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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,878 Likes: 2
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Joined: Apr 2009
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This is one that got recycled after another piece I wrote brought back an old flame to mind, an occasion whose breakup affected me very much at the time. It is a long story and one which I will share with you if anyone requests it. This piece was written back in 1981, and now, 37 years later, I found a copy of it and made some minor tweaks, and here it is.
RIBBON OF TEARS
c1981, 2018 Brian Beecher
It’s a familiar story Of love in the dying When once happy people Are suddenly crying For the loss of a loved one Who obviously was very dear
This story of sorrow I was forced into believing Reality hit me On a September evening When a true love had left me Who for a while was very near
You can search your heart over To find all the reasons But so often it dies out With the change of the seasons While the ones who are lucky Have happiness many long years
Many times a strong feeling Runs deeper and deeper And it seems so to spread Like a contagious fever Only one day to wrap people up In a ribbon of tears
Like a TV soap opera It’s an everyday story As the love of two people Just loses its glory We all hope it won’t happen but yet We all carry the fear
That the words will get harsher And the eyes will get wetter And it happens all over From mansion to ghetto As people let feelings be known In a tense atmosphere
You can search your heart over To find all the reasons But so often it dies out With the change of the seasons While the ones who are lucky Have happiness many long years
Many times a strong feeling Runs deeper and deeper And it seems so to spread Like a contagious fever Only one day to wrap people up In a ribbon of tears
It’s a familiar story Of love in the dying When once happy people Are suddenly crying For the loss of a loved one Who obviously was very dear
This story of sorrow I was forced into believing Reality hit me On a September evening When a true love had left me Who for a while was very near
You can search your heart over To find all the reasons But so often it dies out With the change of the seasons While the ones who are lucky Have happiness many long years
Many times a strong feeling Runs deeper and deeper And it seems so to spread Like a contagious fever Only one day to wrap people up In a ribbon of tears
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 1,035 Likes: 2
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 1,035 Likes: 2 |
A bit more work maybe Brian. Many lines refer to the same thing. The flow from one verse to another could use work. I'd lose the 1V altogether. The transitions could flow better, I wouldn't go from happiness to sadness:
You can search your heart over To find all the reasons But so often it dies out With the change of the seasons While the ones who are lucky Have happiness many long years
Many times a strong feeling Runs deeper and deeper And it seems so to spread Like a contagious fever Only one day to wrap people up In a ribbon of tears
A suggestion:
The passion the feeling Digs deeper and deeper As it escalates Like an infectious fever Till one day you're restrained In a ribbon of tears
Good luck with this! -Mike
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