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Joined: May 2007
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Hello, JPFers! It’s been a lonnng time since I posted a lyric here, so I thought I’d toss one up and see where it lands! I did FAWM in February, but this one wasn’t part of it. lol So much to do with those, but good thing writing is an ongoing process!  I have some melody ideas for this lyric, so it’d be great to see how some objective eyes perceive it....if it connects with itself, flow, interest...etc...before I go any further. Thanks for your comments/suggestions!  *EDIT May 10th: I'm playing around with a few lines…so I've put them in blue to compare. I like to see what I had and *test* new ideas inside the lyric. Love Without Measure Where did the love end Where do you go from here Hope has no name when You’re crying thru cloudy tears How will you move on How will you find some peace Life can feel so wrong When it’s dragging you thru the weeds OR ----When there is no harmonyAnd you’ll sink or swim, but you have to begin [ch] To love without measure Soak in the pleasures Give what you think you need Sing for a moment Attend to what’s broken Play the piano keys And love without measure Love without measure Why do you scramble Why do you run away OR -----Why do the blues steal the daysHearts tumble then tangle But there is no one to blame You can be happy OR What makes you happyTake one breath at a time OR What makes the time fly byVast hills and valleys Hold diamonds beneath the vines Repeat lift, ch [br] A gift is a gift There’s no meter stick Forget what you think you know Just grab the oars and row Repeat lift, ch ©2014 Kristi McKeever
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Joined: Jan 2006
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Hi Kristi,
It's so nice to see you back and posting!!! YAY!!!
As I read this, I thought ... it's quite lovely and delicate! Really pretty write!
One thing that struck me was the "sink or swim" line. It seems like a contradiction to say that even if you sink, you have to begin to love without measure, because sinking seems like...you've sunk already. Or, read another way, it looks like even if you love without measure, you might still sink. Which, I guess, is true, but I don't think that's the intent here. Maybe just a slight rewording?
I thought that the gift line came a little bit out of left field, even though I really like the whole bridge!
Lisa
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Joined: May 2013
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Good concept,lyric and use of words. I enjoyed this very much. As good as this is, I imagined that if you could have used a music or piano metaphor throughout the verses, it would really bring the chorus home when dealing with the "measure" aspect. Just a thought. Regardless, nice work.
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Joined: Jun 2011
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Hi Kristi
I like this one it holds hope for the future but this line I think doesn't fit in with the singers feelings" Why do you run away " as she/he isn't running, just trying to move on, a difference
Or at least that's how I read it lol
Best of luck with it
Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Joined: Jun 2006
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I like it. It shows how vulnerable we can be when love is no longer there. Here is my favorite line:
"Just grab the oars and row"
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Joined: Jan 2005
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i really like this Kristi,nice write.Sinking doesn't bother me cause i've learned to swim underwater!
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Hi Lisa! Thanks for your nice reply! Hmm….reading what you wrote about the "sink or swim" line and it's swimming around in my head!  I think I see what you're saying and I'll think on that a bit... It's good to hear your thoughts on how the bridge struck you as well. It's fun and enlightening to see how a line is perceived….it's very helpful to the writing process, I find! Thanks for taking the time to read over the lyric! Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Joined: May 2007
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Good concept,lyric and use of words. I enjoyed this very much. As good as this is, I imagined that if you could have used a music or piano metaphor throughout the verses, it would really bring the chorus home when dealing with the "measure" aspect. Just a thought. Regardless, nice work. Thank you so much for your comments. It's funny, those "music" lines were added to the chorus after the verses as I wanted to make it *different*. I think it's an interesting idea to link that concept. I am playing around with a few lines to see how it might gel together. Great thoughts! Really appreciate it! Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Joined: May 2007
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Hi Kristi
I like this one it holds hope for the future but this line I think doesn't fit in with the singers feelings" Why do you run away " as she/he isn't running, just trying to move on, a difference
Or at least that's how I read it lol
Best of luck with it
Travis Hi Travis….thank you for your thoughts. I had a reasoning in my head for the "run away" line, but I'm already tossing in new ideas to help it all connect, and that line is one of them. Good to know how it felt to you…appreciate your time in reading and commenting! Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Joined: May 2007
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I like it. It shows how vulnerable we can be when love is no longer there. Here is my favorite line:
"Just grab the oars and row" Oh! I'm so glad to hear that is your favorite line! I was debating that line! I appreciate your thoughts very much! Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Joined: May 2007
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i really like this Kristi,nice write.Sinking doesn't bother me cause i've learned to swim underwater! Funny! Well, you know, I've always thought swimming is a valuable skill to acquire! Thank you for your nice comments! Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Joined: Jan 2009
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Hello Kristi. Long time no see for sure. Like me you dropped off for a while and like me you came back.
This it is coming along nicely. The suggestion so far have been very helpful and I am looking forward to the final re-write. Keep us posted.
douglas
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Kristi,
Looks like a fine start. The use of "you" feels generic as is. Maybe you could personalize it some for the singer.
pleasures/measure makes for a great hook line. Could even go full bore positive, downright sappy if you wanted.
Have fun,
John
Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword never had an editor.
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Kristi--
Glad to see a new post--
What you have is OK as a start with me--After reading several times, I keep asking why this lyric is HOWLING: Love without Pleasure!
May be another song, also--
So many souls are trapped for so many reasons in LOVE WITHOUT PLEASURE--Just thinking out loud!
Write on girl--
Mackie
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Hello Kristi. Long time no see for sure. Like me you dropped off for a while and like me you came back.
This it is coming along nicely. The suggestion so far have been very helpful and I am looking forward to the final re-write. Keep us posted.
douglas Yes, it's been awhile! I can't believe how fast time goes by….I may not always post, but I try to keep writing…it's what we must do! Thanks for reading and commenting on this….I'm continuing to work on it…we shall see how it goes… Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Joined: May 2007
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Kristi,
Looks like a fine start. The use of "you" feels generic as is. Maybe you could personalize it some for the singer.
pleasures/measure makes for a great hook line. Could even go full bore positive, downright sappy if you wanted.
Have fun,
John Hi John, Good suggestions. Overall in my mind it's a positive message as one person tries to motivate another…I don't give any more details than that, that's true. I am going over it all for things like that, so your comments are helpful. I hear the chorus as very definitive….intended to be a positive swing at life with music that reflects that…just how far is a good question! Always fun to think of the possibilities! Thanks for your suggestions! Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Kristi--
Glad to see a new post--
What you have is OK as a start with me--After reading several times, I keep asking why this lyric is HOWLING: Love without Pleasure!
May be another song, also--
So many souls are trapped for so many reasons in LOVE WITHOUT PLEASURE--Just thinking out loud!
Write on girl--
Mackie Hi Mackie, Nice to see you! Hey, now there's a hook: "Love without Pleasure" That would be another song, I think. Feel free to pen that one! It's good to hear the "thinking out loud" thoughts because the best ideas come from the brain churning out ideas and not editing itself in the process! Thanks for stopping in and sharing your thoughts! Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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