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AI cleaned my grammar up


Who knows what Bing Crosby thought of Bob Dylan? You need spell-check.

That debate about God will go on until evolution has us looking like clownfish that can walk.

I still think God is Colonel Sanders, the chicken guy.

Makes as much sense as anything else. He's God. He needs a title, like Colonel.

"After I save you from eternal damnation, I'm fixing you a good meal with my special seasoning."

"What's in it?"

"It's a secret. Don't tell anyone. Passed down from Grandma God nine billion years ago."

"You have a grandma?"

"Of course! Everybody has a grandma. Mom and I never got along. It's a long story. I won't bore you. Never saw Dad much, either. Did a lot of traveling. Shoe salesman."

"Your dad was a shoe salesman?"

"Well, Mama did say he was a rolling stone. Something about the third of September, a day she'll always remember. I never understood what she was talking about. She spoke in riddles a lot."

Anyway, back to Bob. He called him a General.

We can agree or disagree, but Colonel and General are both military ranks. You have to agree with that logic.

And you're just a Private.

So you'd better watch out. Santa Claus is coming to town.

Personally, I'm never an atheist on Sundays. I hedge my bets.

You never know who's holding the aces and who's holding the deuces.

And if God really is Colonel Sanders, I figure the least he can do is throw in some mashed potatoes and gravy.

After all, eternity is a long time to eat chicken.


Why would anybody name a tartar sauce Beaver Tartar Sauce?

You have a picture of a beaver on there . And he's smiling .

We all know what "beaver" means. That's false advertising!

I opened the jar, and it didn't look anything like a vagina.

Maybe they should call it Camel Toe Tartar Sauce. At least that has a little more imagination.

Who comes up with these names, anyway?

I just wanted something to put on my fish. Now I'm standing in the grocery store thinking about sex.

And at my age, that's a hell of an accomplishment.

And while we're on the subject of virgins . Stop saying pop the cherry . its very offensive . Fruit has nothing to do with it .

Must be the same company and Extra Virgin Olive Oil . What is this place a porn store ?

God Bless America.

And the reason you're seeing this . I know more than Bob Dylan , Bing Crosby and Dr whatever his name is .. But not Johnny Carson .
I have unlocked all the questions you might have . If you send $500,000 today not tomorrow , cuz there is once again, a limited supply of my bullshit in my new book .
"Elvis Nash the know at all " For a signed copy that will be $800,000 . Buy Now as Joes Besos famously says .