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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 66
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 66 |
Thanks. The singing part actually works perfectly with the melody. No problems there. "Form from" and "born from" are almost identical when singing them. "Form" seems to work better directing the listener to understand what's going on. I also considered "are born from." It just throws my syllables off a bit. I'm having a hard time letting go of "born". I realy like the suggestion of death or at least the cause of it being born from a sin. It realy captures my imagination and has some oxymoron qualities to it. I started thinking about describing the fluid coming out as you have suggested. I can think of a few, but I keep looking forward to the next line in the song, "My blood drips...” I'm covering that topic already. Do you feel that the next line does not accomplish the task of supporting the previous statement, thus providing some insight for the listener?
D
Last edited by swtke; 06/25/09 11:59 AM.
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