|
8 members (Fdemetrio, ckiphen, Bill Draper, bennash, Sunset Poet, 3 invisible),
1,007
guests, and
302
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1
Top 30 Poster
|
OP
Top 30 Poster
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1 |
Some of you commented on the original demo of this one with just bass accompaniment. I have moved it along, although it is not finished - needs a real drum track and some tidying up. Take a listen and let me know what you think. The version with just bass is below it. New Version All about the bass We Said Goodbye Copyright ©2015 Colin Ward V1 I said goodbye to a friend today, She left for greener pastures, I don’t know when I’ll see her again, She’s out seeking answers V2 Opportunity knocked and she couldn’t say no, Even though her friends will miss her, A thousand miles between us now, Her voice is just a whisper Ch And we celebrated when she hit the road, With beans and macaroni, Alcohol flowed as we kissed goodbye, And we hope she won’t be lonely, A cake was cut with her name on top, And her things were put in a trailer, She headed north with her head in a cloud, At least it’s not Venezuela Instrumental Ch Bridge And we sometimes talk on the phone, And chat about how we’re doing, How the weather is bad, day after day, And the friendship that needs renewing Ch
Last edited by Colin Ward; 04/14/15 04:51 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325
Top 10 Poster
|
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325 |
might need some bass!No really though this is gonna be a cool one.It has some fun along with the seriousness.Can't wait to hear the others.I wish i could put a cd out a month!Mike
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,827
Top 50 Poster
|
|
Top 50 Poster
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,827 |
Hey Colin, Polish ? Hmmmm.... yeah well..... hmmm....  It's good to see you put up a work such as this, because it's all bare bones, and you're seeing if the idea is there, and worth further work ? Well, Ok, as a song I think it's quirky, and the lyrics have a certain reverence to them, the chord structure is fine, and I can see a lot of cross harmonies put in there, and could I see it worthwhile working on ? Yep, for sure. There's something there which has "zing" to it, in a tangenal kind of way. Not a "ditch this" song. cheers, niteshift
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210
Top 50 Poster
|
|
Top 50 Poster
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 5,210 |
Resting after writing 14 new songs in February for February Album Writing Month. The songs are rough drafts and now I am ready to start polishing this one. All comments welcome. <div style="width:473px; border:solid #999999 1px; background-image:url('http://www.soundclick.com/images/elogos/SC_ExtBG.png')"> <a href='http://www.soundclick.com/ccward'> <div style="background-color:width:460px; height:45px; cursor:pointer; background-image:url('http://www.soundclick.com/images/elogos/SC_460.png');"></div></a> <div id="lower"><object type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowScriptAccess="never" allowNetworking="internal" height="60" width="473" data="http://www.soundclick.com/player/V2/mp3player.swf"> <param name="allowScriptAccess" value="never" /> <param name="allowNetworking" value="internal" /> <param name="movie" value="http://www.soundclick.com/player/V2/mp3player.swf" /> <param name="loop" value="false" /> <param name="menu" value="false" /> <param name="quality" value="high" /> <param name="wmode" value="transparent" /> <param name="flashvars" value="playType=single&songid=13067390&scid=13067390&q=hi&ext=1&autoplay=0" /> <param name="scale" value="noscale" /> <param name="salign" value="b" /> <param name="bgcolor" value="#000000" /> </object></div></div> We Said Goodbye Copyright ©2015 Colin Ward V1 I said goodbye to a friend today, She left for greener pastures, I don’t know when I’ll see her again, She’s out seeking answers V2 A change came up and she couldn’t say no, Even though her friends will miss her, A thousand miles between us now, Her voice is just a whisper Ch And we celebrated when she hit the road, With beans and macaroni, Alcohol flowed as we kissed goodbye, And we hope she won’t be lonely, A cake was cut with her name on top, And her things were put in a trailer, She headed north with her head in a cloud, At least it’s not Venezuela- to me the chorus needs more recognizable melody, it sounds to me too similar to the verse. I also feel shortening it might be better and the Venezuela to me takes away the seriousness, though the rhyme is cool. It takes away for me, personally. Keep or sweep Instrumental Ch Bridge And we sometimes talk on the phone, And chat about how we’re doing, How the weather is bad, day after day, And the friendship that needs renewing- this line seems too ..I don't know the word, too proper maybe? Ch Colin I am digging the melody of the verses here and I remember what this song was about, you had told me, I wonder if it might resonate more to make it about a lover leaving instead of just a friend. Kimberly
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,559
Top 200 Poster
|
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,559 |
Hey Colin,
It is kind of hard to critique a song in such an undeveloped state, but I will say I dig the melody a lot. I also enjoyed the lyric, especially this line ...
"And we celebrated when she hit the road,
With beans and macaroni"
You don't see a lot of people celebrating with beans and macaroni. Sounds like fun.
I also found it interesting that you played the rough draft with the bass. Did you write this tune on the bass? For me, that would be extremely difficult to do.
Dave
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1
Top 30 Poster
|
|
OP
Top 30 Poster
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1 |
Thanks everyone. As you may know, FAWM motivates one to crank out songs and then go back and finish them later. After about five songs, I totally forget what the first one sounded like so I have to go back and get back into each one with renewed enthusiasm after it's over.
I recorded this with just the bass which makes staying on pitch a bit of a challenge since it is harder to hear low pitch while singing. I might have strummed a few chords on the guitar while writing it but I honestly forget.
My plan is to start out with the bass and vocal and build as other things come in and go out....maybe end with just bass. I guess I need to tighten up the lyrics and phrasing first, and polish the melody so comments about those come first.
Kim, I thought about leaving it as friend just so people could imagine what kind of friend she is. More people could relate to the lyric if it is not too specific.
Thanks
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831
Top 30 Poster
|
|
Top 30 Poster
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831 |
Hi Colin:
I attempted to listen right after you posted the song. Unfortunately, looks like soundclick does not care for my browser and I did not get to hear it. I did read the lyric and understand that time is not your ally with such a compressed schedule. The bones are there but I suspect you will probably change a phrase or word here or there. Best of luck with this and your album.
Dave
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,235
Top 200 Poster
|
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,235 |
Performed nicely. Both bass and vocal. IMO it needs both a lyrical and melodic hook. I'd vote w/ Kim that it might be more interesting if a relationship was involved. Or maybe the alcohol flowed and one thing led to another and now you have really mixed feelings as she drives away.
Peace,
Ian
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 2,616
Top 200 Poster
|
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 2,616 |
Nice start on the lyrics, love the concept.
Fun take on the sad situation, of missing a friend.
Hat's off to you hard working Fawmers.
All the best as you whip it into shape.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1
Top 30 Poster
|
|
OP
Top 30 Poster
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1 |
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1
Top 30 Poster
|
|
OP
Top 30 Poster
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1 |
Ian,
Thanks for the helpful comments. Lots of work yet.....
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1
Top 30 Poster
|
|
OP
Top 30 Poster
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1 |
Nelson,
Thanks for checking it out. FAWM is real motivator.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 10,941 Likes: 3
Top 10 Poster
|
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 10,941 Likes: 3 |
I haven't started coming out of the FAWM fog yet (ha, ha) -- maybe this weekend I will start weaning myself off of the site!
As said above, I am not hearing a "melodic hook" and the there is not enough differentiation between the chorus and verse. Anyway, congrats on getting your 14 for FAWM -- now comes the hard work!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831
Top 30 Poster
|
|
Top 30 Poster
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 7,831 |
Hi again, Colin:
I recognized my browser was not the problem when I listened to someone else's song via that site. This morning, I noticed the "player" appeared correctly on my computer screen and it allowed me to hear your fledgling song. (B-T-W...thanks for posting a link... even though I did not have to use it.)
We all know this one is written under extreme pressure and that you will continue to whittle, cut and paste until it comes out the way you want it. Kevin, as usual... says the gospel truth. Still, you have many good lines in this one and the melody will stand out with more backing... plus a twist here or a chop there.
Best of luck with it,
Dave
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1
Top 30 Poster
|
|
OP
Top 30 Poster
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1 |
I have update this one with more music, although it is not finished. Comments welcome!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9
Top 40 Poster
|
|
Top 40 Poster
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,916 Likes: 9 |
Love that guitar Colin, and the "beans and macaroni line".
Yes, real drums will make a big improvement.
Vic
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 2,616
Top 200 Poster
|
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 2,616 |
Indeed you are wiping it into shape.
Very cool guitar work, especially in the musical break.
Wonderful vocals as well.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1
Top 30 Poster
|
|
OP
Top 30 Poster
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1 |
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 4,670 Likes: 2
Top 100 Poster
|
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 4,670 Likes: 2 |
I seem to remember commenting on the original over on the FAWM site. Colin. Good to hear how well the music has come along. It's a good story, with some fine lines/imagery. Very nice melody.  Donna
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1
Top 30 Poster
|
|
OP
Top 30 Poster
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1 |
Calvin,
Thanks for that...
Donna,
Thanks - I believe you did!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1
Top 30 Poster
|
|
OP
Top 30 Poster
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1 |
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 8,490
Top 20 Poster
|
|
Top 20 Poster
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 8,490 |
Hi Colin,
You've got a nice, refreshingly light song here!
I like the lightness of the relationship, but also understand the tug toward wanting to make it more!
I thought I'd mention that when I finished listening to the song, the macaroni line was really standing out to me. It has something to do with the way you sang that line, not just the word.
So, I think it should be called "Beans and Macaroni!"
Lisa
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1
Top 30 Poster
|
|
OP
Top 30 Poster
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1 |
Lisa....thanks! Interesting suggestion. I will very seriously consider that.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1
Top 30 Poster
|
|
OP
Top 30 Poster
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1 |
What the heck....it's Beans and Macaroni now.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 8,490
Top 20 Poster
|
|
Top 20 Poster
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 8,490 |
COOL BEANS!  That's what I've been singing for the past four days! Lisa
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1
Top 30 Poster
|
|
OP
Top 30 Poster
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1 |
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4
Top 10 Poster
|
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,264 Likes: 4 |
Great song, vocal and production enjoyed the listen.Liked that instrumental too
Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1
Top 30 Poster
|
|
OP
Top 30 Poster
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,911 Likes: 1 |
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 2,616
Top 200 Poster
|
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 2,616 |
Even better Colin.
Great over production and sweet guitar through out.
|
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
|
Forums117
Topics125,831
Posts1,161,977
Members21,470
| |
Most Online37,523
Jan 25th, 2020
|
|
|
"Never accept no as an answer from someone not empowered to say yes in the first place." –Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
|
|
