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Strong Walls of Apathy A tightrope walk of passion Between love and hate Long as I stayed on that rope You remained my fate With every battle you won You left a deeper scar I'm not pushing back now 'Cause you have pushed too far It's the moment you drove me Behind strong walls of apathy As long as I felt hate There was something there to keep Love still had a chance As long as I could weep Now I can't feel the love I can't shed a tear I don't feel the pain You can't reach me here Now my heart's safe with me Behind strong walls of apathy Look at you standing there Still trying to play the game Now you're the fool, can't you see Everything has changed You can't hurt me anymore Was it worth the loss to win It's cold here but I feel A peaceful breeze blowin' in I'm a laughing child, running free Behind strong walls of apathy copyright 2004 by Leanne Martin ------------------ http://www.geocities.com/leanne47960/page1.html [This message has been edited by leanne47960 (edited 08-27-2004).]
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Nicely put together. There are some great lines and ideas throughout. I don't feel like she'd truly be apathetic in the second two verses (but maybe... I guess she'd be apathetic about what he thought)... so I'm not sure the hook 'literally' works, but I guarantee you I wouldn't think twice about that if I heard some angsty gal singer belting this out over some grungy riffs. I'm imagining this somewhere in the realm of Avril Lavigne's music... forgive me if I offend . This is well crafted, hope it gets a good tune. CP
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Good morning Leanne, Nice tune. I like the first line & I like this part a lot... You can't hurt me anymore Was it worth the loss to win It's cold here but I feel A peaceful breeze blowin' in Have a great day, Calvin http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewartmusic.htm
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Leanne: I like what Corey had to say here I think he is on the right track for this lyric, "gal singer belting this out over some grungy riffs. I'm imagining this somewhere in the realm of Avril Lavigne's music" There seems to be a lot of opportunity in alt. rock and this lyric seems to fall into this category. Give me an email, got some solid development ideas for this type of lyric. Jerry ------------------ DAWG TRAX HOME PAGE DAWG TRAX NEWSLETTER
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Athabaxtra: You hit the nail on the head exactly what I was thinking. "Reminds me of Evanescence... A real good thing . Can't wait to hear it!!" What is that group "Seethur" or something like that. The one where the boyfriend of the lead singer from Evanescence is in. Maybe this could lend to a female "Trent Resnor/Nine Inch Nails" type of thing, solid thinking Athabaxtra. later Jerry ------------------ DAWG TRAX HOME PAGE DAWG TRAX NEWSLETTER
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Hi Leanne, Darn, couldn't find any gainful employment here except to say. . . I'm impressed. I'd like to see a chorus though and maybe a simplification of the hook line, which would become the lead chorus line. . . Just as an example: Chorus Behind a wall of apathy Strength slowly returns to me Inspiration flowing, hope is growing Behind this wall of apathy Word "safety" might be useful too. Behind strong walls of apathy Strength slowly returns to me Hope is growing, inspiration flowing, Behind strong walls of apathy. Behind strong walls of apathy Courage began to stir in me Hope is growing, inspiration flowing, Behind strong walls of apathy. "Bridge" rather than "chorus" maybe. . . (cause the hook line, as you know, is a refrain anyway) But either way. . . it can provides the "listener" a relaxing break from the ponderous and weighty conclusions of the verses, as well as manefesting the positive fruits of the resignation and resolution upon which your "song" is based . Thus the validity of your conclusions is convincingly demonstrated and reinforced via pleasureable song. You know from before, that I don't just compulsively presume to make changes (I'm happiest when I don't think I have any valid suggestion :-) . . . but for some reason I felt compelled to explain the convoluted motivation of my addled brain. ------------------ Terry [This message has been edited by Tall_Terry (edited 08-27-2004).]
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wooooooooohoooooooooo Leanne, WOW!!!!
I like TT's chorus
here's a tag if you like.....
now you're the one in therapy if you're lucky you'll find apathy but until that time face the facts you....lost.....me
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Hey leanne! Forget all the suggestions - it's perfect as it is! I love the contradiction in the line "strong walls of apathy" - think I would make that the title?
Diane
Mz Bernie Taupin looking for her Elton John??
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I forgot to say - my favourite line is:-
"It's cold in here but I feel A peaceful breeze blowin' in"
Perfect!!!
Mz Bernie Taupin looking for her Elton John??
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Hi Leanne,
I'm not into rock but this lyric is very powerful! It's so real. I wouldn't change anything!
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.
[This message has been edited by leanne47960 (edited 08-27-2004).]
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by leanne47960: [B]Just got home from work and WOW! Didn't expect such an overwhelming response.
Corey, Thank you for your comments. The realm of Avril Lavigne's music...not offended by that comment at all. I hope I can come up with a good tune too. Darn it, why didn't I ever learn to play guitar or something!?
Good Evening Calvin, Glad you liked it. Thanks for taking the time to point out your favorite lines!
Hi Jerry! You've been reading TAXI listings, haven't you? Thanks for the read.
Uncle Chuck, I love Evanescence! Thanks for the compliments!
Tall Terry! Haven't heard from you in a while! You crack me up-couldn't find any gainful employment here, but you managed to write me a chorus! I always appreciate your input, will give it some consideration.
Ritt, Thanks so much for the woohoo, the wow, and the tag. You've always been a helpful supporter of my work.
Diane, You sound like a woman who knows exactly what this song's about. Have you been there before? Like your idea for the title, might use it. Thanks for the nice comments, and for pointing out your favorite lines.
Songbird, Do you think this would have to be rock? Powerful and real? Thanks, that's what I was aiming for, and just hoping for universal appeal!
I thought for sure someone would say they just didn't have any feelings about this one. You all made my day.
Leanne
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Leanne: Na, I haven't been reading TAXI listings. However this does seem to meet the criteria for the fist listing you emailed me. I would find a local band a record locally on an idea like this rather than doing something with the folks in Nashville, etc. Eric bought that Evanescence CD when it first came out and that is some real creative stuff. It reminds me of modern Gothic Jefferson Airplane stuff. Well anyway that is my thoughts. Jerry ------------------ DAWG TRAX HOME PAGE DAWG TRAX NEWSLETTER
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Hi Leanne, Your tasteful response to, and appreciation of my heartfelt effort, stands in stark contrast to the suggestion to ignore. Thanks for pickin' me up, When vanity lets me down and good to hear from you again too. ------------------ Terry
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Damn right I've been there Leanne! We probably all have at some time - male and female. I just loved the way you expressed it. Terry - try not to be so sensitive! Your comments and input are ALWAYS appreciated, and I for one will never ignore them (again!) Diane
Mz Bernie Taupin looking for her Elton John??
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HIDee Lady L!
Nifty Lyric...sorty "Attitude-cum-Angst" which is far more Interesting than just Attitude alone.
Suggest ya extend the Title to "Strong Walls of Apathy" or even just "Strong Walls"..."Apathy" alone's a scosh "White Bread"..JMO.
All 3 Verses are Excellent...V3's my Personal Fave...REAL Strong Finish!
"KUDOS" & Good Luck with a Good'n'!
Big Hugs, Stan
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Hi Leanne, Did a major edit of my other post. TT
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Hi Leanne,
I was thinking maybe something for Sheryl Crowe...?
Terry seems convinced you need a chorus, and I was thinking since the verses are quite lenghthy, you could use the last two lines (the hook) as a chorus and repeat them twice.
Then you'd have 8-line verses and a 4 line chorus.
Just a thought.
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Hey Leanne: Early on I got sucked into all this female gender thing on this one. Reading and thinking about what I'm reading it doesn't have to be a female gender type of thing. The emotions are cross the boundries of gender here. In that case I would say "Alice In Chains" unplugged style or maybe Aaron Lewis only a shade darker. You are moving in a direction, for sure. A tightrope walk of passion between love and hate (12) Long as I stayed on that rope you remained my fate (12) With every battle you won you left a deeper scar (13) I'm not pushing back now 'cause you have pushed too far (12) It's the moment you drove me behind strong walls of apathy (15) How's the old church hymm go? "In my head there rings a melody". ------------------ DAWG TRAX HOME PAGE DAWG TRAX NEWSLETTER
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Terry, That's some beautiful stuff you wrote there, and your suggested lyrics aren't bad either! And you know when I sit down to actually put this to music, I just may be reaching for my copy of your suggestions. As you know, a lot of changes can take place during that process. Although I was leaning more towards Songbird's idea of just repeating the refrain. Thanks for taking the time to explain, I learn from that. Leanne
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Stan, You and Diane were right, "Apathy" by itself, is white bread. As you can see, I changed it to your suggested title, and like it better. (By the way, I enjoyed your White Bread lyrics.) And thanks for the compliments, I'm glad you liked it.
Big hug back, Leanne
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Hi Leanne, Sorry for the delete. . . Got embarrassed at my chattiness. TT [This message has been edited by Tall_Terry (edited 08-28-2004).]
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Terry, No need for embarrassment here. Ain't this a place to express yourself? Besides, I thought it was very eloquent and perceptive. And, I do consider everyone's comments and suggestions very seriously. I don't always end up agreeing, but I do think them over. Afterall, isn't that the point of posting here?
Thanks, Leanne
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Leanne..I think this is really fine writing...well done..and good luck with it.. best wishes...... Kaley
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Why thank you Kaley! I wrote a melody for it, now just got to figure out who to have record the demo for me. Thanks for wishing me luck, I'll need it.
Leanne
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Hi Leanne I'm late, but wanted to share my thoughts after reading your lovely lyric. Your words flowed well throughout...can't wait to hear it.
Michelle
Michelle
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Hi Leanne, I just wanted to say that you're from my neck of the woods! I live in Lafayette and we have a monthly songwriters group. Let me know if you would be interested in attending. Now, about the song - I like what some other people have suggested - it could use a chorus or a bridge. Although a musical bridge could be used to good effect too. Lee Anna ------------------ http://www.soundclick.com/bands/9/troublewithmonday.htm
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Michelle, Hi! Haven't heard from you in a long time! Thanks so much for your comments, I don't care if they're late! As long as my songs still on page one, that's not late anyway, is it?
Leanne
Lee Anna, I bet people have trouble spelling your name right, huh? I did not know there was a songwriter's group in Lafayette! That's great! Could you email me the details? Listened to your song on SoundClick. Sounded real good! Have you sent your stuff to David Bunte to be played on Purdue's WBAA local music show? Thanks for commenting on my lyrics!
Leanne
[This message has been edited by leanne47960 (edited 09-03-2004).]
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