I think it's about too many things at once

I think the verses tell a decent story, somebody who would like to be heard, be counted, but realizes that's probably impossible. Can all relate to that

The spiraling part, other than a clever rhyme scheme doesn't support it

I think why your not hearing what you want is because it's about too many things.

Sometimes hearing it back you realize there's a disconnect there , when you might not see it or hear it going in

There's plenty of songs where the lyrics don't matter or make sense, but your working with a device that the lyric is your only contribution

Pick one idea and follow it all the way through, I think when you listen back you'll get it

Last edited by Fdemetrio; 06/22/24 10:42 AM.