JPF Home Page Forums General Messages Brian Austin Whitney Blog Saturday, July 3rd, 2010

Hi Folks,

I keep thinking that I will get back to doing my blog daily, but I usually find conversations going on around the board are more important to get involved with and I use up my time and energy on those.

My life is, whether I like it or not, forever changed. I am still learning my way around this new landscape, figuring out what I can still do and what roadblocks are pinning me in. Days and nights often blend together and pass by in starts and stops with little to define them. I am learning what helps me and what hurts me, what I am free to do and what holds me back. Those who know me know I am outspoken, gregarious and passionate in all things I touch. But my new world has taught me those actions come with a steep pricetag that comes due by way of significant and extended pain, massive muscle spasms, vision problems and a complete lack of focus for the rest of the day and evening. On the other hand, if I take things very easy, things go pretty smoothly for me. I've extended that 2-3 days in a row but then I start feeling like my old self and push it and the whole cycle starts over. I've had a couple trips out of the house this year by myself, once to get a blood test and once to go to Target and get some food. Both trips were under 2 miles in distance. For someone who spent the last 15 years on the road traveling the world 6 months or more each year, it's a big adjustment. My poor neglected red Ford Explorer has sat so long the tires are going flat as are the tires on our travel van. In a way it's a good metaphor.

Right now there's a battle over what my health status really is. 3 meds I am taking all cause massive weight gain so I am dealing with that. One set of doctors thinks I still healing but will have a good chance to get back to my life. Another set are less than optimistic that I will be around to even try. I have a big appointment later this week which might focus in the diagnosis much more so it's like waiting for a verdict in a trial that you're innocent in but which could take your life away nonetheless, or could release you to get back to it. I've made a few "jail breaks" but have paid heavily for it when it's clear that I am still not ready to return to normal life.

So I spend time thinking it could be a lot worse, but also that it could still be a lot better. In he meantime I am losing an entire year of productivity minus this message board, my email communications and an occassional newsletter. I had originally planned a 9 week tour of the Baltic countries of Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Findland, Russia, Latvia, Lithuania, Poland, Germany and then over to the Netherlands, followed by a trip down Croatia, Greece, Turkey, Egypt, Morroco, Gibraltar, Spain and France. We also were planning on a massive North America tour to all 50 States, all major cities in Canada and perhaps a visit to a safe border city in Mexico, if one exists these days. But since none of that is possible in the next year or so, I want to spend time meeting folks in those locations via Skype, the online phone system. I can be found there at just.plain.folks or Brian Austin Whitney, whichever you want to search. If you want to chat, add me to your Skype list.

So... all I can really say is that I am still anxious to get out among all of you and I am still keeping up with our industry and how our folks can create their own success even in a bad economy and a rocky landscape to make music.

Brian