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Sad things happen to a girl like you by Samuel Joseph Harris

V1: I saw you cross your fingers as you flashed your big brown eyes
When he got the nerve to ask you for a dance
And even though he had the truest heart you ever knew
That lonesome cowboy never stood a chance

You made him believe you were the prize and a lucky man to win it
And then you shop around for someone else
You made him feel his life could not go on without you in it
Then you left him stranded on your trophy shelf

CHORUS:
Now your crying on my shoulder telling me how much it hurts
‘Cause he left you feeling lonely, sad and blue.
You’re asking me for my advice but all that I can say is
“Sad things happen to girls like you”

V2: I watched you in the mirror as you painted on your mask
I watched you spin your pretty little spell.
I watched him fall right for it and do every thing you ask
and I noticed just how hard it was he fell

Then I saw his disappointment when he finally saw the light
And realized just what a fool he’d been
As he drove off in the sunset the only thing he left behind
was the games you played that he could never win

CHORUS:
Now your crying on my shoulder telling me how much it hurts
‘Cause he left you feeling lonely, sad and blue.
You’re asking me for my advice but all that I can say is
“Sad things happen to girls like you”

TAG:
So don't pretend you were surprised when he looked you in the eyes
and told you that your game was finally through
Cause girl here is the honest truth: you got what you deserved
Sad things happen to a girl like you

Another good hook...nicely used, Samuel...!...Put together very well!! The only thing I'd suggest is IF your melody in the chorus is hard to separate from the verse...go back and take a look at how similarly they are set up. You write beautiful melodies...so this may not be a problem for you...but if any one of the lines becomes too close for ya to the verse melody...that will be the cause. & Is it was or were?.

Looks like this should flow beautifully....

best to you
Kaley

Hello Samuel. Found this one very tight and well thought out. Kaley brought up an interesting point, and it might be worth looking into it.

Besides that I have no "nits" from the north.

Hi Samuel,

I find this to be intriguing!

It's nicely written, of course, but I'm stuck, because I can't figure out who would be singing this -- a male or a female? I kept expecting some twist at the end where we'd find out that the singer is the guy whose heart was broken, or that it's a new love interest of the girl who is scared to be with her because of what she did to his best friend. Or, maybe this is the girl's girlfriend talking, but then I can't imagine a girl saying, "your pretty little spell" or "sad things happen to a girl like you." Girlfriends usually just listen to their friends, and if they do disapprove of behavior, I don't think it would be expressed like that -- but maybe that's just not how my girlfriends would react.

Very interesting one here!

Lisa

HiDee Bro Sam!

Mighty Tight Write, Amigo!

This FEELS Like a Guy-Sung Song...POV from a Former Victim, I'd Guess...

The onliest head-scratching line in there's the Mirror One...
IF Singer's observing from a Bar Setting, he'd have to invade the Ladies Room to see her primping-up. (Doubt she'd do it in front of the Mirror on barroom wall, IF she's as "Professional" a heart-breaker as is implied here.)

KILLER HOOK...Great Storyline (& don't us Guys wish it'd happen More-often...heh!) KUDOS & Good Luck with a Fine One!

Best Wishes & a Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

hey now,i'm liking this Sam.Really great lyric!

Hi, Samuel! You are always so helpful to me with my lyrics.. I hope I can return the favor a little here!

I like the idea in this one, and you certainly have some really great lines and rhymes.

I'll start with the tiny nits:

You made him believe you were the prize and a lucky man WOULD win it
And then you'D shop around for someone else
You made him feel his life could not go on without you in it
Then you left him stranded on your trophy shelf

Now, onto my bigger nit. It is JMO, and sort of philosophical I suppose, but it IS from a woman's perspective, so hopefully will be beneficial to you. I have been in the singer's place... I have been the one who stood in the shadows of an amazingly beautiful girl-friend who had men fall all over her. So much so, that I almost dreaded going out with her, because I never stood a chance of even being looked at. And she would play these sort of games with men, too. She was normally the one doing the "dumping" so, yes she boo-hoo'd on me when the occasional man would turn the tables, and I had a hard time feeling sorry for her. I never wished heart-break on her... but the line in your lyric I relate to the most is:

Cause girl here is the honest truth: you got what you deserved

AND the line in your lyric I think I relate to the least is (sorry):

“Sad things happen to girls like you”

Just an idea... maybe if you painted the man to be more spectacular (not just the average dime-a-dozen guy), then we could believe that "she" is really hurt by her own foolishness. As is, I could only believe that the only reason she feels hurt is more related to pride... and if she point-blank asked me for my honest advice/opinion, I wouldn't tell her I thought it was sad, unless I said, "Sad things happen BECAUSE of girls like you"... Hey, maybe that's it... I just typed myself into the hook that makes it work for me! Again, jmo, kos!!

--Jen

I also might tell her, if she asked for my honest advice:

You've got some growing up to do


--Jen

I like this a lot Joe, really well crafted lyric and a memorable hook and pay off.
Best of luck with it
Regards
Travis

I guess I should have said that this is a "girl friend" POV. It isn't meant to be sung by a guy. I don't think that would work. I hope it makes more sense knowing that.

I have three sisters and they are all a keen judges of character; so in my mind, I am thinking what Jean, Jacque or Judi might tell an associate if she knew that this woman was "playing" a guy. It is also my observation that some women are like this. I have know decent guys who are clueless about what some women are doing to them or saying about them. I also happen to believe that women are equally as violent as men- it is just that women are subtle in their wickedness. If you want a good example of what I am talking about, go see "The Help". There is a character in the movie played by director Ron Howard's daughter, Bryce Dallas Howard, who is down right mean spirited. But she smiles and smiles and is as soothing as ointment on the surface but is as abrasive as a sandpaper underneath. That is a good character study and is the kind of person I picture in this song- but I wrote the song before I saw the movie.

Just a note to Jen who did a pretty in depth analysis: If the hook is the weakest line, the lyric may be in big trouble! I'll have to think about that one. It wouldn't be the first time that I had to throw out the baby with the bath water.

I guess, just off the top of my head, if I were trying to justify the hook, it would be that there is more to the story that I hoped the listener would fill in. It would be something like: she played him; she hooked him; she took from him; he gave freely to her; she began to care about him; he figured her out; he left her; she regrets what she did because now she loves him, but it's too late- he's gone. It's sad but she did it.

Hi, Samuel! I've been meaning to make it back to this one!

IF the hook is the weakest line, and that is an "IF" in this case, then the lyric isn't in big trouble, because the hook is good. The way you explained it above makes perfect sense, and yes that did occur to me... so in order to make the hook great, maybe just a little tweaking in the rest of the lyric so that we can feel justified in feeling a bit sorry for her. Maybe just a little bit more somewhere in there for us to know that this time, she was more serious about this fella!

--Jen

Samuel,
The others have given great advice. What bothers me are the cliche's

crying on my shoulder
left you feeling lonely, sad and blue.
finally saw the light
realized just what a fool he’d been
drove off in the sunset
you got what you deserved

Try rewording these phrases and with the other advice, you could be on your way!

Hi Samuel

Loads of comments and advice with this one I see.

I hope that I don't confuse it more lol.

Good story in the making.

Initially I thought that if the title/hook could be made a tad smaller. for me would be better.
Its the word 'sad' that I'm not keen on. there are so many ways that the experience could be described that for me, the word 'sad' it too regimental.

'Things Happen To a Girl Like You'
or simply
'Always Happens To a Girl Like You'
or just, 'A Girl Like You'
if you see where I am going.

I also felt that the lines are real long and thought that a lot of trimming would benefit. IMO and I could be wrong.

God bless Roy and Helen

Sam,
I think you got a heck of a song here. Lisa had asked if it would be sang by male or female singer. i think this could be either. I see the importance of it being second person, but the singer must not want her... or is an ex. parent.(would a parent say something like that?) maybe a friend from AA or random person in the bar. it sang better than a lot songs i have heard. (though i think i would have thrown a "will" in to the bridge.

cheers
steve

Hi Samuel,

I see you have a lot of comments; I didn’t read them all (I scanned thru). I agree that it MAY need a little trimming but that really depends on the music. I like your hook and think you have some interesting lines that made the lyric very relatable.

Dottie

I hadn't really thought about this consciously but I see that the lyric was assembled from, as Shayne pointed out, cliches. I think you can assemble a song from a bunch of cliches just as you can do it from a normal vocabulary. "Word phrases" like "crying on my shoulder" or "drove off in the sunset" are taught in English as a second language because they convey an idea that a single word cannot. So I think I will defend the use of the word phrases.
But, what I think you all are picking up on that needs to be fixed is that the lyric doesn't create enough emotional connection to move anyone. I think it's because it takes a "third person observational" POV. The singer is not emotionally invested. That POV doesn't create much passion. I am trying to think of a song that takes this POV and still works: maybe Carley Simon's "Your so Vein". But at least the singer is "angry" and sarcastic. So we can feel passion in the vocal.

There- I analyzed my own problem! I think songs are meant to move people and this one doesn't. I think I see why. Not all ideas should become songs. Thanks everyone for your time and comments. Now I will find some defenseless lyric to beat up on. Watch out, now I'm really mad!