to jumpup and dance but I'm at work.

Have to listen again and I will see about coming up with a bridge suggestion.

I wanted to play with either Swim for It or this one as far as doing some arranging with guitars drums and bass.

Woman I love your melodies(Hey thats a good song title). I confess I am a sucker for a good melody.

Great work......Your fan always........Paul

I love this song! Nice tune with nice lyrics, though I'd slow it down just a teeny-tiny bit. Good luck on looking for the perfect bridge.

Paul, than you so much for such a sweet and heartfelt compliment!! I look forward to hearing what you come up with.

Trisha, yes I should slow it down a tad, I think I was trying to get the song into the shortest mp3 file.. LOL

[This message has been edited by redwriter1 (edited 12-09-2003).]

Knute, I would never use "sorrow" in a song this upbeat.. (grin)

I want this song to be upbeat, positive.. like some girl driving home from a date.. after meeting some great guy...

she's singing in the car... singing to herself.. Yup yup... ya just never know when love is gonna fall into your lap!!!

yipeeee

so the bridge has to say something really positive............. (i.e. not he word "sorrow)

I can not here you song.My sound board is out.I'll try and get a new one after Christmas.I don't know how the song goes ,but thought up this bridge.Take it or leave it .Maybe you already came up with one....
When it will come there is no clue.
Love arrives in time to save you.
or
(I like this one the best)
When it will come there is no clue
Love arrives just in time for you.


I was just playing around.Thought I'd take a try.I think the lyrics are good.I love to sing along with simple lyrics,because they are easier to remember when you want to sing the whole thing with out the music.You feel like you can let it rip when you are sure of the words.You know, like when you're cleaning the house.I would love to have other people wanting to sing along with my songs with all they got.That would be so cool.Have a great day.

------------------
Wendy

This is my humble effort at a bridge for your great song.

So when love comes to you,
open your mind,
your heart will soon follow,
with feelings sublime.
The battle with sorrow,
at last you can win,
that glorious moment,
you let love come in.

I THINK YOUR SONG IS GREAT....

Mike Claxton

------------------

Thanks Mike. "let" love come in. That's clever... I just may use that...

Wendy.. thanks for responding... and I sure hope you get a new sound card for Christmas!!!

I have a few days alone before xmas, so perhaps I will get on with this song and finish it finally.

So,

What happened to the activity on the general board under the title "HELP !!!! ???

Kay-lynn: If it is possible, could send me an mp3 of your demo or could I download it?

If you can send it to olibird@netzero.net

Thanks...Paul

Can you not download it at soundclick??

Kay-lynn,
Great song, Here's an idea for the bridge.
Thanks, Slimphaat

Come in,
Like an angel
Come in,
Like a rolling storm
Just come in
So I can love again
Make this bitter heart
Beat sweet once more

B)
Come in,
Like an angel
Come in,
Like a rolling storm
Just come in
So she can love again
Make her bitter heart
Beat sweet once more

[This message has been edited by Slimphaat (edited 12-27-2003).]

[This message has been edited by Slimphaat (edited 12-27-2003).]

I gave it a try and it didn't work. I'll give it another shot and get back to ya

Hugs....Paul

I have been reading this post regularly...all I really want to know is this...:

Will you make me some potroast?

Slim

Oh, yeah, the unexpected love thing...Check out "Love'll Sneak Up On You" basically the same premise, but a totally different take on songwriting.

[This message has been edited by CowboySlim (edited 12-28-2003).]

Paul, I can try to shoot it via email... if you want.

Cowboy... yes I saw your post... Pot Roast... ?? sure thing.

While you're cooking up some some potroast for Slim how about sending me some Krispy Kreme. Montana has everything a man could want for a quality life except this entire state does not have one freaken Krispy Kreme. Not ONE. That's just not right! I'm dying up here.

When love comes in
Red'll fetch you up some dinner
When love comes in
You'll know what I mean
When love comes in
You're sure to be a winner
Pot-roasts and pretzels and one Krispy Creme

Just had to do it Kay-Lynn! LOL
Have a good one,
-Gary

Gary,, you quack me up!! It seems I've opened an internet restaurant?? geeesh

just a thought

It may be just around the corner
It may be just outside your door
Just when you think there's no hope
All you dreams will come ashore

Gotta love it keep it up!

Kay Lynn,

Real catchy melody. In V1, have you considered ending L1 with something like "love appears"?

I also don't see any need for a second chorus. Maybe you can just consider that (in some form) for your bridge, with a different melody, unless you'd rather the bridge go in another direction.

Good luck with it. I know rewriting is no fun.

Bill

------------------
We too often throw around the word "great" like it was a frisbee, instead of the manhole cover it should be.

[This message has been edited by lijemtu (edited 12-30-2003).]

Thanks for the extra help guys!! With so many replies to this tune.. I may have to put it on the front burner for a demo....!

Happy New year!!!

I'd like to help you with a bridge but it's New Years Eve and I don't have time right now. However, reading what you already have is pretty good. However I think that your rythym needs some work.
I rewrote a bit of the first verse and you can see what I mean..


Just when you think you can't sink any lower
Just when you think THAT you've cried all your tears
That's the time when Suddenly something will happen
Something that ends all the doubts and the fears.

Do you see what I'm trying to do? You need to keep a steady pace so that musically it will sound good. Let me know if you agree.
Linda

hey Linda, that's not bad, but did you listen to the melody? I'm not sure all those words will fit. (smile)