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#947936 - 02/28/12 10:31 PM That's My Mom--Demo--Marc Barnette/Roger Sosnowski  
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Here's a level 2 Demo for the long distance co-write between MArc Barnette and me. Any and all comments are welcome


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=1103122&songID=11472530


This second link was for a previous faster version as requested

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=1103122&songID=11233255


Thatís My Mom
@2011 Marc BArnette/Roger Sosnowski

Verse 1

Sheís a bonafide,certified,super hero
In a flash each morning, goes to sixty from zero
A voice like thunder when she says get out of bed
Pulls together a breakfast from nothing in the fridge
Dresses three people never misses a beat
Her Prada business suit turns everyoneís heads
At her office they depend on her
Could never pay her what she deserves

Chorus

Thatís my mom
Where I come from
Iíll probably be just like her with my own kids
Sheís right more times than I like to admit
Sometimes we fight
But most times sheís the bomb
Thatís my mom

Verse 2

Itís kind of tiring when all you hear
Is you two could be, twin sisters
One part mother, two parts therapist
When guys come around and want a ride
Itís her they always want to sit beside
You ask how long youíve gotta put up with this
when my first real love Billy broke my heart
She was there to hold me in her arms

Chorus

Thatís my mom
Where I come from
Iíll probably be just like her with my own kids
Sheís right more times than I like to admit
Sometimes we fight
But most times sheís the bomb
Thatís my mom

Bridge
I look at her, and I see me
I hope that apple doesnít fall too far from the tree

Chorus
Thatís my mom
Where I come from
Iíll probably be just like her with my own kids
Sheís right more times than I like to admit
Sometimes we fight
But most times sheís the bomb
Ohh thatís my mom
Thatís my mom

Last edited by RogerS; 03/02/12 06:44 PM.

Roger Sosnowski
The happiest people in life are those involved in music
#947939 - 02/29/12 12:14 AM Re: That's My Mom--Demo--Marc Barnette/Roger Sosnowski [Re: RogerS]  
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Hey Marc and Roger,
Love the demo the singer and most of the lyrics.

One spot could be improved, IMO:

Itís kind of tiring when all you hear
Is you two could be, twin sisters


Rhyming hear with sisters is a long stretch, even for a near rhyme.


ďI usually start with a title or maybe a little rhyme or phrase.Ē - Harlan Howard

Co-writing = Compromise!


#947965 - 02/29/12 10:50 AM Re: That's My Mom--Demo--Marc Barnette/Roger Sosnowski [Re: R. Shayne Vaughan]  
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A lot different than my version for sure. It works...feels a little more old style country than modern, even at this meter. I think my version had more oomph and was more relevant to today's country market.

Not sour grapes Rog, although Marc's lack of ANY acknowledgement, good or bad, on my version left me a bit cold. Good luck with it.

Zeek

#948003 - 02/29/12 03:42 PM Re: That's My Mom--Demo--Marc Barnette/Roger Sosnowski [Re: Zeek]  
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I think it's a rocking tune.

I like the sentiment.


#948017 - 02/29/12 05:19 PM Re: That's My Mom--Demo--Marc Barnette/Roger Sosnowski [Re: Nelson]  
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Roger,

I can't understand why this melody got slowed down. When you look at the very first verse, there are words in there that almost lead me to the song "9 to 5" (just my opinion)

Words and phrases like:

Super Hero
flash
sixty to zero
thunder
pulls together
turns everybody's head
depend


All more action and excitement words when you look at them as a whole, so I am not convinced this should drag.

The melody in the chorus now has the two middle lines being sung exactly the same which stagnates the chorus and it just doesn't flow for my ears.

"Iíll probably be just like her with my own kids"
"Sheís right more times than I like to admit"


Changing the line "never misses a beat" to "simultaneously" makes sense, a little tricky, but it doesn't get pulled off by the singer.

The keyboard sound at the intro is not pleasing to my ears, just my own personal opinion.

I think aiming this song to a younger crowd sort of suited the lyric (as I understand it), but every song means something different to each person, that is just my opinion based on your words.

It is a very nice write for sure Roger.

Tammy

Last edited by TamsNumber4; 02/29/12 06:13 PM.

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#948134 - 03/01/12 10:58 AM Re: That's My Mom--Demo--Marc Barnette/Roger Sosnowski [Re: TamsNumber4]  
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Hi Shayne,

Thanks for giving this one a listen. Glad you liked it for the most part. Those rhymes are stretching it a bit I admit but still sounded kinda cool we thought. Take care,
Roger


Roger Sosnowski
The happiest people in life are those involved in music
#948173 - 03/01/12 05:00 PM Re: That's My Mom--Demo--Marc Barnette/Roger Sosnowski [Re: RogerS]  
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YOUALL--

HAS A GOOD TEMPO--KINDA OLD SCHOOL--IT NEEDS A KICK ASS TELE AND SASSY DRUMS WITH A WALKIN ALL OVER MR BASS--TO KEEP UP WITH HER--SOUNDS LIKE A BARBARA MANDRELL SONG--

CH
I'D TRY:
Iíll probably be just like her with my own kids
FIND SHE'S ON-THE-MONEY MORE THAN I'D admit

GOOD LUCK

MACKIE

Last edited by Mackie H.; 03/01/12 05:02 PM.
#948193 - 03/01/12 10:15 PM Re: That's My Mom--Demo--Marc Barnette/Roger Sosnowski [Re: Mackie H.]  
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The song is still good but the target audience is ??? I absolutely think the last version that had a faster tempo would appeal to a younger audience then this one would. To me this one seems like the one for the moms to listen too and hope that their daughters feel this way!!!

Ricky

#948223 - 03/02/12 03:52 AM Re: That's My Mom--Demo--Marc Barnette/Roger Sosnowski [Re: Ricky Layne]  
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HiDee Ski & Marc...Pretty Good CoWrite, Amigos!

I'd prolly like it more with maybe One-Couplet-Less in each Verse...they seem Long..and so does the Chorus, which gets-away-with-it because it's So-Loveable.

Good Demo..Hats-Off to the Band/Gal Singer sounded sincere too.

Good Luck with a Good'n' Gents!

Best Wishes & Big Guys Hugs too,
Stan

#948241 - 03/02/12 09:55 AM Re: That's My Mom--Demo--Marc Barnette/Roger Sosnowski [Re: "Tampa Stan" Good (D)]  
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How about posting both version and see what people think? They've probably forgotten the first version I did w/Ricky and Tammy...

Zeek

#948255 - 03/02/12 11:39 AM Re: That's My Mom--Demo--Marc Barnette/Roger Sosnowski [Re: RogerS]  
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Roger, I'll focus just on the lyrics. One main observation plus a small one. KOS, of course. wink

Donna

Thatís My Mom
@2011 Marc BArnette/Roger Sosnowski

Verse 1

Sheís a bonafide,certified,super hero
In a flash each morning, goes to sixty from zero
A voice like thunder when she says get out of bed
Pulls together a breakfast from nothing in the fridge
Dresses three people never misses a beat
Her Prada business suit turns everyoneís heads This line was a stumbling block for me, since that wonderful line 4 sets the scene up for being one where the family is maybe living hand to mouth, but there's this fantastic hardworking mom who manages to hold things together. Hence, sudden mention of Prada suit introduces a totally different element and wrenches me right out of the 'feel' of first part of the lyrical story. At this point, I began to simply not care much about what happens in the rest. Would you consider re-thinking these last 3 lines? Even just changing line 6 & 7. Just a thought. wink An empty fridge doesn't collate with the image of a woman who can afford a Prada suit.
At her office they depend on her
Could never pay her what she deserves

I'm with Stan re the couplets. The verses go on too long (for me), and kind of peter out at the end. Feels like too many details being crammed in.

Chorus

Thatís my mom
Where I come from
Iíll probably be just like her with my own kids
Sheís right more times than I like to admit
Sometimes we fight
But most times sheís the bomb
Thatís my mom

Verse 2

Itís kind of tiring when all you hear
Is you two could be, twin sisters
One part mother, two parts therapist
When guys come around and want a ride
Itís her they always want to sit beside
You ask how long youíve gotta put up with this
when my first real love Billy broke my heart Lines 7 & 8 could be dropped and take nothing away from what's gone before. Or you could replace other lines with lines 7 & 8.
She was there to hold me in her arms

Chorus

Thatís my mom
Where I come from
Iíll probably be just like her with my own kids
Sheís right more times than I like to admit
Sometimes we fight
But most times sheís the bomb
Thatís my mom

Bridge
I look at her, and I see me
I hope that apple doesnít fall too far from the tree

Chorus
Thatís my mom
Where I come from
Iíll probably be just like her with my own kids
Sheís right more times than I like to admit
Sometimes we fight
But most times sheís the bomb
Ohh thatís my mom
Thatís my mom
[/quote]


Honour the Earth. Without it, we'd be nowhere.

Life is too important to take seriously.

http://www.reverbnation.com/donnamarilynrichblend




#948272 - 03/02/12 01:28 PM Re: That's My Mom--Demo--Marc Barnette/Roger Sosnowski [Re: Zeek]  
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Roger,

I second Zeeks proposal more out of curiosity than anything else. Obviously we would be a little biased!!!

Ricky

#948276 - 03/02/12 02:07 PM Re: That's My Mom--Demo--Marc Barnette/Roger Sosnowski [Re: RogerS]  
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Hi Roger

This is a sweet song and I really like the chorus. Arrangement is fine.

The problem I have is how old the voice is (or supposed to be). The ďThatís My MomĒ chorus would work great for a kid but then some of the verse words are too grown up e.g. bonafide,certified, therapist etcĖ so that would put the voice as an adult yet in the first verse thereís stuff about ĎDresses three peopleí which implies the family (possibly the voice) is very young. So I think itís a very nice song but a have a little doubt about the plausibility of the voice.

Nige

#948316 - 03/02/12 09:55 PM Re: That's My Mom--Demo--Marc Barnette/Roger Sosnowski [Re: Nigel Quin]  
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Hi Zeek,

Here's what happened. After your version of the song I went back to MArc and wanted to do the next level up demo. I mentioned that I liked your version--at least the guitar parts, better. marc insisted that we go with his "vision" for a demo. I went along with it because his name is on the song anyways. That being said--I think this is a bit slower than I wanted. I mentioned that to Marc and he did cut a faster version --but the quality of the demo was a lot worse so I kept this version. My feeling is if any artist wanted to take the song on they could always speed it up or change it as they saw fit. If it's any consolation I did like your version better. Marc is a well established veteran in the Nashville scene--so I chose not to try and go against what he was suggesting. Thanks for your input. Take care
Roger

P.S. I did add the link for the faster version--it's directly under the original link.


Roger Sosnowski
The happiest people in life are those involved in music
#948394 - 03/03/12 12:54 PM Re: That's My Mom--Demo--Marc Barnette/Roger Sosnowski [Re: RogerS]  
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The keyboard sound didn't work for me but I think the mix was better.
The vocalist seemed to stumble over some of the lyric in the faster version and the vocal seemed detached. Maybe needed the same reverb that the instruments had or something like that.
So I suppose I preferred the faster version instrumental wise but the vocal on the slower version sat better.
Vic

Last edited by Vicarn; 03/03/12 03:02 PM.

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#948395 - 03/03/12 01:06 PM Re: That's My Mom--Demo--Marc Barnette/Roger Sosnowski [Re: RogerS]  
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Hi Roger,

I'm not trying to bust anyones bubble here but just the lyric alone calls for it to be faster (in my opinion). You know super mom running around fast, fast.

I'm not sold on "prada" and her going to the office because this is about MOM what all mom does so to me mom means what all she does at home so I think that part needs to be changed. smile

It is a very good song! smile

Dottie

#948405 - 03/03/12 02:24 PM Re: That's My Mom--Demo--Marc Barnette/Roger Sosnowski [Re: Dottie]  
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IMO Marc's demo presents the song better, but it's got a few rough parts... The tune needs to be pitched a few steps lower for this singer.. she's really struggling in spots.

I like the original melody for "I come from". I appreciate the exact melodic mirror in the new version, but I think it may be too simplistic... (Can't believe I said that - I'm always telling folks to do exactly what you've done! - the original melody just seems more musical in this case).

As a piano player, I notice there's a pretty good piano hook... but it's buried. Bumping the volume of the piano where it plays the instrumental hook might add interest.

I dunno about 'she's the bomb'. I work with a lot of 20 somethings and I never hear them say that anymore.

Nevertheless, I understand why you've invested in this tune. It's really strong. Very nice tune and very heartwarming.

Peace,

Ian


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#948414 - 03/03/12 03:36 PM Re: That's My Mom--Demo--Marc Barnette/Roger Sosnowski [Re: Ian Ferrin]  
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Hi Nelson,

Thanks for giving this one a listen. Glad you liked it. Looks like I have a lot of feedback to leave. Will have more time later this weekend,lol Take care,
Roger

Last edited by RogerS; 03/03/12 03:36 PM.

Roger Sosnowski
The happiest people in life are those involved in music
#948416 - 03/03/12 03:40 PM Re: That's My Mom--Demo--Marc Barnette/Roger Sosnowski [Re: RogerS]  
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Hi Tammy,
thanks for giving this a listen and for your honest comments. To tell you the truth I agree with your comments about it being faster. I went with a judgement call from MArc Barnette--I figured he is on the scene and has been for 30 years--so he made the call on tempo and the keyboard sound. not sure I would have gone with either but it's all set and done for now. I suppose an artist if they wanted to do the song could always speed it up as they see fit. I was wanting to get something pitchable-at least quality wise speaking--and I think we accomplished that. time will tell. Thanks and take care,
Roger


Roger Sosnowski
The happiest people in life are those involved in music
#948430 - 03/03/12 04:52 PM Re: That's My Mom--Demo--Marc Barnette/Roger Sosnowski [Re: RogerS]  
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Hi Roger-

Really like the ideas. Great Mother's Day song.

I've heard the song and read the comments.
I agree with making a few lyrical changes.
Also, removing any extraneous words which are
impeding the flow of the lyric in places.

I love the piano and organ.
Real nice chord changes- pro composing.
The melody and lyric SOAR in the choruses...
This build up really makes the tune memorable,
and is always recommended if one is trying to write a HIT song.

~C~

#948452 - 03/03/12 07:49 PM Re: That's My Mom--Demo--Marc Barnette/Roger Sosnowski [Re: Cal]  
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Roger, thank you, that was kind of you to post a link to the faster version.

I would like to make it known that I was used as a place-holder in this song and to give the idea of what a softer voice (possibly more youthful sounding) would sound like, I am not a professional singer or even a very good singer, this was done to allow Zeek to present his melody idea which I personally really liked, so don't worry about comparing vocals, this is about the melody and it was very kind of Roger to include both versions.

Dottie girl, I love you, but I grew up with a hard working mom and my best friend is a business woman who is a fab mom, and I think girls admire thier mom's for what they do and are inspired by them, there are all kinds of moms....just my opinion...

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#948469 - 03/03/12 10:39 PM Re: That's My Mom--Demo--Marc Barnette/Roger Sosnowski [Re: TamsNumber4]  
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nightengale Offline
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Eugene, Or USA
Hi Roger,

Great song!

I have to go with that upbeat version and those strong vocals seeem to me to be more in tune with todays market.

The slower music sounds real nice, the singer resembles Reba(that's awesome) and the slower versions seems it would appeal to country listeners, but not so much to what todays generation wants to hear.

Great song though, both versions. I'm just partial to the other one!

Geneva

#948556 - 03/04/12 04:33 PM Re: That's My Mom--Demo--Marc Barnette/Roger Sosnowski [Re: nightengale]  
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RogerS Offline
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RogerS  Offline
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Dearborn, Mi
Hi Mackie,

Thanks for giving this one a listen. Good suggestions on the instruments--unfortunately I ran out of money and had to settle for a level 2 demo--one step below the real deal,lol. Glad you liked it for the most part. take care,
Roger


Roger Sosnowski
The happiest people in life are those involved in music
#948557 - 03/04/12 04:37 PM Re: That's My Mom--Demo--Marc Barnette/Roger Sosnowski [Re: RogerS]  
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RogerS Offline
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RogerS  Offline
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Dearborn, Mi
Hi Ricky,

Thanks for weighing in on this one. I tend to agree with you about the faster tempo being more modern and for a younger artists. After talking it over with Marc --he said he went with the slower tempo because if you are pitching to young artists the faster the tempo the harder it is for them to enunciate the words correctly. I guess this comes in to play more for younger artists--I'm just the messenger on this one but that was the reasoning behind the slower tempo. Take care,
Roger


Roger Sosnowski
The happiest people in life are those involved in music
#948579 - 03/04/12 09:17 PM Re: That's My Mom--Demo--Marc Barnette/Roger Sosnowski [Re: RogerS]  
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Cal Offline
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Cal  Offline
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Allen Park, MI
Hi Folks-
I just listened to the fast version.
Seems to grab on to me and stay with me more than the slow version. Its negligible to me what audience, which version would appeal to the most, but the faster version in my humble opinion would reach a wider audience best. One thing that both songs are missing is;

The beat/rhythm is the same in both the verses and the choruses....
Lacks a dynamical change between parts.
(Don't confuse this rhythm change with with the the song speed/tempo).

Refering to the slow version:
Its hard hearing the bass parts clearly but, one could use whole notes on the bass part in the 1st verse, and half notes for the bass part in the 1st chorus. One could also use 8th notes in a gt riff and on the high hat for the 1st chorus.

Then, in the 2nd verse use half notes on the bass part; quarter notes bass part 2nd chorus. You can add 16ths on the high hats in the last chorus...

Any way one chooses, use a different beat/rhythm in the verses from the choruses. If you want to get tricky, use a different time signature from verse to chorus, even a 3rd in the bridge.

Go to my soundclick site and listen to the bass, and piano parts, and snare accents in the verses, and then the rhythm changes of those instuments in the choruses. Also the added piano accents in the last verse in;
THAT OLD HILLBILLY SONG. One can feel the dynamics.
Simple tool but almost mandatory in writing a HIT song.

BTW-
Quote

After talking it over with Marc --he said he went with the slower tempo because if you are pitching to young artists the faster the tempo the harder it is for them to enunciate the words correctly.

I feel it doesn't matter what age group sings the song;
if one can sing and if the lyric fits the melody,(the music)
the words should flow effortlessly.

~C~

#948641 - 03/05/12 11:19 AM Re: That's My Mom--Demo--Marc Barnette/Roger Sosnowski [Re: Cal]  
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MFB III Offline
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ohio
I have always been fond of Mom songs and you both have penned a good one. the true apron string was our umbilical cord, and when it was cut, we were left with a reminder of where we came from, a button sewn with love on our bellies. I enjoyed this one~~~MFB III

#948824 - 03/06/12 12:22 PM Re: That's My Mom--Demo--Marc Barnette/Roger Sosnowski [Re: MFB III]  
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RogerS Offline
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RogerS  Offline
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Dearborn, Mi
Howdy Stan,

Thanks for checkin this one out. Glad you liked it for the most part. I wanted to write a song that put mom's on a pedestal --and the idea came from a conversation I overheard in a restaurant. Take care,
Roger


Roger Sosnowski
The happiest people in life are those involved in music
#949144 - 03/08/12 10:56 AM Re: That's My Mom--Demo--Marc Barnette/Roger Sosnowski [Re: RogerS]  
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RogerS Offline
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Hi There Zeek,

Both versions are up for comparison. Take care,
Roger


Roger Sosnowski
The happiest people in life are those involved in music
#949147 - 03/08/12 11:05 AM Re: That's My Mom--Demo--Marc Barnette/Roger Sosnowski [Re: RogerS]  
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RogerS Offline
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Dearborn, Mi
Hi Donna,


Thanks for taking your time to go through this one. I do appreciate it. The thing about the empty fridge--is not so much about them being poor as it is about them being on the go. here's an example. My daughter is a very successful teacher for children that are cognitively impaired. Her and her husband and daughter are lways on th ego and mostly order in meals or go out. So their fridge is pretty empty. So the prada suit--office scene--fridge-is all about a modern day mom, bringing ho,e the bacon and being on the go. The lines about her being there the first time her daughter heart was broken--was to show that even though the mother is caught up in a modern day busy life style--she still puts her daughter first and is there when she needs her.

As far as re-writing--I'm pretty much out fo money on this one, and a re-write would mean another demo--which I can't swing unfortunately. Not sure MArc would go for it anyways,lol. If it was just up to me and I could redo the music--I would consider it. Thanks again for all your suggestions. Take care,
Roger


Roger Sosnowski
The happiest people in life are those involved in music

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