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Leafs
by Gary E. Andrews - 05/01/24 01:05 PM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/25/24 01:36 AM
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I was trying to write for two other different projects early this morning when this lyric came from nowhere and made me write it down. Country tragedy, ballad with female vocal. I think its treading the line between being a ball of cheese or a sweet little number.
"Make them count"
V1 Five times now, you've broke my heart in the four years since we wed, by letting three other women lay beside you in my bed. Once again I've found out There's two women in your life, one thats in your arms right now and the other one's your wife...
chorus It's a simple situation but it doesn't quite add up. I don't fit in this equation baby I've had quite enough. Your odd inclination I'm gonna even out, boy your days are numbered better make them count.
V2 It only took five minutes to drive four miles to her place, knocked three times upon her door to meet her face to face. Two minutes slowly passed by then suddenly I find, I'm standing in her hallway with one thing on my mind.
chorus
V3 five a.m. in the morning standing at her bedroom door three bullets in the clip one in the chamber, making four. Two lovers lie together as tears sting my eyes, one shot breaks the silence of the early morning light.
chorus
V4 Five leather straps now hold me four minutes now to go. before they throw the switch that sits behind me on the wall. Three people here to witness my two minutes of fame........ One of them still wakes up in the night and cries your name....
chorus
Copyright Gary Parr 2011 all rights reserved.
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Was this inspired in any way by the Tiger Woods saga? BTW, his wife left him and I believe they are now officially divorced. Was trying to picture what current country female vocalist this would be good for. Too bad Tammy Wynette isn't still with us, as she was who I was thinking of when I read this. And she lived it, only with George his problem was more drinking than cheating, I believe. This one might even be good background for the "Cheaters" TV show.
Peace, Brian
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Hi Brian....
not inspired by anything really. I was working on a totally different project and the numbers concept came to me and took me off at a tangent. You know how it is when you have to write something down!!
Anyway, Tigers was more than five wasn't it? I just don't get it....his wife looks pretty fine to me??????
Gary
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The Tiger syndrome is nothing new by any means. Last night listened to a show honoring Scot poet Robert Burns on his birthday, and he was said to be quite the ladies' man as well. And it's only been for about the past two decades that this has taken on a derogatory meaning.
Good luck with this piece. Can't think of any specific improvements to make.
Peace, Brian
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Hi Gary,
Great writing!
Love this!
Geneva
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hi, i really like the play with numbers you've got here, very clever. there was humor nicely balanced by the heavier aspect of the story that worked for me. but when i got to the murder/execution part (also cleverly written) the bottom fell out for me as it got too morbid. those last lines rob the story of its humor and i think this could really work as a commercial success apart from that. thats just my opinion, but i would lose the murder/execution part and keep it light. the murder/execution theme should not be coupled with this lite, very clever story line imo. all well written, really good. one more thot. the line " i've had quite enough" does not sound like an american with "country" roots speaking. it sounds like proper english, and there is nothing proper about most "americanized english" spoken by the working class american. i'd say this a bit differently. only because you said this is a country song. hope you find this helpful.
peace, dmk
Last edited by dmk; 05/13/11 11:47 AM.
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Thanks DMK...thats a great critique.... To be honest I didn't try to write a humorous side and I intended it to be dark from the start with the focus on the numbers. However I find your remarks interesting and now I will probably try an alternitive ending, probably from V3 and V4. Incidentally, I don't think Ive intentionally set out to write something commercially attractive, the writing finds me and just put down whatever that is - sounds selfish but Ive been at it for two years now and thats what seems to work ...I just hope it doesn't stop! Thanks again gary
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hi again, i don't think it's selfish, some write by inspiration others not, so they say, but i believe in a way all creative writing is by inspiration, be inspired, you write well.
dmk
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Nice lyric Gary, I especially liked this couplet -
"one thats in your arms right now and the OTHER one's your wife..."
Clever, there was a nice surprise to it.
Best Regards and Aloha,
Charlie
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