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I haven’t posted anything for a while. This song is not my usual style, but sometimes you just have to write it.

The R-Word
(The song I didn’t want to write)
© 2011 Laura Gassaway

Verse 1
I know your tears. Although it’s been many years
Sometimes it feels like only yesterday.
A stray thought of him blows through my mind
Dragging me back to the fear and the pain.

Like you, I was young and naïve
Thought I understood what real love is.
Didn’t recognize the meaning of the words:
Aggressive, possessive, abusive, obsessive.

Chorus:
For years I forced it deep inside
But now it’s fighting to be heard.
The song I didn’t want to write…
I was… the r-word.

Verse 2
How many nights I cried myself to sleep
Wondering now who would ever want me?
But somewhere I slowly found myself again,
And somehow I found the strength to leave.

He said he’d changed: begged me to come back.
He even cried, but I screamed, “Never!”
And discovered the meaning of new words:
Kinder, wiser, fighter, survivor.

Chorus:
For years I forced it deep inside
But now it’s fighting to be heard.
The song I didn’t want to write…
I was… the r-word.

Bridge:
I’ve stood there in the dark and made it though.
Learned to trust myself and someone else
And so can you.

Chorus:
For years I forced it deep inside
But now it’s fighting to be heard.
The song I didn’t want to write…
I was… the r-word.

Tag:
This song I didn't want to write,
maybe I wrote it for you.

(If you haven't guessed, the r-word is raped.)

HiDee Mz Laura!

This IS Entertaining...but...I'm not sure IF I've well-enough guessed "The R-Word"... (I'm assuming it's "Return".)

But..maybe it's "Reconsider"...or downright "Rejection."

So..all art aside, maybe it oughta actually HAVE it in-there for dummies like me.

Otherwise, I gotta "Ruminate" a whole lot.

Like It...so don't get me wrong! Good Luck with it!
Best Wishes, Ol' Stan

I think you're missing it Stan.
A real strong hook Laura. One of the best I've seem lately
As well as difficult to write, it's dificult to critique also.
Probably a few meter problems between corresponding lines amd a few typos like here "Dragging my back , I assume you meant dragging ME back
In your first line "I know your tears. Although it’s been many years"--- I'm afraid they might miss who "your" is referring to, but right off, I didn't see how tomake it plainer.
I commend you for writing it. I'm not sure how much you want us to get into it
Wy

yeah,i like this write except i don't know the R word either,sure would like to know so i won't be left out on this one,sorry.

The "R" word is "retard".

http://therword.org/

Donna

Really? I never would have guessed it.

Same here. I had to google it. Lots of links and articles about it.

Donna

count me for not knowing too...i've written every R word i know and I came up with return, recycle, reject, redone, renew, ....etc....thanks Donna for clearing that up...

glyn

I didn't get it without knowing what the R word was ... and now that I know ... I still don't get it, sorry ... not compelling for me in any way

Hi Laura,

I'm a little confused in places, notes below.

Verse 1
I know your tears. Although it’s been many years I'm wondering who you is referring to since the 3rd line says him
Sometimes it feels like only yesterday.
A stray thought of him blows through my mind
Dragging me back to the fear and the pain.

The 1st verse is confusing, if I'm reading it correct there are 3 people involved? I, you, him?

Like you, I was young and naïve
Thought I understood what real love is.
Didn’t recognize the meaning of the words:
Aggressive, possessive, abusive, obsessive. I think this might be too much and difficult to sing

Chorus:
For years I forced it deep inside
But now it’s fighting to be heard.
The song I didn’t want to write…
I was… the r-word. I should probably know this, lol but I don't what what the r word is?

Verse 2
How many nights I cried myself to sleep
Wondering now who would ever want me? I feel like I'm missing an important part of the story
But somewhere I slowly found myself again,
And somehow I found the strength to leave.

He said he’d changed: begged me to come back.
He even cried, but I screamed, “Never!”
And discovered the meaning of new words:
Kinder, wiser, fighter, survivor.

Chorus:
For years I forced it deep inside
But now it’s fighting to be heard.
The song I didn’t want to write…
I was… the r-word.

Bridge:
I’ve stood there in the dark and made it though.
Learned to trust myself and someone else
And so can you.

Chorus:
For years I forced it deep inside
But now it’s fighting to be heard.
The song I didn’t want to write…
I was… the r-word.

Tag:
Maybe… I wrote this song for you

I think it's a good start but I feel like parts of the story are missing.

Dottie

Ok, to clear up the confustion the r-word is raped. I only alluded to it because its something that no one wants to talk about. (I was going for a Sylvia Plath feel where she can not quite say the word.) Its written from the point of view of someone who has been through it and telling someone else they'll survive too. (Going for a "Second Wind" by Billy Joel; giving hopeful advice to someone, so it wasn't just a "this happened to me and it stinks" downer song.)

Thank you forr all the comments. Its looks like I need to make it clearer.

Laura G.

Good that you cleared that up, Laura. Amazing that on Google, all the links referred to "retard".

That's why I was puzzled by words like abusive, obsessed, etc. They seemed a little strong to describe someone who'd referred to the singer as a "retard" (as I'd interpreted it). Now I can make the connection. You may need to re-think the title, though, when you revise the lyric.

Donna

I thought it must be rape partly on account of this line'
"Wondering now who would ever want me?" which is supposed to be ao was ,a common feeling among rape victims

I didn't even know about the R word usually referring to retard

In your first line, I took it that "your" was referring to and speaking to another woman who had been raped.
Yeah, probably needs some tightening up but well worth the effort--Stay on it
Wy

Thanks Wyman, I think you're the only one who got what I was talking about. Like any song, I'll need to do some rewrites.

Laura G.

okay,so i would have guessed,i think it was my first guess but i just didn't get it then either.

Hey Laura. this is a sensitive and very sad song about an experience no woman should ever have to go through, I applaud you
for tackling such a hard topic. ~~~MFB III -great song as well.
I may never forget the R-word now and that's a good thing. A true riddle of pain beyond many's understanding till they have lived it~

Hi Laura,

Correct me if I'm wrong, but from your verses, I felt deeper pain for the writer than a one time act of rape.

I felt like she was in a long term relationship and there was no forseeable way out for her she was very abused. She had to stick it out no matter what, maybe life or death in her mind, but the act of sex felt like getting raped!

On a lyric that is somewhat vague and left to the imagination, how we all draw from experiences, yet that draws us to the lyric!

The R word didn't get it for me, even after the explination at the end of the post. I had to put my little brain in motion!

Geneva

I suspect a song like this is either written as a cleansing for the writer or is designed to appeal to someone who has experienced something similar. For the rest of us, it is not something we want to hear about in a song when we listen to music for entertainment.

I agree with the others who did not get it until the explanation appeared. When your song is heard, you usually do not have the chance to present the backstory so it needs to stand on its own. You may not need the r-word in the lyric but somewhere you need to say "it was forced upon you" or similar so people can get what you are talking about.

Just my opinion!

Well,I agree with Colin in part-I think the song would be a "niche"
song--Maybe not mainstream but a definite place for it.

Right, on "You don't get a chance to explain." All that said, I still think your R word title is the strongest title. I wouldn't favor any outright explanation, just a hint they could hardly miss at the very last end of the song, which in effect is the twist or the "Ah Ha! moment.

Some stories need to be told even if it "jolts" a few people.
I encourage you to polish it the best you can and seek music for it if you don't do music yourself
Good luck with it
Wy

HI Again, Mz Laura!

OK..NOW it all makes perfect sense..WITH that little bitta Understanding WHAT the R-word is.

A very Sad Word it is, too! I'd have never guessed it, since I've never contemplated or participated in a rape.

But I think the Stats for the U.S. say "1-in-every-4 women have experienced it."...and..I think it's 1/3..maybe more..of gals-in-college have it happen to them.

So..this makes for QUITE a sizeable "Niche" for niche-marketing.

Glad to see the Healing in this lyric..& I think it Will do-so if it gets recorded & Out There. Wish ya much Luck, "Nicely-Done", & Big Hugs,
Stan

Thank you for all the replies. It took me a long time to write this song and a long time to decide to post it. I usually don’t like to write about depressing things, but I was thinking of Pat Bennetar’s “Hell is for Children” and thought maybe it could help someone some day.

Laura G.

ps, I changed the Tag.