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Leafs
by Gary E. Andrews - 05/01/24 01:05 PM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/25/24 01:36 AM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/24/24 10:25 AM
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 20
Casual Observer
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OP
Casual Observer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 20 |
Hello, I am a first timer here. This song was written 3 years ago when my daughter was born. It is written from the perspective of a newborn baby. It is a children's song.
The Don't Know Song
Well I don’t know a circle and I don’t know a square. I don’t know here and I don’t know there. I don’t know red and I don’t know blue. I don’t know me and I don’t know you.
If you add up all of the things I don’t know you will find I’m ill informed. But if you ask me what is one thing I do know I’ll say I like mom’s milk warmed.
Well I don’t know left and I don’t know right. I don’t know day and I don’t know night. I don’t know up and I don’t know down. I don’t know a verb and I don’t know a noun.
If you add up all of the things I don’t know you will find I’m not well read. But if you ask me what is one thing I do know I’ll say mom keeps me well fed.
Well I don’t know a cow and I don’t know a hen. I don’t know now and I don’t know then. I don’t know the sun and I don’t know the moon. I don’t know the words and I don’t know the tune.
If you add up all of the things I don’t know you will find I’m out of touch. But if you ask me what is one thing I do know I’ll say mom and dad love me much.
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 162
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 10,330
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 10,330 |
Hi, Divitrius!
This doesn't really strike me as a children's song. It still sounds like it's written from an adult's perspective.
I like the structure you set up. I was thinking that it could be adjusted to be from a sibling talking to the little baby. Maybe telling the little newbie that he or she doesn't know about a lot of things but that he or she will teach those things to the baby.
The shapes of things and colors and so forth work I think, but the grammar stuff not so much. Maybe more about the things babies learn first. Walking and talking etc.
Just a suggestion and opinion. Take or leave it as you wish.
JeanB
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 1,824
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jan 2003
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Wow. This is really a novel idea here. My only nit would be that the vocabulary might be a little too advanced for a little kids song....like hte words "verb" and "noun". Might want to tighten this up a bit to cover that but this is really a great concept! You could also do as JeanB suggested and make it somehow told from the parent's perspective who is understanding the childs or something like that. Anyway, good overall idea here! Best, Cindy
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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 68
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 68 |
Hi Div.. Nice - think the perspective is fine - of course a baby wouldn't know what it doesn't know - that's one of the kind of endearing things about the song is the use of obviously adult words and thoughts - but bringing it right down to what's important to a baby - food and love! A little quibble on phrasing. I think I’ll say I like mom’s milk warmed. is a little awkward. (the I'll say is implied) you might substitute Mama's milk is good and warm. Similarly you might try replacing I’ll say mom and dad love me much. with My mom and dad love me so much. Just quibbles. Nice song for a Family day or folk festival type thing... --Doug ------------------ Doug Kolmar - Singer/songwriter http://bmind.home.mindspring.com/music/dkhome.htm
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