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by Fdemetrio - 04/25/24 01:36 AM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/24/24 10:25 AM
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by Sunset Poet - 04/24/24 08:09 AM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/23/24 10:08 AM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/23/24 12:41 AM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/22/24 10:39 PM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/22/24 11:04 AM
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by Rob B. - 04/21/24 08:40 PM
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Went ahead and did this LYRIC WITH MUSIC--COMMENTS WELCOME http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=10454839LIFE IN PRISON © 2011 Mackie Humphries
INTRO Two shots rang out they screamed out loud Over their bodies I held the gun Sirens attracted an angry crowd It’s hard to believe what I’d done.
V1 [color:#CC0000].......EDIT#2--MIKE CARO Why has love turned away from me I Thought forever I’d be her man That slick devil should’ve let her be Now they both lay dead in the sand. LIFT The trial was short and it sweet And it was over within a week-- BR The verdict was read: “Guilty.................. In the first-degree May Lord have mercy On his poor soul”. V2 The Judge explained about the law He said “if I wished to speak Now is the time to stand ..tall Or forever .... hold my peace. CH “Your Honor ..... my only regret I don’t feel .... closure yet.” The Judge said, “life in prison” “Will soon help you forget”...... OUTRO .......EDIT#2--MIKE CARO Why has love turned away from me I Thought forever I’d be her man That slick devil should’ve let her be Now they both lay dead in the sand. TAG The Judge said, “life in prison” “Will soon help you forget” “Life in prison”.......”Life in prison”.... Will soon help you forget” “Life in prison”.......”Life in prison”.... ....help you forget...........................[/color]. Mackie
Last edited by Mackie H.; 03/29/11 05:19 PM.
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Hey man that was pretty cool. I was digging the vibe, the music was very cool and I liked the lyrics... The perfect voice would help this really come to life. Also the only line you could have worded more vaguely was "Why did she have to cheat on me"It was the only line that didn't fit the whole picture.. It was like an old Country song line. I wanted more "Hey Joe" kinda lyrics.. But that was the only small thing! COOL.... MAckie!
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MIKE--
Thanks for listening and your feedback--means a lot--The movie I got the IDEA from was set in the Pacific Islands --Need a Somoian Vocal, EH.
Later,
Mackie
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Like the music a lot Mackie - found the lyrics a little disturbing, but such is life!!
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Mackie, good tune - this is something that I could see Johnny Cash doing back in the day.
Bob
Last edited by Robert Dean; 03/29/11 03:35 PM.
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Tracy--
An old movie is responsible for the LYRIC CONTENT--Probably based on an old PAPERBACK NOVEL.
Some things I write because of a key idea or lingering meaning--good or bad--I leave it to others to evaluate.
The MUSIC is an assembly from GARAGEBAND SAMPLES -- using my IMAC--It's not exactly what I had in mind--But until something else surfaces, it will have to do--Needs a Polynesian Eastern Island sound with VOCALS and an ACCENT.
I always appreciate your time and comments--
Mackie
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Robert--
I appreciate you taking time to listen and your comments--
Thanks for stopping by--
Mackie
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Post deleted by Mackie H.
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Mackie, You're at it again. Another movie/story/song. The Far East sounding music and the spooky vocals surprised me, but after a couple listens I started to get it.
I liked the lines where the judge laid down the law, especially when he reminded the cuckolded husband that life in prison would help him forget.
Keep 'em comin', Mackie!
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Dan--
I appreciate you taking a listen--YOU are responsible for me digging in on this one, this quickly, EH--I am still learning and trying different things--I just PRETEND TO BE IN ALL THESE SONGS--I'm only in SOME OF THEM--IT'S A LOT OF FUN--TO MAKE-BELIEVE!
THANKS FOR YOUR INPUT--
Mackie
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CALVIN--
YOU KNOW IT'S JUST IMPOSSIBLE TO KNOW WHAT WILL INFLUENCE THE NEXT SONG--I NEVER SAW THIS ONE COMING, UNTIL IT WAS DONE--I GUESS IT'S THE MUSIC--MAYBE IT SHOULD BE AN INSTRUMENTAL--BUT, IF IT WERE JUST AN INSTRUMENTAL, THERE WOULDN'T BE A KILLING--IT PROBABLY NEEDS THE VOCAL, BUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE DOING IT--
I DO APPRECIATE YOUR TAKING A LISTEN AND YOUR FEEDBACK--
LATER,
Mackie
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Mackie,
That is a different spin on a melody and I think if it had some dynamics and some bass in there, it would match a more somber vocal. Nice job on putting it together.
Tammy
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TAMMY--
I APPRECIATE YOU CHECKING THIS ONE AND YOUR KIND APPRAISAL--MY VOCAL HAS LIMITS--BUT I KEEP TRYING DIFFERENT THINGS I CAN DO--STILL LEARNING--
Thanks,
Mackie
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Hey Mackie....love this one....it would be a fun vocal piece for me......it's a story of love gone bad,and the repercussions, your lyricsa and music make it seem so believable....great stuff here!~~~~MFB III
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MFB--
Thanks for ZEROING IN ON THIS ONE--
GO AHEAD AND WORK YOUR MAGIC AND DO YOUR THING WITH IT--A CO-WRITE--IF YOU WANT TO--
--YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION
LATER,
Mackie
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Well, I enjoyed it very much, loved the music and the lyrics, great job...
glyn
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HiDee T-Bro!
Overall, I like it...it's definitely unexpected Asian Sounds (When my ear's expecting more of a "High Noon" Vibe..considering the Plotline.) I didja a more "angry" re-write, lyrically, at Forum 3 in the wee-hours..use whatever works. (Methinks any guy who'd gun his wife down, for ANY reason, is basically a hothead & WOULDN'T be as-sorty-Contrite as Singer ends up here. In Reality, such a person's "Closure" would be when he ends the lives of the Cheaters, JMO.)
LIKE your Vocals...& Narrative Style...Works Wonderfully! Good Luck with this, Amigo..it's a Great Concept & Hook.
Best Wishes & a Big Guy-Hug, Stan
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I liked the vocal a lot - it gave the whole thing a sort of sppoky feel. I found it more of a mood piece than a story song though - Stan's rewrite may be worth a look to make the character seem more believable since he didn't seem angry enough to regret it and just a little to melancholy for someone who would shoot his wife and the cheater.
I have no idea which movie you're referencing though, so if the current way fits better with the movie then that's probably the way to keep it.
Loved the creepy music in the background. It kinda had the feel of an old detective film/radio series/novel.
Just some thoughts - take or leave!
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GLYNDA--
I appreciate my TX GIRL stopping by--HOPE YOU GET THROUGH THE HARD TIMES.
Don't really know why I penned this one, except I picked up the VIBE--- in that old B & W movie.
You just never know about this thing call--SONG WRITING--Some times the UNEXPECTED--Like our lives!
Thanks,
Mackie
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Stan the Man--
I appreciate you taking the time with this one--I'll have to study your SUGGS and see where I can improve, still trying to parallel the IDEA of that "B" MOVIE--There are a lot of people who never have CLOSURE in a true sense--It may linger their whole life, leading to alcohol, drugs and suicide--Do appreciate your comments and time--I'll make notes and see where it leads--
Always,
Mackie
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John--
Do appreciate the feedback on this one--I always learn something I overlooked when writing--I will consider the suggestions--MOST OF MY LYRICS AND SONGS ARE STILL EVOLVING--
The D.C. and Maryland AREAS, are OK PLACES for growing in the MUSIC FIELD-- I was in ARLINGTON, VA for a year--ROCK, POP, FOLK and JAZZ were cooking back then--
Later,
Mackie
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Mackie, my man
This just blows me away.
The man in Black (J.C.) just rolled over, to see who the hell is that.
Great story and I loved your vocal delivery.
The music is undeniably perfect for this piece.
Some stunning work, Brother
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Nelson--
I appreciate you lending an ear to this one--I'm trying different things, hoping to find something that works--I appreciate your kind treatment and feedback--I'm always listening to you--
Thanks,
Mackie
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Hi Mackie. Good story here. I cant wait to hear this if it goes to full production.
I did think that the line ‘Now they both lay dead in the sand’ was maybe out of rhyme convenience. Sorry friend. Maybe if somewhere before a beach had been mentioned then ‘sand’ would have worked for me.
Anyway here is a suggestion, KOS.
V1 Why did she have to cheat on me I’m her loving hard working man That slick devil should’ve let her be Now they both lay dead BY MY HAND.
I did think that maybe the end could have resolved where he done his time…and we find he was talking about past event. Would need a couple of small tweaks to work.
“Life in prison”.......”Life in prison”.... Never made me forget” “Life in prison”.......”Life in prison”.... ....NEVER made me forget............................
Anyway Mackie just me rambling
I do like it though
God Bless Roy and Helen
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Roy--
Always good to hear from you--Good suggestions offered--May try to use them when I do the FINAL--
Thanks for your interest and feedback--
Mackie
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mackie,
Nice job on this one! I kind of like the singing being more matter of fact instead of a mad crazy guy myself. Just seemed different. Very much like Johnny Cash to me. Loved the music and how it seemed to change with the song but with no particular pattern to speak of. (at least on first listen)
Very cool!
Ricky
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Ricky--
I appreciate you tuning this one in--I'll probably change it a little when I redo it--Well, I am laid back--had a lot of hard knocks, but I am mellowing some, as I age and gather a different perspective in this new DIGITAL CENTURY--Just trying to learn some of the new WAYS: MUSIC, PRODUCTION, and WRITING--
Thanks for your POSITIVE TAKE on this song--Still working on it.
Later,
Mackie
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