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This is an old one I wrote for my Mom, who I've been thinking about a lot lately. I don't think I ever posted it before ...

She Wasn't Dancing for the Boys
Copyright Richard Myers

Verse 1
First she was born, and the wind came to her room.
Gently rocked the cradle and she smiled.
Later she and the wind would go dancing in the tall grasses,
She in the cotton dresses of a child.
At night the stars would look like angels
Come to read the dreams from her pillow.
So she thought maybe God was the man in the moon
And he'd seen her dancing down by the willow.

Chorus
But when she looks back on it now
She wasn't dancing for the boys
When she looks back on it now
She wasn't dancing for the boys

Verse 2
Her summer dress was lace and camisole.
The wind caressed the sweat from her face.
And the stars all twirled and posed like suitors
Wooing her from outer space.
Even the band s would stop playing
To hear her bare feet whispering across the dance floor.
All the boys thought she'd come to make a choice
And soon he and she would waltz forever more.

Chorus
But when she looks back on it now
She wasnt dancing for the boys
When she looks back on it now
She wasn't dancing for the boys

Verse 3
Now the stars will follow her like children.
She smiles through the dark so they won't feel alone.
And all the stages and the photos and the dance floors
Feel like someone else's memories in her home.
All the men she loved have died, the sons she raised are mostly gone.
But in the morning she takes her brittle bones and the wind out
For a slow pas de deux across the lawn.

Chorus
Cause when she looks back on it now
She wasn't dancing for the boys
When she looks back on it now, she smiles.
She wasn't dancing for the boys

This is very pretty, a little wordy but very pretty.

I enjoyed it very much.

Very good Richard,
A lotta' good lines and some rather unique ideas.
A little wordy as Caroline noted.
The one really long line, unless you have a definite melody in mind I would see like so----
""XThe men she loved have died, the sons she raised are X gone
Ah, but it's personal--then you may not want' cut mostly
Good writing
Wy

Wow!

This is exactly the kind of thing i like... it is very poetic!

But, it's smooth.. it seems to have good rhythm and flow. I agree with Wy on that one long line... it just shortens it a syll or two but that seems to work nice.

that's a very deep sentiment... a nice title/hook. I feel somber, and earthy. I see no big "faults" other than the poetic images. I won't be the best critic because i like the poetic...

In particular, i am deeply in awe of the following lines:

The wind caressed the sweat from her face
- very visual, very interesting and different! Caressed is very sensual, sweat is very gritty and earthy...

To hear her bare feet whispering across the dance floor
- visual and sound images! this is sweet and original!

i can't speak to the ease of converting this to music, but i like the gentle imagery and vivid, poetic lines!

HiDee Brother Richard!

Real Sweet & Special!

I agree with the others who encourage ya to Prune some Words so it's smoother/easier-to-memorize.

Minor Ballet Point: a Pas De Deux (Literally "Steps of Two")..is a DUET move. Kinda requiring a Boy...

Good Luck with this one/Mom should be very proud!

Best Wishes & a Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

Hi all,

Thanks for taking a look. I have to finally master the mp3. This has a lot of words and reads awkwardly. But the music has a lot of space on either side of most of the words. Some of the lines, especially the longer ones, begin as pickups from the end of the phrases before. I kind of like a wordy, chock-a-block verse against the spare chorus. I will try to post a mp3.

Gordon,thanks for the kind words.The feet on the dance floor line was the favorie of the woman who was the muse for that verse. So it's a sentimental favorite of mine, too.

Stan. I always like your stuff so much, it's a real pleasure to hear from you. I was thinking of her dancing a pas de deux with the wind--she dances with the wind in all the verses. But if that's unclear, I'll take a look at it.

Also, I was wondering if the "stages, dance floors and photos" read OK. I was thinking of stages where she might have danced, but it could also be stages of her life.

Wyman, I have to keep "mostly gone." It's just a different idea than gone. And honestly it lays out OK. It sucks being a technophobe.

She Wasn't Dancing for the Boys
Copyright Richard Myers

Verse 1
First she was born, and the wind came to her room. (Why not "when" she was born?)
Gently rocked the cradle and she smiled.
Later she and the wind would go dancing danced in the tall grasses,
She in the cotton dresses of a child.
At night the stars would look like angels
Come to read the dreams from her pillow. (I am trying to put my head around this thought)
So she thought maybe God was the man in the moon
And he'd seen her dancing down by the willow.

Chorus
But when she looks back on it now
She wasn't dancing for the boys (you didn't say anything about the boys so this doesn't make sense [yet])
When she looks back on it now
She wasn't dancing for the boys

Verse 2
Her summer dress was lace and camisole. (not cotton so a new phase of life?)
The wind caressed the sweat from her face.
And the stars all twirled and posed like suitors (good line)
Wooing her from outer space. ("space' is good but "outer space breaks the spell for me- it then sounds like science fiction)
Even the bands would stop playing
To hear her bare feet whispering across the dance floor.
All the boys thought she'd come to make a choice (now the reference to the chorus is established)
And soon he and she would waltz forever more.

Chorus
But when she looks back on it now
She wasnt dancing for the boys
When she looks back on it now
She wasn't dancing for the boys

Verse 3
Now the stars will follow her like children. (to be consistent, what is she wearing now? It was cotton as a child, lace and camisole as a young lady)
She smiles through the dark so they won't feel alone.
And all the stages and the photos and the dance floors
Feel like someone else's memories in her home.
All the men she loved have died, the sons she raised are mostly gone.
But in the morning she takes her brittle bones and the wind out
For a slow pas de deux across the lawn.

Chorus
Cause when she looks back on it now
She wasn't dancing for the boys (reference to her own boys-good)
When she looks back on it now, she smiles.
She wasn't dancing for the boys

I like the idea and the imagery- it just needs to be consistent and logical- and somewhat simplified. It's a beautiful tribute to a mother. I lost mine in December and for the first time I was able to imagine her as she was before I was born- a youthful spirit full of life. Who is to say she isn't that now that she is gone? This is what we hope for.

Hi, Sam

My condolences on losing your mother. It's a tough thing, even when there' no doubting that it's time.
Still, I think you're right about now being able to understand her better as a person separate from myself. For example, she used to tell a story about how when she was about seven or eight she and my aunt would twist some salt into a napkin and ride their bikes over to a neighboring farmer's field in the heat of the afternoon and eat tomatoes.
It was the tail end of the Depression and her family was extremely poor. When the farmer, bless his heart, let them come have some tomatoes, it was a treat almost like being able to go out for ice-cream or something. Anyway, I like to think of her as being that little girl again somewhere, happy and full of tomatoes and life and expectations.
I'm writing a banjo instrumental about it called "Little Mary's Out in the Tomatoes," but it isn't good enough yet.

Anyway, on the song, I will try to post an mp3. The "first" in the first line for example, almost needs to be there. There's an introduction, and the words come in after a big accented rest. The wordiness just seems to work to me. I 've tried it several ways.

Also in the first verse, I was thinking of God and the Man in the Moon as being the "boy" or boys--she thought at the time that the Man in the Moon was God, and he was so impressed with her dancing that he sent angels to watch over her dreams.

I toyed around with not using outer space, but deferred to the woman whose bare-footed dancing inspired that verse. Maybe wooing her from out in space would work.

I honestly didn't even think to say what she was wearing as an old lady. I thought since she's now looking back (and there's an instrumental before the last vers) the memories and the dancing are the most important things. I'll give it some more consideration, though.

Thanks for the thoughtful critique, especially the what-was-she-wearing part.
Rich

Maybe if you said "boy in the moon" instead of "Man in the moon" you would have established the connection with the chorus in all three verses.

So many beautiful lines. A really lovely and moving tribute.

Just one thing: "camisole" isn't a material, it's a woman's sleeveless undergarment, usually made of satin, silk, nylon, or cotton. Hence, it seems odd to refer to the summer dress as being "lace and camisole". (Lace isn't a material either, but is made from various materials, e.g. cotton, silk, etc.)

Donna