10 members (Fdemetrio, bennash, VNORTH2, Sunset Poet, couchgrouch, Everett Adams, Bill Draper, 3 invisible),
1,127
guests, and
235
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 1,035 Likes: 2
Top 500 Poster
|
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 1,035 Likes: 2 |
A bit more work maybe Brian. Many lines refer to the same thing. The flow from one verse to another could use work. I'd lose the 1V altogether. The transitions could flow better, I wouldn't go from happiness to sadness:
You can search your heart over To find all the reasons But so often it dies out With the change of the seasons While the ones who are lucky Have happiness many long years
Many times a strong feeling Runs deeper and deeper And it seems so to spread Like a contagious fever Only one day to wrap people up In a ribbon of tears
A suggestion:
The passion the feeling Digs deeper and deeper As it escalates Like an infectious fever Till one day you're restrained In a ribbon of tears
Good luck with this! -Mike
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
Forums117
Topics125,753
Posts1,161,281
Members21,470
|
Most Online37,523 Jan 25th, 2020
|
|
"When will we all, as artists, creators and facilitators learn that the so-called experts in our lives are nothing more than someone who has stepped forward and called themselves an expert?" –Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
|
|