This is a wonderfully poetic Lyric!

You're not posting too much.

This is a 'Singer-Song-Writer' style, so the more poetic and lengthy Lines can work in that genre.
In a more 'pop' style I would expect THE Hook to be clear and Repeated a minimum of three times. This style may accomplish that with a poignant Chorus.

Perhaps this should have been on radio 20 years ago, but I'm not sure it isn't right in vogue with 2023.

Great Melody. I don't think I'd get the words without the Lyric sheet, but that may be more the way music is consumed in 2023, downloads, streaming, often with a video displaying the Lyric as it is sung. At 4:36 it's a bit long, perhaps, for terrestrial radio where short Songs leave room for commercial ads that pay the bills. But a good Song gets consideration if it has Hook Factor. That Lyric, and the Melody to which it is sung, has Hook Factor.

But that poetry; Man! Ain't nothin' wrong with that...well, except I'm always looking to delete 'And' and 'But and 'Cause' from Lines. But...that's a Song-Writer's 'Judgement Call'. Good stuff Michael. The Arrangement is good. The Structure is good.

There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com