Your Structure seems odd.
Verse I would have its Melody.
The Chorus would have its Melody, different from the Verse.
Verse II would 'Repeat' the Melody of Verse I.
If you follow that single 'giving' of the Chorus with a Bridge, instead of the Chorus, the Bridge with its own Melody, that third 'variation' may lose listeners because the Structure is 'Too Much' Change/not 'Enough' Repetition. A B A C B Structure.
Song Structures can be very 'flexible' in this regard. Only hearing it would enable that Judgment Call.
A Structure of A B A B C B is typically more memorable. Verse I, Chorus, Verse II, Chorus, Bridge, Chorus.
Some Lines seem a little 'clumsy' in the Rhythm. Those will probably smooth out in the execution.

"Bad Luck And Trouble" Copyright 5-17-24 By rpirone

Verse I
I was born a child, to these dirty streets,
‘neath the shadows of gray fact'ry walls,
a kid from the wrong, side of the tracks,
Prayin’ they won’t, be my downfall.

Chorus
Ain’t nothin’ but hardship, and hard falls.
I was raised, with my back to the wall (I had a Line in a Song, "We grew up with our backs against the wall")
try’n to climb out from under the rubble, (Maybe 'crawl' instead of 'climb'.)
Down at the crossroad,
of Bad Luck And Trouble.
Down at the crossroad,
of Bad Luck And Trouble.

Verse II
I’m livin’ like a man, on borrowed time!
I think the one thing that scares me the most (If there's one thing, that scares me the most,)
Is the feeling that I’m losing the light (it's the feeling that, I'm losing the light,)
edging too close, to my (very) own ghost!

Chorus
Ain’t nothin’ but hardship, and hard falls.
I grew up with my back to the wall!
try’n to crawl, out from under the rubble,
Down at the crossroad,
of Bad Luck And Trouble.
Down at the crossroad,
of Bad Luck And Trouble.

Bridge
Whistling past the graveyard all my life,
shadowboxing the things,
that go bump in the night,
waltzing with the devil,
under a blood moon sky!

Chorus
Ain’t nothin’ but hardship, and hard falls.
I was raised, with my back to the wall
try’n to climb out from under the rubble,
Down at the crossroad,
of Bad Luck And Trouble.
Down at the crossroad,
of Bad Luck And Trouble.
Down... at the crossroad...
of Bad Luck And Trouble.

(The above Structure gives you seven 'hits' on THE Hook, the Title Line, making it more memorable.)

Below: (Flipping some Lines around, experimentally. A Bridge, ideally, is brief. It simply serves the function of breaking Repetition with Change, a variant Melody/Rhythm/Rhyme Scheme, enabling a final giving of the Chorus without Monotony.)

Bridge
I whistle past the graveyard,
in fear of my life,
shadowboxing the things,
that go bump in the night!
I waltz with the devil,
under a blood moon sky!

(Here, then, would be the final giving of the Chorus. However, you could simplify, and keep the Song shorter, perhaps short 'Enough' for radio, by just Repeating the Title Line, not the whole Chorus, as below.)

Bridge
I whistle past the graveyard,
in fear of my life,
shadowboxing the things,
that go bump in the night!
I waltz with the devil,
under a blood moon sky!

Coda (Final Musical Movenment)
Down at the crossroad,
of Bad Luck And Trouble.
Down... at the crossroad...
of Bad Luck And Trouble.

Last edited by Gary E. Andrews; 06/10/24 10:44 AM.
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