Hi James,
Thanks for the speedy reply and the "second chance". I can see how my "jokes" might be annoying/offending.
Thanks for reading! Yeah, I realized it was long while typing it in. I understand how this could get monotonous sometimes. I've been listening to a lot of Bruce Springsteen lately, and was attracted to his style of story telling. I think with the right music to carry the lyrics on, the length might be ok, but I'll toy with it and try condensing it. I also thought the return and then leaving again was complicated, but what is a lonely 6-ish year old to do? Another reason for the end, besides my inability to wrap anything I write up, was that I didn't want to the stroy to end in a predictable/already-been-done way. My first thought for the ending was that she would come home and her dad would hug her and say something like "oh, all because we made you clean your room." but I didn't like that idea of all. I'm pretty satisfied with the ending, in terms of originality, but it does seem complicated/confusing/abrupt. I'll see what I can do with it.
Thanks again for the critiques and second-chance. Ciao.

Sarah