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Strong Walls of Apathy

A tightrope walk of passion
Between love and hate
Long as I stayed on that rope
You remained my fate
With every battle you won
You left a deeper scar
I'm not pushing back now
'Cause you have pushed too far
It's the moment you drove me
Behind strong walls of apathy

As long as I felt hate
There was something there to keep
Love still had a chance
As long as I could weep
Now I can't feel the love
I can't shed a tear
I don't feel the pain
You can't reach me here
Now my heart's safe with me
Behind strong walls of apathy

Look at you standing there
Still trying to play the game
Now you're the fool, can't you see
Everything has changed
You can't hurt me anymore
Was it worth the loss to win
It's cold here but I feel
A peaceful breeze blowin' in
I'm a laughing child, running free
Behind strong walls of apathy

copyright 2004 by Leanne Martin

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http://www.geocities.com/leanne47960/page1.html

[This message has been edited by leanne47960 (edited 08-27-2004).]

Nicely put together. There are some great lines and ideas throughout. I don't feel like she'd truly be apathetic in the second two verses (but maybe... I guess she'd be apathetic about what he thought)... so I'm not sure the hook 'literally' works, but I guarantee you I wouldn't think twice about that if I heard some angsty gal singer belting this out over some grungy riffs. I'm imagining this somewhere in the realm of Avril Lavigne's music... forgive me if I offend . This is well crafted, hope it gets a good tune.

CP

Good morning Leanne,

Nice tune.
I like the first line & I like this part a lot...

You can't hurt me anymore
Was it worth the loss to win
It's cold here but I feel
A peaceful breeze blowin' in

Have a great day,
Calvin

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewartmusic.htm

Leanne:

I like what Corey had to say here I think he is on the right track for this lyric, "gal singer belting this out over some grungy riffs. I'm imagining this somewhere in the realm of Avril Lavigne's music" There seems to be a lot of opportunity in alt. rock and this lyric seems to fall into this category. Give me an email, got some solid development ideas for this type of lyric.

Jerry

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Cool Leanne!

Reminds me of Evanescence... A real good thing . Can't wait to hear it!!

Nice one!!

"Uncle" Chuck Crowe

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http://www.soundclick.com/bands/athabaxtra.htm
http://www.chuckcrowe.com

Athabaxtra:

You hit the nail on the head exactly what I was thinking. "Reminds me of Evanescence... A real good thing . Can't wait to hear it!!" What is that group "Seethur" or something like that. The one where the boyfriend of the lead singer from Evanescence is in. Maybe this could lend to a female "Trent Resnor/Nine Inch Nails" type of thing, solid thinking Athabaxtra.

later
Jerry

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Hi Leanne,

Darn, couldn't find any gainful employment here except to say. . .
I'm impressed.

I'd like to see a chorus though
and maybe a simplification of the hook line, which would become the lead chorus line. . .

Just as an example:

Chorus

Behind a wall of apathy
Strength slowly returns to me
Inspiration flowing, hope is growing
Behind this wall of apathy

Word "safety" might be useful too.

Behind strong walls of apathy
Strength slowly returns to me
Hope is growing, inspiration flowing,
Behind strong walls of apathy.

Behind strong walls of apathy
Courage began to stir in me
Hope is growing, inspiration flowing,
Behind strong walls of apathy.

"Bridge" rather than "chorus" maybe. . .
(cause the hook line, as you know, is a refrain anyway)

But either way. . .
it can provides the "listener" a relaxing break from the ponderous and weighty conclusions of the verses, as well as manefesting the positive fruits of the resignation and resolution upon which your "song" is based .

Thus the validity of your conclusions
is convincingly demonstrated and reinforced via pleasureable song.

You know from before, that I don't just compulsively presume to make changes
(I'm happiest when I don't think I have any valid suggestion :-)
. . . but for some reason I felt compelled to explain the convoluted motivation of my addled brain.

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Terry

[This message has been edited by Tall_Terry (edited 08-27-2004).]

wooooooooohoooooooooo Leanne, WOW!!!!

I like TT's chorus

here's a tag if you like.....

now you're the one in therapy
if you're lucky you'll find apathy
but until that time face the facts
you....lost.....me

Hey leanne! Forget all the suggestions - it's perfect as it is! I love the contradiction in the line "strong walls of apathy" - think I would make that the title?

Diane

I forgot to say - my favourite line is:-

"It's cold in here but I feel
A peaceful breeze blowin' in"

Perfect!!!

Hi Leanne,

I'm not into rock but this lyric is very powerful! It's so real. I wouldn't change anything!

.

[This message has been edited by leanne47960 (edited 08-27-2004).]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by leanne47960:
[B]Just got home from work and WOW! Didn't expect such an overwhelming response.

Corey,
Thank you for your comments. The realm of Avril Lavigne's music...not offended by that comment at all. I hope I can come up with a good tune too. Darn it, why didn't I ever learn to play guitar or something!?


Good Evening Calvin,
Glad you liked it. Thanks for taking the time to point out your favorite lines!


Hi Jerry!
You've been reading TAXI listings, haven't you? Thanks for the read.


Uncle Chuck,
I love Evanescence! Thanks for the compliments!


Tall Terry!
Haven't heard from you in a while! You crack me up-couldn't find any gainful employment here, but you managed to write me a chorus! I always appreciate your input, will give it some consideration.


Ritt,
Thanks so much for the woohoo, the wow, and the tag. You've always been a helpful supporter of my work.


Diane,
You sound like a woman who knows exactly what this song's about. Have you been there before? Like your idea for the title, might use it. Thanks for the nice comments, and for pointing out your favorite lines.


Songbird,
Do you think this would have to be rock? Powerful and real? Thanks, that's what I was aiming for, and just hoping for universal appeal!


I thought for sure someone would say they just didn't have any feelings about this one.
You all made my day.

Leanne

oops!

Leanne:

Na, I haven't been reading TAXI listings. However this does seem to meet the criteria for the fist listing you emailed me. I would find a local band a record locally on an idea like this rather than doing something with the folks in Nashville, etc. Eric bought that Evanescence CD when it first came out and that is some real creative stuff. It reminds me of modern Gothic Jefferson Airplane stuff. Well anyway that is my thoughts.

Jerry

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Hi Leanne,

Your tasteful response to,
and appreciation of my heartfelt effort,
stands in stark contrast to the suggestion to ignore.

Thanks for pickin' me up,
When vanity lets me down
and good to hear from you again too.

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Terry

Damn right I've been there Leanne! We probably all have at some time - male and female. I just loved the way you expressed it.

Terry - try not to be so sensitive! Your comments and input are ALWAYS appreciated, and I for one will never ignore them (again!)

Diane

HIDee Lady L!

Nifty Lyric...sorty "Attitude-cum-Angst" which is far more Interesting than just Attitude alone.

Suggest ya extend the Title to "Strong Walls of Apathy" or even just "Strong Walls"..."Apathy" alone's a scosh "White Bread"..JMO.

All 3 Verses are Excellent...V3's my Personal Fave...REAL Strong Finish!

"KUDOS" & Good Luck with a Good'n'!

Big Hugs,
Stan

Hi Leanne,

Did a major edit of my other post.

TT

Hi Leanne,

I was thinking maybe something for Sheryl Crowe...?

Terry seems convinced you need a chorus, and I was thinking since the verses are quite lenghthy, you could use the last two lines (the hook) as a chorus and repeat them twice.

Then you'd have 8-line verses and a 4 line chorus.

Just a thought.

Hey Leanne:

Early on I got sucked into all this female gender thing on this one. Reading and thinking about what I'm reading it doesn't have to be a female gender type of thing. The emotions are cross the boundries of gender here. In that case I would say "Alice In Chains" unplugged style or maybe Aaron Lewis only a shade darker. You are moving in a direction, for sure.

A tightrope walk of passion between love and hate (12)
Long as I stayed on that rope you remained my fate (12)
With every battle you won you left a deeper scar (13)
I'm not pushing back now 'cause you have pushed too far (12)
It's the moment you drove me behind strong walls of apathy (15)

How's the old church hymm go? "In my head there rings a melody".



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Terry,
That's some beautiful stuff you wrote there, and your suggested lyrics aren't bad either! And you know when I sit down to actually put this to music, I just may be reaching for my copy of your suggestions. As you know, a lot of changes can take place during that process. Although I was leaning more towards Songbird's idea of just repeating the refrain. Thanks for taking the time to explain, I learn from that.
Leanne

Stan,
You and Diane were right, "Apathy" by itself, is white bread. As you can see, I changed it to your suggested title, and like it better. (By the way, I enjoyed your White Bread lyrics.) And thanks for the compliments, I'm glad you liked it.

Big hug back,
Leanne

Hi Leanne,

Sorry for the delete. . .
Got embarrassed at my chattiness.
TT

[This message has been edited by Tall_Terry (edited 08-28-2004).]

Terry,
No need for embarrassment here. Ain't this a place to express yourself? Besides, I thought it was very eloquent and perceptive.
And, I do consider everyone's comments and suggestions very seriously. I don't always end up agreeing, but I do think them over. Afterall, isn't that the point of posting here?

Thanks,
Leanne

Leanne..I think this is really fine writing...well done..and good luck with it..

best wishes......
Kaley

Why thank you Kaley! I wrote a melody for it, now just got to figure out who to have record the demo for me. Thanks for wishing me luck, I'll need it.

Leanne

Hi Leanne
I'm late, but wanted to share my thoughts after reading your lovely lyric. Your words flowed well throughout...can't wait to hear it.

Michelle

Hi Leanne,

I just wanted to say that you're from my neck of the woods! I live in Lafayette and we have a monthly songwriters group. Let me know if you would be interested in attending.

Now, about the song - I like what some other people have suggested - it could use a chorus or a bridge. Although a musical bridge could be used to good effect too.
Lee Anna


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http://www.soundclick.com/bands/9/troublewithmonday.htm

Michelle,
Hi! Haven't heard from you in a long time! Thanks so much for your comments, I don't care if they're late! As long as my songs still on page one, that's not late anyway, is it?

Leanne

Lee Anna,
I bet people have trouble spelling your name right, huh? I did not know there was a songwriter's group in Lafayette! That's great! Could you email me the details? Listened to your song on SoundClick. Sounded real good! Have you sent your stuff to David Bunte to be played on Purdue's WBAA local music show? Thanks for commenting on my lyrics!

Leanne

[This message has been edited by leanne47960 (edited 09-03-2004).]