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Here's a level 2 Demo for the long distance co-write between MArc Barnette and me. Any and all comments are welcome http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=1103122&songID=11472530This second link was for a previous faster version as requested http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=1103122&songID=11233255That’s My Mom @2011 Marc BArnette/Roger Sosnowski Verse 1 She’s a bonafide,certified,super hero In a flash each morning, goes to sixty from zero A voice like thunder when she says get out of bed Pulls together a breakfast from nothing in the fridge Dresses three people never misses a beat Her Prada business suit turns everyone’s heads At her office they depend on her Could never pay her what she deserves Chorus That’s my mom Where I come from I’ll probably be just like her with my own kids She’s right more times than I like to admit Sometimes we fight But most times she’s the bomb That’s my mom Verse 2 It’s kind of tiring when all you hear Is you two could be, twin sisters One part mother, two parts therapist When guys come around and want a ride It’s her they always want to sit beside You ask how long you’ve gotta put up with this when my first real love Billy broke my heart She was there to hold me in her arms Chorus That’s my mom Where I come from I’ll probably be just like her with my own kids She’s right more times than I like to admit Sometimes we fight But most times she’s the bomb That’s my mom Bridge I look at her, and I see me I hope that apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree Chorus That’s my mom Where I come from I’ll probably be just like her with my own kids She’s right more times than I like to admit Sometimes we fight But most times she’s the bomb Ohh that’s my mom That’s my mom
Last edited by RogerS; 03/02/12 07:44 PM.
Roger Sosnowski The happiest people in life are those involved in music
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Hey Marc and Roger, Love the demo the singer and most of the lyrics.
One spot could be improved, IMO:
It’s kind of tiring when all you hear Is you two could be, twin sisters
Rhyming hear with sisters is a long stretch, even for a near rhyme.
“I usually start with a title or maybe a little rhyme or phrase.” - Harlan Howard
Co-writing = Compromise!
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A lot different than my version for sure. It works...feels a little more old style country than modern, even at this meter. I think my version had more oomph and was more relevant to today's country market.
Not sour grapes Rog, although Marc's lack of ANY acknowledgement, good or bad, on my version left me a bit cold. Good luck with it.
Zeek
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I think it's a rocking tune.
I like the sentiment.
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Roger,
I can't understand why this melody got slowed down. When you look at the very first verse, there are words in there that almost lead me to the song "9 to 5" (just my opinion)
Words and phrases like:
Super Hero flash sixty to zero thunder pulls together turns everybody's head depend
All more action and excitement words when you look at them as a whole, so I am not convinced this should drag.
The melody in the chorus now has the two middle lines being sung exactly the same which stagnates the chorus and it just doesn't flow for my ears.
"I’ll probably be just like her with my own kids" "She’s right more times than I like to admit"
Changing the line "never misses a beat" to "simultaneously" makes sense, a little tricky, but it doesn't get pulled off by the singer.
The keyboard sound at the intro is not pleasing to my ears, just my own personal opinion.
I think aiming this song to a younger crowd sort of suited the lyric (as I understand it), but every song means something different to each person, that is just my opinion based on your words.
It is a very nice write for sure Roger.
Tammy
Last edited by TamsNumber4; 02/29/12 07:13 PM.
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Hi Shayne,
Thanks for giving this one a listen. Glad you liked it for the most part. Those rhymes are stretching it a bit I admit but still sounded kinda cool we thought. Take care, Roger
Roger Sosnowski The happiest people in life are those involved in music
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YOUALL--
HAS A GOOD TEMPO--KINDA OLD SCHOOL--IT NEEDS A KICK ASS TELE AND SASSY DRUMS WITH A WALKIN ALL OVER MR BASS--TO KEEP UP WITH HER--SOUNDS LIKE A BARBARA MANDRELL SONG--
CH I'D TRY: I’ll probably be just like her with my own kids FIND SHE'S ON-THE-MONEY MORE THAN I'D admit
GOOD LUCK
MACKIE
Last edited by Mackie H.; 03/01/12 06:02 PM.
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The song is still good but the target audience is ??? I absolutely think the last version that had a faster tempo would appeal to a younger audience then this one would. To me this one seems like the one for the moms to listen too and hope that their daughters feel this way!!!
Ricky
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HiDee Ski & Marc...Pretty Good CoWrite, Amigos!
I'd prolly like it more with maybe One-Couplet-Less in each Verse...they seem Long..and so does the Chorus, which gets-away-with-it because it's So-Loveable.
Good Demo..Hats-Off to the Band/Gal Singer sounded sincere too.
Good Luck with a Good'n' Gents!
Best Wishes & Big Guys Hugs too, Stan
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How about posting both version and see what people think? They've probably forgotten the first version I did w/Ricky and Tammy...
Zeek
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Roger, I'll focus just on the lyrics. One main observation plus a small one. KOS, of course. Donna That’s My Mom @2011 Marc BArnette/Roger Sosnowski Verse 1 She’s a bonafide,certified,super hero In a flash each morning, goes to sixty from zero A voice like thunder when she says get out of bed Pulls together a breakfast from nothing in the fridge Dresses three people never misses a beat Her Prada business suit turns everyone’s heads This line was a stumbling block for me, since that wonderful line 4 sets the scene up for being one where the family is maybe living hand to mouth, but there's this fantastic hardworking mom who manages to hold things together. Hence, sudden mention of Prada suit introduces a totally different element and wrenches me right out of the 'feel' of first part of the lyrical story. At this point, I began to simply not care much about what happens in the rest. Would you consider re-thinking these last 3 lines? Even just changing line 6 & 7. Just a thought. An empty fridge doesn't collate with the image of a woman who can afford a Prada suit.At her office they depend on her Could never pay her what she deserves I'm with Stan re the couplets. The verses go on too long (for me), and kind of peter out at the end. Feels like too many details being crammed in.Chorus That’s my mom Where I come from I’ll probably be just like her with my own kids She’s right more times than I like to admit Sometimes we fight But most times she’s the bomb That’s my mom Verse 2 It’s kind of tiring when all you hear Is you two could be, twin sisters One part mother, two parts therapist When guys come around and want a ride It’s her they always want to sit beside You ask how long you’ve gotta put up with this when my first real love Billy broke my heart Lines 7 & 8 could be dropped and take nothing away from what's gone before. Or you could replace other lines with lines 7 & 8.She was there to hold me in her arms Chorus That’s my mom Where I come from I’ll probably be just like her with my own kids She’s right more times than I like to admit Sometimes we fight But most times she’s the bomb That’s my mom Bridge I look at her, and I see me I hope that apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree Chorus That’s my mom Where I come from I’ll probably be just like her with my own kids She’s right more times than I like to admit Sometimes we fight But most times she’s the bomb Ohh that’s my mom That’s my mom [/quote]
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Roger,
I second Zeeks proposal more out of curiosity than anything else. Obviously we would be a little biased!!!
Ricky
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Hi Roger
This is a sweet song and I really like the chorus. Arrangement is fine.
The problem I have is how old the voice is (or supposed to be). The “That’s My Mom” chorus would work great for a kid but then some of the verse words are too grown up e.g. bonafide,certified, therapist etc– so that would put the voice as an adult yet in the first verse there’s stuff about ‘Dresses three people’ which implies the family (possibly the voice) is very young. So I think it’s a very nice song but a have a little doubt about the plausibility of the voice.
Nige
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Hi Zeek,
Here's what happened. After your version of the song I went back to MArc and wanted to do the next level up demo. I mentioned that I liked your version--at least the guitar parts, better. marc insisted that we go with his "vision" for a demo. I went along with it because his name is on the song anyways. That being said--I think this is a bit slower than I wanted. I mentioned that to Marc and he did cut a faster version --but the quality of the demo was a lot worse so I kept this version. My feeling is if any artist wanted to take the song on they could always speed it up or change it as they saw fit. If it's any consolation I did like your version better. Marc is a well established veteran in the Nashville scene--so I chose not to try and go against what he was suggesting. Thanks for your input. Take care Roger
P.S. I did add the link for the faster version--it's directly under the original link.
Roger Sosnowski The happiest people in life are those involved in music
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The keyboard sound didn't work for me but I think the mix was better. The vocalist seemed to stumble over some of the lyric in the faster version and the vocal seemed detached. Maybe needed the same reverb that the instruments had or something like that. So I suppose I preferred the faster version instrumental wise but the vocal on the slower version sat better. Vic
Last edited by Vicarn; 03/03/12 04:02 PM.
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Hi Roger, I'm not trying to bust anyones bubble here but just the lyric alone calls for it to be faster (in my opinion). You know super mom running around fast, fast. I'm not sold on "prada" and her going to the office because this is about MOM what all mom does so to me mom means what all she does at home so I think that part needs to be changed. It is a very good song! Dottie
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IMO Marc's demo presents the song better, but it's got a few rough parts... The tune needs to be pitched a few steps lower for this singer.. she's really struggling in spots.
I like the original melody for "I come from". I appreciate the exact melodic mirror in the new version, but I think it may be too simplistic... (Can't believe I said that - I'm always telling folks to do exactly what you've done! - the original melody just seems more musical in this case).
As a piano player, I notice there's a pretty good piano hook... but it's buried. Bumping the volume of the piano where it plays the instrumental hook might add interest.
I dunno about 'she's the bomb'. I work with a lot of 20 somethings and I never hear them say that anymore.
Nevertheless, I understand why you've invested in this tune. It's really strong. Very nice tune and very heartwarming.
Peace,
Ian
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Hi Nelson,
Thanks for giving this one a listen. Glad you liked it. Looks like I have a lot of feedback to leave. Will have more time later this weekend,lol Take care, Roger
Last edited by RogerS; 03/03/12 04:36 PM.
Roger Sosnowski The happiest people in life are those involved in music
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Hi Tammy, thanks for giving this a listen and for your honest comments. To tell you the truth I agree with your comments about it being faster. I went with a judgement call from MArc Barnette--I figured he is on the scene and has been for 30 years--so he made the call on tempo and the keyboard sound. not sure I would have gone with either but it's all set and done for now. I suppose an artist if they wanted to do the song could always speed it up as they see fit. I was wanting to get something pitchable-at least quality wise speaking--and I think we accomplished that. time will tell. Thanks and take care, Roger
Roger Sosnowski The happiest people in life are those involved in music
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Hi Roger-
Really like the ideas. Great Mother's Day song.
I've heard the song and read the comments. I agree with making a few lyrical changes. Also, removing any extraneous words which are impeding the flow of the lyric in places.
I love the piano and organ. Real nice chord changes- pro composing. The melody and lyric SOAR in the choruses... This build up really makes the tune memorable, and is always recommended if one is trying to write a HIT song.
~C~
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Roger, thank you, that was kind of you to post a link to the faster version.
I would like to make it known that I was used as a place-holder in this song and to give the idea of what a softer voice (possibly more youthful sounding) would sound like, I am not a professional singer or even a very good singer, this was done to allow Zeek to present his melody idea which I personally really liked, so don't worry about comparing vocals, this is about the melody and it was very kind of Roger to include both versions.
Dottie girl, I love you, but I grew up with a hard working mom and my best friend is a business woman who is a fab mom, and I think girls admire thier mom's for what they do and are inspired by them, there are all kinds of moms....just my opinion...
Tammy
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Hi Roger,
Great song!
I have to go with that upbeat version and those strong vocals seeem to me to be more in tune with todays market.
The slower music sounds real nice, the singer resembles Reba(that's awesome) and the slower versions seems it would appeal to country listeners, but not so much to what todays generation wants to hear.
Great song though, both versions. I'm just partial to the other one!
Geneva
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Hi Mackie,
Thanks for giving this one a listen. Good suggestions on the instruments--unfortunately I ran out of money and had to settle for a level 2 demo--one step below the real deal,lol. Glad you liked it for the most part. take care, Roger
Roger Sosnowski The happiest people in life are those involved in music
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Hi Ricky,
Thanks for weighing in on this one. I tend to agree with you about the faster tempo being more modern and for a younger artists. After talking it over with Marc --he said he went with the slower tempo because if you are pitching to young artists the faster the tempo the harder it is for them to enunciate the words correctly. I guess this comes in to play more for younger artists--I'm just the messenger on this one but that was the reasoning behind the slower tempo. Take care, Roger
Roger Sosnowski The happiest people in life are those involved in music
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Hi Folks- I just listened to the fast version. Seems to grab on to me and stay with me more than the slow version. Its negligible to me what audience, which version would appeal to the most, but the faster version in my humble opinion would reach a wider audience best. One thing that both songs are missing is; The beat/rhythm is the same in both the verses and the choruses.... Lacks a dynamical change between parts. (Don't confuse this rhythm change with with the the song speed/tempo). Refering to the slow version: Its hard hearing the bass parts clearly but, one could use whole notes on the bass part in the 1st verse, and half notes for the bass part in the 1st chorus. One could also use 8th notes in a gt riff and on the high hat for the 1st chorus. Then, in the 2nd verse use half notes on the bass part; quarter notes bass part 2nd chorus. You can add 16ths on the high hats in the last chorus... Any way one chooses, use a different beat/rhythm in the verses from the choruses. If you want to get tricky, use a different time signature from verse to chorus, even a 3rd in the bridge. Go to my soundclick site and listen to the bass, and piano parts, and snare accents in the verses, and then the rhythm changes of those instuments in the choruses. Also the added piano accents in the last verse in; THAT OLD HILLBILLY SONG. One can feel the dynamics. Simple tool but almost mandatory in writing a HIT song. BTW- After talking it over with Marc --he said he went with the slower tempo because if you are pitching to young artists the faster the tempo the harder it is for them to enunciate the words correctly.
I feel it doesn't matter what age group sings the song; if one can sing and if the lyric fits the melody,(the music) the words should flow effortlessly.~C~
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I have always been fond of Mom songs and you both have penned a good one. the true apron string was our umbilical cord, and when it was cut, we were left with a reminder of where we came from, a button sewn with love on our bellies. I enjoyed this one~~~MFB III
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Howdy Stan,
Thanks for checkin this one out. Glad you liked it for the most part. I wanted to write a song that put mom's on a pedestal --and the idea came from a conversation I overheard in a restaurant. Take care, Roger
Roger Sosnowski The happiest people in life are those involved in music
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Hi There Zeek,
Both versions are up for comparison. Take care, Roger
Roger Sosnowski The happiest people in life are those involved in music
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Hi Donna,
Thanks for taking your time to go through this one. I do appreciate it. The thing about the empty fridge--is not so much about them being poor as it is about them being on the go. here's an example. My daughter is a very successful teacher for children that are cognitively impaired. Her and her husband and daughter are lways on th ego and mostly order in meals or go out. So their fridge is pretty empty. So the prada suit--office scene--fridge-is all about a modern day mom, bringing ho,e the bacon and being on the go. The lines about her being there the first time her daughter heart was broken--was to show that even though the mother is caught up in a modern day busy life style--she still puts her daughter first and is there when she needs her.
As far as re-writing--I'm pretty much out fo money on this one, and a re-write would mean another demo--which I can't swing unfortunately. Not sure MArc would go for it anyways,lol. If it was just up to me and I could redo the music--I would consider it. Thanks again for all your suggestions. Take care, Roger
Roger Sosnowski The happiest people in life are those involved in music
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