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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 19,585 Likes: 13
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 19,585 Likes: 13 |
Has anyone ever heard of The Starmaker Machine?
The Starmaker Machine
Are You the Next Big Thing in the Music Business?
Are your songs better than anything you hear on the radio?
Do your friends and family tell you that you are great?
Are you stuck in BFE, far away from New York, L.A. or Nashville?
Do you have a closet full of your music CD's that you can't even give away?
Do you have a message that the world needs to hear?
Are you a star on the internet forums?
Do you have some money?
Then, I would like to introduce you to The Starmaker Machine! We have the knowledge, experience and connections in the music industry to take your musical career to the next level!
Do you want to play packed stadiums to thousands of screaming fans?
We can make that happen!
Do you want gold records hanging on your home studio walls?
We can make that happen!
Do you want to demand only yellow M & M's on your performance rider?
We can make that happen!
Do you want your face on the cover of Rolling Stone?
We can make that happen!
Do you want to hide your vast wealth in offshore accounts while maintaining your "common man" persona?
We can make that happen!
Do you want a herd of groupies waiting for you at the stage door after your shows?
We can make that happen!
You've already tried it your way, and where are you? Still living in Mom's basement, and working at the Crazy Chicken fast food joint? Still shlepping your guitar to the open mics and posting your music on internet forums?
Stop kidding yourself!
To succeed in the music business, you need to be connected. You need the guidance of professionals who are dedicated to your career. People who can get your music to the right people. You need The Starmaker Machine!
Fact: 14,672 new CD's are released to the public every single second!
Fact: .000000012 % of these CD's will make a profit.
Fact: Most music today is pirated or downloaded for free.
Fact: Most musicians live lives of quiet desperation, ending tragically in drug addiction and suicide.
How can you overcome the daunting challenges of the music business? How can you get your music into the hands of millions of new fans? How can you get the money, prestige and women you truly desire?
By signing up for membership in The Starmaker Machine - that's how!
Success is right around the corner. You can feel it. You are the greatest thing to ever hit the music business. You know it. We know it too! With The Starmaker Machine behind you, all your dreams will come true!
What can you expect to get with your membership?
A professional demo of your song, recorded by top level studio pros!
Your own website on the Starmaker Page!
Two guest passes to The Bluebird Cafeteria in Nashville, Tn!
Two round-trip bus tickets to the Annual Starmaker Convention in Swamp Hollow, Arkansas!
Personal mentoring with Buddy Jay, award-winning songwriter of “Love's Done Got Me” and “The Blue Tick Hound Song”!!
Radio airplay on WSVJ in Wheeling, W.V.
Free membership in Broadcast Music Inc.!
Exclusive song critiques by our staff of award-winning songwriters/A & R / Producers!
Starmaker Staff:
Colonel Bob Parker, President.
Bob has scored a number of charting songs in his long illustrious career, most notably: “She Wouldn't Shut Up, So I Shot Her”, and “There's A Fly In My Beer And A Tear In My Eye” - and who could forget the timeless “Barrooms And Spitoons”?
Bob has also had a huge career on tour, opening for acts like Johnny Dolan's Rough Riders, Nancy Higgenbotham, Charlie Duncan and The Brittles! Bob also hosted a popular Radio Show on WDFR in Bugtussel, Ok.
Bob brings all his years of Music Business Business Experience to everything we do here at TSM, and through his guidance, we are growing every day!
Chet Haskins, C.E.O.
Chet is well known as a pioneer in The Music Business Business, having run a myriad of wildly successful websites catering to amateur songwriters and musicians, such as - “Wannabee.com”, “Poseur.com” and his biggest triumph - “YourSong.com”.
Chet knows all the right people, and can get your song to them!
Emongo Mobubu, Nigerian Chapter President.
Emongo is our rep in Africa. We get a TON of airplay for our clients in Africa! The royalties can be difficult to negotiate, but hey – it's airplay!
Chi Chi Monteno, Latin Music Director
Chi Chi began his music career as the Artistic Director at the BoomBoom Room in Detroit, then moved to L.A. to coordinate the 1st Annual Chicano Punk Festival in Culver City, which was headlined by none other than Juan Yuto! (“Maracas and Cucaraches”).
Why wait? Every passing day you slip further into oblivion! You want the fame – the fortune – YOU KNOW YOU DO!
Sign up TODAY!
1 Year Membership : $1500. USD
3 Year Membership : $6000. USD
Payable to:
Colonel Bob Parker
PO Box 2
Happy Trails Motor Court
Muckoluski, OK.
Membership Form:
Name____________________________________________
Address______________________________________
Email _______________________________________
Credit Card # ___________________________
SSN __________________________________
Bank Account Number(s) ______________________________________
Regards,
Bob Holy crap Bob, I missed this originally.. I laughed out loud because it almost sounds EXACTLY like those old "Colonel Buguphisass" scammers that ripped off people for many decades. One of those a-holes stole 30K from a 70 year old lady we tried like hell to convince not to waste the money on, for a single DEMO of her song. But he was connected, don't you know. Mike Dunbar, myself, John Braheny before he passed and many others tried and tried to talk her out of it to no success. She came back later crying and begging me to help her get her money back. I asked if they gave her the demo of her song they promised? She said yes, they had. I said then you got what everyone said you would get, so there's no complaint to be filed. Sometimes idiots will just do idiotic things and no amount of reason can save them. But man, you NAILED them in a perfect parody! Brian
Brian Austin Whitney Founder Just Plain Folks jpfolkspro@gmail.com Skype: Brian Austin Whitney Facebook: www.facebook.com/justplainfolks"Don't sit around and wait for success to come to you... it doesn't know the way." -Brian Austin Whitney "It's easier to be the bigger man when you actually are..." -Brian Austin Whitney "Sometimes all you have to do to inspire humans to greatness is to give them a reason and opportunity to do something great." -Brian Austin Whitney
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We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
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"Never accept no as an answer from someone not empowered to say yes in the first place." –Brian Austin Whitney
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