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Joined: Oct 2011
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She Sheds A Tear
As I look at your face A smile comes over me A woman with so much grace A friend she'll always be
C:She sheds a tear each day For the man she'll always love The memories are haunting her As he watches her from above
Today she gets up one more time and musters up a smile Happy thoughts come once again If only for awhile C I'd love to make her happy If only for awhile If I can give her some happiness It will make my life worthwhile C Years from nowwhen we look back It will be with a smile The warmth of our friendship Will carry us for miles C Music solo C END
(C)John Baker 2009
Last edited by AJ Baker; 10/21/11 03:59 PM.
Life was once a beautiful thing when we were able to live it.Love is such a beautiful thing when we are able to give it.Time alas has no meaning when there is no time but it takes but a moment for one to be so kind
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Joined: Jul 2008
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Sounds pretty good so far and it also sounds alot like me...would love to hear it with music....and it's so good to have you back with us....
glyn
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I may post this on mp3 later but you can hear it at reverbnation.com/ajbaker now along with 20 other songs that i have written.AJ
Life was once a beautiful thing when we were able to live it.Love is such a beautiful thing when we are able to give it.Time alas has no meaning when there is no time but it takes but a moment for one to be so kind
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Joined: May 2009
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Hey John, Wonderful sentiment. It reads more like a poem than a lyric; however, if that is your intention, then ignore the following critique:
There is a shift in tenses; title is "She Sheds A Tear", yet singer is singing to "you" in first line.
As I look in to your face (I don't think you can look in to a face, only eyes) A smile comes over me A woman with so much grace A friend she'll always be (don't reverse the natural order to make it rhyme with me)
C:She sheds a tear each day For the man she will always love The memories are haunting her As he watches her from above (the love/above rhyme mates have been done to death; anytime you can predict what the rhyme is, you shouldn't use it.)
Today she gets up one more time and musters up a gives a little smile Happy thoughts come once again If only for awhile C
I'd love to make her happy If only for awhile (Don't repeat lines in verses in verse chorus format) If I can give her some happiness (almost the same line as line one of this verse) It will make my life worthwhile C Years from now when we look back we'll reminisce It will be and look back with a smile The warmth of our friendship Will carry us for miles
“I usually start with a title or maybe a little rhyme or phrase.” - Harlan Howard
Co-writing = Compromise!
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Joined: Oct 2011
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I might change in to to (AT HER) .Musters up a smile Denotes the struggle she is going through to do it.If only for awhile again shows how hard some things are for her to do but maybe(and make her want to smile)Thanks for the input.AJ
Life was once a beautiful thing when we were able to live it.Love is such a beautiful thing when we are able to give it.Time alas has no meaning when there is no time but it takes but a moment for one to be so kind
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Joined: Apr 2006
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Hi this is neat, but the tense needs fixed,rather that taking it into a story I'd keep it one way from the singer to her
As I look at your face A smile comes over me A woman with so much grace A friend she'll always be
something like As I take in your face A smile comes over me Hypnotised by your grace My treasure you'll always be
that's rough but I think if you rework it it would be a real nice love song all the best,john
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