Travis,

You have a lot of good image lines in this. And overall it's a good idea to build a song around. There were a couple of things that seems to come out of the blue, so I did not quite understand their intent. "..then finally be free" was one. And the water/ocean line - did not relate to the rest of the chorus. Other than that line, the chorus is a strong idea.

The melody is working well, so far..

fj