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Lot Long
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/10/26 11:20 AM
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Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,419 Likes: 4
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,419 Likes: 4 |
Mike,
There's so much to like about this one. Some beautiful lines and imagery. In particular, my favorite; "And the rains only nourish the sorrow that only blooms"--just killer. And I like the structure of how each verse finishes on the refrain of "lonely room". I think there's some opportunity for refinement of language, which could take this from the really great to the truly awesome--e.g., I don't think the third verse is a tight and consistent with theme as the first two. But of course, just my humble opinion.
This is a terrific start to something really good. Will look forward to hearing it.
All the best,
Deej
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