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#928771 - 10/18/11 07:34 PM She Sheds A Tear  
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 267
AJ Baker Offline
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AJ Baker  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 267
Union,Ohio
She Sheds A Tear

As I look at your face
A smile comes over me
A woman with so much grace
A friend she'll always be

C:She sheds a tear each day
For the man she'll always love
The memories are haunting her
As he watches her from above

Today she gets up one more time
and musters up a smile
Happy thoughts come once again
If only for awhile
C
I'd love to make her happy
If only for awhile
If I can give her some happiness
It will make my life worthwhile
C
Years from nowwhen we look back
It will be with a smile
The warmth of our friendship
Will carry us for miles
C
Music solo
C
END

(C)John Baker 2009

Last edited by AJ Baker; 10/21/11 03:59 PM.

Life was once a beautiful thing when we were able to live it.Love is such a beautiful thing when we are able to give it.Time alas has no meaning when there is no time but it takes but a moment for one to be so kind
#928777 - 10/18/11 09:07 PM Re: She Sheds A Tear [Re: AJ Baker]  
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 8,679
glynda Offline
glynda  Offline

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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 8,679
Princeton Texas
Sounds pretty good so far and it also sounds alot like me...would love to hear it with music....and it's so good to have you back with us....


glyn

#928791 - 10/19/11 12:02 AM Re: She Sheds A Tear [Re: glynda]  
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 267
AJ Baker Offline
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AJ Baker  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 267
Union,Ohio
I may post this on mp3 later but you can hear it at reverbnation.com/ajbaker now along with 20 other songs that i have written.AJ


Life was once a beautiful thing when we were able to live it.Love is such a beautiful thing when we are able to give it.Time alas has no meaning when there is no time but it takes but a moment for one to be so kind
#928958 - 10/20/11 01:24 AM Re: She Sheds A Tear [Re: AJ Baker]  
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,067
R. Shayne Vaughan Offline
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R. Shayne Vaughan  Offline
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,067
Edmonton, KY
Hey John,
Wonderful sentiment. It reads more like a poem than a lyric; however, if that is your intention, then ignore the following critique:

There is a shift in tenses; title is "She Sheds A Tear", yet singer is singing to "you" in first line.


As I look in to your face (I don't think you can look in to a face, only eyes)
A smile comes over me
A woman with so much grace
A friend she'll always be (don't reverse the natural order to make it rhyme with me)

C:She sheds a tear each day
For the man she will always love
The memories are haunting her
As he watches her from above (the love/above rhyme mates have been done to death; anytime you can predict what the rhyme is, you shouldn't use it.)

Today she gets up one more time
and musters up a gives a little smile
Happy thoughts come once again
If only for awhile
C

I'd love to make her happy
If only for awhile (Don't repeat lines in verses in verse chorus format)
If I can give her some happiness (almost the same line as line one of this verse)
It will make my life worthwhile
C
Years from now when we look back we'll reminisce
It will be and look back with a smile
The warmth of our friendship
Will carry us for miles


I usually start with a title or maybe a little rhyme or phrase. - Harlan Howard

Co-writing = Compromise!


#929035 - 10/20/11 01:02 PM Re: She Sheds A Tear [Re: R. Shayne Vaughan]  
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 267
AJ Baker Offline
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AJ Baker  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 267
Union,Ohio
I might change in to to (AT HER)
.Musters up a smile Denotes the struggle she is going through to do it.If only for awhile again shows how hard some things are for her to do but maybe(and make her want to smile)Thanks for the input.AJ


Life was once a beautiful thing when we were able to live it.Love is such a beautiful thing when we are able to give it.Time alas has no meaning when there is no time but it takes but a moment for one to be so kind
#930358 - 10/28/11 08:39 PM Re: She Sheds A Tear [Re: AJ Baker]  
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 329
John Paragreen Offline
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John Paragreen  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 329
Scotland
Hi this is neat, but the tense needs fixed,rather that taking it into a story I'd keep it one way from the singer to her

As I look at your face
A smile comes over me
A woman with so much grace
A friend she'll always be

something like
As I take in your face
A smile comes over me
Hypnotised by your grace
My treasure you'll always be

that's rough but I think if you rework it it would be a real nice love song
all the best,john





please vist
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=429802
to hear my lyrics recorded by musicians world wide

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