Dottie,
Well written!
As I read thru this I hear it more as a "folk" rock sound. Almost Dylan"esque" (not a word but you get my meaning). The words our powerful and I think that they would be overshadowed by hard, driving rock sound. Close your eyes and think Dylan's "Shelter from the Storm" and you might get an idea how it sounds in my mind (not that I want you to copy the music....LOL) That's just the feel I get from reading it

I really like this and there are only a few little "nits" that I can point to. Haven't quite figured out exactly what KOS means but I get the gist of it is Keep It or Flush it (just haven't figured out what the "S" stands for....lol) So, KOS:

V1:
The sweet breath of redemption's
Washed across the bloody bay

Not exactly sure what you're trying to convey with these two lines and how redemption fits into the context of the song. I know this means something to you and I would love to hear what you're thinking is. It may be exactly clear and I'm just missing the meaning (well if you listen to my daughters I'm clueless but that's a whole different thing...).

V4:
Soldiers hopes are drying

Drying, dying, fading, etc.
I kept getting stuck on drying as I read thru the lyric

I really think you did a good job on this. It flows well and
really makes the reader/listener think. I'd love to know what
the inspiration for this was. Was it an idea that had to "perculate" a little or did it just flow out. Good STUFF!
Mark