It's been a while since I had a Mr Nelson song to listen to, and I always enjoy them.

This one though...I'm on the fence. I get the story and I like the overall concept but it's just not believable. I can buy into the first verse and pre-chorus but the chorus itself is too long. It could be a whole other verse on its own, as an explanation for why he can't settle down. If you did that, then you could make the pre-chorus the chorus.

What I don't buy is V2. She thanks her luck stars for him but when he proposes, she gives him the same explanation (pre-chorus and chorus) he gave in V1? It doesn't feel real to me, at least not as written. I get that you want to turn the tables on him but it feels forced this way. That chorus is just too long and specific for it to work in these two different scenarios.

I think the lyric would be stronger and more believable if you just focus on him and his inability to settle down. It would solve two issues; the too long for prime time, not that it really matters cause it's as long as you need it to be to tell your story, but it would make it shorter. Also, because there is so little variance between verse and chorus music, making the chorus another verse fixes that too.

Just my 2 cents worth. It's good to hear you again.

Ricki

http://www.soundclick.com/rickib
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