Originally Posted by E Swartz
Hey Bugsey!

Wow, this is just really unique--a good thing. Nice melody, and production. I like the lyrics, I might experiment on reducing the chorus repeat tags where--the three "tricks." I tend to like using repeats as a "building" tool.

Such as:

Won't you trick me for a while
trick me,,,,,,,,yea trick me,,, for a while (keeping the same time within the measures however).

or:

Won't you trick me for a while
Trick me-trick me, yea trick me for a while


You could also just say it once, and lose a couple of measures, or some other variation perhaps.

You could possibly do each chorus ending a little differently, then save the tags for exclusively on just the last chorus. I know that it is a very current and trendy to have "chorus driven" songs, which is true, but your end tags are more effective and dramatic if not over-done and saved for the last chorus IMO. The 1st part of your chorus is strong enough to establish that you are driving this chorus with the song anyway.

Also, how you have it is fine, and my thoughts are not meant as a "nit," rather, an alternative approach here for you to consider.

I'm impressed with the song, nice write man!

steady-eddie.


No I hear ya, I know the difference between nit nits, and nits...

I just feel like the music says what he's saying. And I think after the busier parts it release into one line which is easy for somebody to catch onto and sing along with it.

But I will keep your points stored in my mind. Thanks!