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by Sunset Poet - 05/20/24 02:06 PM
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by Fdemetrio - 05/18/24 07:44 PM
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by Fdemetrio - 05/15/24 10:34 PM
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 43
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 43 |
Hi Again, Does it sound more like a teenager? Ok. I didn't mean for it to be a cute little kid story, but I meant that the child had to deal with parents that didn't love her. I also thought some lines would point to her agegroup such as how she couldn't get past the end of her street and when she thought nobody else would love her. Also the line about stomping on the floor. I can see how some of her views are more machure, though. It's ok, the agegroup doesn't much matter. Just the story. I can also see, more than ever, that the last few lines are a problem. They make it sound as if she knows her heart is bigger than theirs. I just meant for it to say that she knew that since her parents had a lack of love in their life, she knew how that felt and loved them even if they didn't love her. I'll try fixing it. Thanks for the explanation instead of the cold shoulder. I'm sorry if I came off as obnoxious and that is not the way I want to be seen here. Thanks again. Sarah
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