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I would say that this captures well the feeling of someone who is just about to die from suicide. It's very powerful.

Vs 2 is a little troubling to me. I don't get the blood in the bubble part. A bubble in the blood could refer to a drug user but the other way around, I don't quite understand.

'I'm a longtime friend of evil" sounds like it doesn't belong next to sorrow and regret because sorrow and regret implies (to me) a caring nature.

If you said something like "evil's my companion" it would make more sense to me. A companion is just someone who is with you. It doesn't mean that that companionship is welcome. Friend would imply that it is a welcome situation.

The other bit: Ageless Sheppard’s, walking backwards
Embraced my soul and then they stole it from me.

Ageless Sheppard's. Did you mean Ageless Shepherd's as in Shepherd is or do you mean Shepherds plural. I can't tell which you intended because then you say embraced my soul but then you say THEY.

Is the Shepherd supposed to be Jesus or are you meaning guides, leaders, teachers, mentors etc.?

" I disapprove of this life and you lost me." Sounds a little odd. Kind of like you are a pet or a little kid or that the thing happened in the past. If death is imminent perhaps. "Now, you've lost me."

Also in verse 1: Unnatural bracelets born from my sin. Eyelids don't surround the eye the way a bracelet would, but you have already used shaded. (Good line that one.) Maybe something like shrouds (death cloths) Shrouds. Hard to sing though. Perhaps bindings born from my sin. Or perhaps veils.

The buzz, shaded eyelids and fly in the first verse reminded me of Emily Dickenson's poem, "I Heard a Fly Buzz When I Died"

I heard a fly buzz when I died;
The stillness round my form
Was like the stillness in the air
Between the heaves of storm.
The eyes beside had wrung them dry,
And breaths were gathering sure
For that last onset, when the king
Be witnessed in his power.

I willed my keepsakes, signed away
What portion of me I
Could make assignable, and then
There interposed a fly,

With blue, uncertain, stumbling buzz,
Between the light and me;
And then the windows failed, and then
I could not see to see.

Anyway, back to your lyric. The rest looks good to me. (Or bad because it's depressing, lol.)

I would be interested in your treatment of this piece. Hope nobody gets too inspired by it though.

Good job and good luck to you.