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Hi,

I’ve been experimenting with the musical side of things with Band-in-a-Box and making some really cool accidental discoveries…lol….and it’d be very helpful to get some feedback on what I have thus far with this song-in-progress.

I’d like to know what you think about the lyric, the melody and style of music…please note ~ the vocal is ONLY there to give the real singer (and you) the idea of the melody…

My goal is to send the song out for various opportunities that I find down the line someday….sooooo give it to me straight!….lol….

All comments and suggestions are very much appreciated!

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=9619743

Images of Me
©2010 Kristi McKeever

My first born, a pretty girl
So much hope wrapped in your spiral curls
You’d play all day in our backyard
Then fly to Venus and onto Mars
You had that in you
You saw what you could do

My first son, a carefree guy
So much sky blue in your big wide eyes
You’d be okay just makin’ the grade
And still climb the stars in the Milky Way
You had that in you
You saw what you could do

[ch]
Well I look out and see
All these images of me
My children, my offspring
My heartstrings, always strumming
Take this life and give what’s right
Look in the mirror what do you see
Beyond these images of me

My youngest one, a quiet boy
So much charm behind your deepening voice
You’d take a hit to the knee or chin
Jump over the moon and start playin’ again
You had that in you
You saw what you could do

[ch]
Oh, I look out and see
All these images of me
My children, my offspring
My heartstrings, always strumming
Take this life and give what’s right
Look in the mirror what do you see
Beyond these images of me

[br]
And as your lives go on, so does a part of me
I hope you keep yourselves in good company (OR I hope you dare yourselves to do more than dream)
Draw the lines where you need to
And color the pages with all you do

[ch]
So when I look out I’ll see
All these images of me
My children, my offspring
My heartstrings, always strumming
Taking life and doing right
And thru the mirror you will be
Beyond these images of me

Hi Kristi

Wow pretty impressive for a gal that is learning a music program...... Well I'm tired -- so I'm not going to be able to give this several listens as it deserves until tomorrow -- so I'll be back - but I wanted to say that I listened .... and feel there's a lot of great stuff going on ....the verse melody really flows and well my first impression of the chorus is that it could be stronger --- the last part feels strong enough to stand on its own as a refrain -- maybe said twice....... and perhaps the verses could be 'A' sections and the rest of the chorus not below 'B' sections..... having a different musical treatment under them than the 'A' part.... not sure this is making sense.... but I'll come back !!

Look in the mirror what do you see
Beyond these images of me

Cool stuff here though !!! jm

Gawrsh, Mz Sunshine, that was Great Fun...hearing you singing One of Your Own..ABOUT Some of Your Own.

Cute, Quippy Images, & fun VERY Carly-Simonesque Vocals. ALL of which I Liked! (&..your Musication worked-well. Hats-Off for being Far-Braver than I!)

Sugs..but of course..that's what friends are for..heh!

1) I wouldn't "rush" singing "Images"...

2) "Take this life & DO what's right" KOS
3) I'd also sug "LIFE's Mirror"...rather'n "the mirror". KOS again.

This is truly a BEAUTIFUL "Mom's Song". (When you learn how to layer-in More Strings...it's gonna be a WINNER!)

CONGRATS & Good Luck with this..(It was Great Fun to hear ya sing!) (You're better at it than ya give yourself Credit For.)

Best Wishes & Big Congratulatory Hugs, M'LadyChum!
Stan

Hi Kristi

I still will listen some more -- but coming back this am - here's what I think can be done with the form that you have to make it stronger..... anyway I love the overall feel that you have musically -- its a very touching song. So Well done !!! keep fine tuning. jm

[ch]
Oh, I look out and THINK
these ARE images of me <<< don't rush the word images make the melody flow for your hook
My heartstrings, always strumming.......
Look in the mirror what do you see
Beyond these images of me

[br]
Take this life and give what's right
And as your lives go on, so does a part of me
I hope you keep yourselves in good company

HI :-)

Hey....I'm impressed too.
Your voice is SO fresh, & good work on the music program too.
Good for you to take a giant step forward.

Well I agree the word IMAGES needs to NOT be rushed at whatever the cost.
And....I think this line should say this...

My heartstrings, always strumming.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hey pretty cool band in a box you got there. Sub or somebody would have to give you tips on production.

Kristi,

I sung this song through to see how to fit it in and have the story come through more clearly, these suggestions would cut down on the rushing of lyrics as well.

I would consider taking the tempo down, I don't think it would hurt your melody and it would allow the story to be told.

I think the melody of the last two lines before the chorus in the verse should come up, I was able to change it easily and it gave the lift that you would need, so I'm sure it can be easily done.

I do like the lyric and I think you did a good job giving yourself music, heaven knows that is where I fail, so kudos.

Tammy

Hi Kristi:

Yes, very impressive what you have done using BIAB!

This is really well written and is very touching. Frankly I am tired of songs that are down on other people - I much prefer songs like this that celebrate others. And who better than your own children?

Agree on the rushed feel of images - maybe a better way to phrase it.

Also, I think the second line of the bridge needs some attention. You give us two choices but I might try to come up with a third - a line that carries the idea of the first line somehow into the third and fourth.

These are nits - it's a lovely song. And is nice to hear your voice

Scott

Hi Joice,

I’ll answer your first post first! Thank you so much for letting me know you listened and for the time you spend thinking about how to make this a good song!

It’s very helpful to know you think the melody in the verses fits the words….

I am pondering what you said about having a different musical treatment underneath …not sure which part? The chorus, probably, right? I can understand that. I find myself listening more closely to songs to see just what does lie beneath! My awareness of music is really opening up, I can tell you, from doing this.

Yeah, it's a work in progress, so little by little I hope to make this better!

Thanks Joice!

Kristi

Hi Stan,

Yep…that’s what I’m lookin’ for…suggestions…ideas…etc….weak areas...

I am noting what you say here about the rushing of the word “images”…and yeah....while writing, I purposely put in “GIVE what’s right” in the first two choruses to counter the “TAKE this life” (…may not be noticeable…lol…)…and then put the DO in the end…that was my thinking anyway!

Good suggestions as usual….ahhh, more strings…cool…I see.

Thanks for your very nice comments, Stan….I would not do the vocal if I could figure out a better way to show the melody but thanks for being so kind…

Kristi

Hi again Joice!

I can always count on you for such wonderful support! It means a lot to me, I want you to know that.

Good suggestions here….reading them over they give it a more literal meaning it seems….very interesting…and the bridge….okay…you know I will be taking these “back to the writing corner”…lol…and hammering it all out! I’m wondering about weak areas, so it always helps to see what resonates with others.

Thanks again, Joice…your thoughts are always an inspiration to me.

Kristi

Hey Calvin,

Well thanks for your words of encouragement! It’s fun to tinker with music…frustratingly fun..ha ha…(is that a word?) Anyway…yes…I am taking notes here….not to rush “images”...and your suggestion for the chorus line:

My heartstrings…strumming

The melody will probably change in the chorus, and that does sound nice like that, so I’ll see how it works into the melody…

Thank you, Calvin!

Kristi

Hi Louis,

Thanks for checking this out…yeah, BIAB is pretty cool….I’m becoming more aware of various kinds of instruments that I never realized existed…lol…and it beats me plunking away on my out of tune piano!

Kristi

Hi Tammy,

You’ve got some really good suggestions here. I can try slowing it down, yeah...I'll experiment with that and see how that affects the melody. Good idea!

I can also experiment with those last two lines in the verses that you mention coming up…yes, there are no lifts, so that makes sense…

Thanks for your encouraging words...it's fun to play around with it!

Kristi

Hi Scott,

Hey, thanks for the kind words. Yeah…some lyrics I write have more of my own real life truth in them than others…I’ll show it to them when it’s all done…they have no idea…lol

Yes…gonna see how to get “images” to flow…Someone I know also mentioned the second line of the bridge like that…I was thinking maybe something like…

And as your lives go on, so does a part of me
I hope you feel my love as you brave the galaxy
Draw the lines where you need to
And color the pages with all you do

I don’t know…pages and galaxy?….Ya know…there’s a LOT of words that rhyme with “me”…multi-syllable too…so I have no excuse here!

I appreciate you listening and offering your thoughts….! Thanks again, Scott!

Kristi

Hi Kristi

WAY TO GO GIRL, what a fantastic job you've done, a bet your feeling very proud of yourself hey, I love it.

My only nit would to be to slow it down a tad, other then that, I'll leave it up to the more experienced to give you anymore suggestions.

I'M IMPRESSED Kristi, congratulations on such a great effort.

Also we where going to work on "Call a Taxi" last week, but my producer got a call out for casting a film, so hopefully soon will start on it, I will let you know.

Hugs Michele

KRISTI!!!!!

GADZOOKS, YOU DID IT GIRL!! I am just seeing this now, and was so excited to listen. And yes, it was WORTH THE WAIT!

I'm so impressed with all you've done here. You've really taken the bull by the horns, and pursued this musical path with diligence and passion.

While everyone is of course talking about your musication (can you BELIEVE it?? )...I had to add that the lyrics are classic Kristi -- well-written, moving, and chock full of imagery. I loved how you played the story out to an almost inter-galactic level... Reminds me of the old "I love you to the Moon and back". In that sense, I think your line about the galaxy makes sense.

I do agree it should be slowed down a tad. But not yet a musicator myself, it's hard for me to give any specific suggs about what's supposed to be under, and that sort of thing.

But still, Kristi, I am SOOO proud of you. Not only for doing this, but for posting it. Two very brave steps on your musical journey.

Thanks for sharing...and I look forward to hearing it all put together. Sounds like some of the folks here already might be interested in helping you out .

Until then, take care!
Beth

OK, I'm jealous, I can't get BIAB to do anything...
teach me!!!(OK, so I haven't had much time to spend with it, but I did try one day...lol, seriously though, where is this part of the program?)

I love the "my heartstrings, always strumming" line...that is a great line!!

I love the lyric...I think you should go with the second choice for line 2 in the bridge.

As Tammy says, slow it down a little, relax when you sing it, and sing it through a couple times before you record it.

I think you've done a wonderful job, you've done what you'd set out to, get the melody across...very impressive!!!!

Hi Kristi! This was a fun song to listen to, and as a Mom I can relate - watching your kids grow up.... yeah it's an amazing process.

Reading through what's been said already - yes I would slow it just a notch... see what you can trim/tighten/leave out from the lyric and retain the meaning & best metaphors and that will allow you to slow the pace without running into 7 minutes

I tend to write either too many lyrics or too few. haha.

On "Images" --just draw out to half-notes more than the 1/8th notes you have now. The notes are good, just sing it slow... i- -i-i-i- ma - a- ges of me"

Voice: I *like* listening to your voice. You have nice tone there.

I'll tell you something people told me when I first sang on the boards here a long while back: more support and confidence is all you need. You are on pitch. BIG PLUS!

Pull your breath WAY DOWN low into your abdomen and hold it down there, let your diaphragm do the work. It sounds like you're singing with your upper/middle parts of your lungs-- and your nice tone will really resonate nicely when you get that breath down deeper.

I went to a vocal coach one time who said, "Wherever you put the air in your lungs, it DOES NOT MIGRATE!" LOL. Simple biology lesson: whichever of those lung - uh, pockets? (I'm not a doctor!) you fill up when you inhale - that's where it will come out from. So: fill from the bottom up.

And - I'm still learning to *remember* where to put the air myself. But in the learning process, I've figured out two things: when you're singing from the diaphragm, you should feel at the end like you've done situps. It's way down in those abs. And that the inhale will be SILENT. When you can hear the inhale, that's a chest-deep breath.

I really think you can do it, better than you *think* you can. It's a pretty voice!

That all said, I could easily picture Carly Simon's voice singing this too, and that sounded good in my head as well.

I love the line "my heartstrings, always strumming." That's going to stick. Very nice.

I'd be interested to hear it with more piano than guitar as long as you're playing with the software. :-)

Be confident! You can do this!

Linda

Hey Kristi,

Wish my first melody and recording sounded so good. Kudos to you for making this leap. I think you've done a nice job of pairing up the lyric to a melody. I do think the song sounds a bit rushed. I think it should be slowed down. You have a nice voice. As you sing more, it will give you confidence and you will get better each time. I've never been fond of my voice but I'm used to it now. Initally, I really hated listening to myself. It was kind of shocking as I recall. But I am trying to use whatever voice God gave me to expresss myself, so I tell myself not everyone is a Joan Baez or Barbara Steisand. Just keep at it! I also think you've received some really good suggestions here, so I will not add clutter by restating them.

Good job!

Hi Kristi , I really enjoyed the lyric and melody . To me it was an positive and upbeat experience .

Keep up the good work !!

All the best
Jan

Hey Michele!

Great to see you! Your enthusiasm hits me like a bolt of energy!

Thanks for your encouraging words! Yes, I’m playing around with the tempo to see what happens…

Good on “Call a Taxi!” Yeah, definitely let me know how that is coming along!

Thanks for stopping by and taking time to listen, Michele! I know how busy you are!

Cheers! my Aussie friend,
Kristi

Hiya Beth!



You bring such positive, uplifting energy to the room as well! What great enthusiasm you have and I soooo appreciate your support!

As far as BIAB…..well, making melodies is fun and my piano is out of tune, so that’s not an option (if I want anyone to listen to my songs, anyway. lol)

Great to hear your take on the lyric….so you think the new line in the bridge connects the thoughts better? So far, I’ve had a vote for all 3 options! LOL I am wondering about that “galactic” line….so it helps to hear your perspective….and you have such great insight, which I value greatly.

I’m experimenting with slowing it down…..I just go by ear… I want it to flow naturally… how it needs to…but it can be tricky! lol

Thanks for the boost, my friend…! It IS satisfying to see something creative come alive in this way!

Kristi

Hi Caroline,

Yes, all I wanted to do was get the melody across! Thanks for your very kind words…but alas, a real singer will be singing this in its final version!

Thanks also for letting me know the parts of the lyric you like…it’s so valuable to me to know, so ty ty ty.

Yeah, I hear ya……BIAB can be fun and really frustrating at the same time!….one little button can make ALL the difference! I didn’t delve into BIAB on my own. Mike Zaneski, from the boards here, introduced me to it and showed me how to compose….which makes the learning so much easier. Caroline, you can do it! This is the first song I’ve done on my own and I continue to explore (as we speak) and use the YouTube tutorials for help…try it!

You said: “Where is this part of the program?” Not sure what you mean, but what I do is, go into piano roll and plug in the single notes I want for the melody. It’s slow this way…but once it sounds like the melody in my head, I tell BIAB to make chords out of it.

It’s not always easy, but great when you get those “a-HA” moments and you can begin to hear what you’d like it to sound like. So keep at it, girl…!

Kristi

I'm so blonde when it comes to technological issues so I would think BIAB means Batteries Included Apple Butter! Good for you to learn and grow and experiment.

Lyrically I didn't really feel the last two lines of each verse were necessary and kind of felt like they were hanging out there somehow, so I'm not sure you really need them. This has a light/playful feel. Maybe for that bridge line "time will tell where your dreams lead". Maybe alittle just a little sloower.

Best,
Lynn

Hi Linda,

Hey, thanks for your words of wisdom and encouragement here!

It’s neat to hear the technique singers need to use to get the most out of their voice. I'm on pitch? Good to know! If I can at least get a melody across, I am happy…! There’s so many good singers out there! You’re very kind to say that about my voice…lol…and yeah…a little out of my comfort zone, to say the least! But I will try your tips, definitely… it's fascinating to hear how to sing properly...

Good to hear you liked the heart strings line….very helpful to hear what people think works…as I go about revising, editing, etc…

I just played with the instruments and substituted “acoustic piano” for the guitar and it sounded pretty good! Nice idea! I did notice the chords more though and how they don't change that much! I don’t know how people choose what to use, quite frankly…

Thanks again for your thoughts and for taking the time to explain some of the secrets behind singing!!

Kristi

Hi Wendy,

I’ve focused a lot on the lyrical aspect of songwriting, and so working with a musical program, I really appreciate all that goes into the musical side of things! So many choices (and little buttons to remember to press!) lol I guess it’s true with words too…and ideas…but somehow musical possibilities for any one song seem endless!

Yeah, it’s hard to listen to myself…lol…so I know what you mean! And there’s so many great singers, like yourself, out there too. But the song’s the thing…and it’s fun exploring all aspects of songwriting……and in the end, we have the song forever…that’s what I love about it…it didn’t exist before and now it does!

Anyway, thanks for listening and all your very encouraging words!

Kristi

Hi Jan,

Nice to meet you. Hey, thanks for listening to my song here…I’m glad you enjoyed both the lyric and melody…and found the song upbeat! That’s what I'm aiming for!

I really appreciate you taking the time to listen and offer your thoughts!

Kristi

Hi Lynn,

LOL....Hey…you probably don’t give yourself enough credit…anyone with such attention to detail as you, would be a natural behind the controls of a music program!

It’s funny you mention those last two lines of the verses. I almost took them out at one point wondering the same thing! Maybe they are really lifts and not verse lines at all? Or maybe I don’t need them? Other people have mentioned those lines as needing something and I have been thinking about them…and continue to think about them!

Your suggestion for the bridge line is noted as well, thank you! Yeah, that idea is right in there and I’d also like to see if I can connect “part of me” going with them out into the world and all the various things they’ll encounter…and yes, a tad slower might help things out...

Thanks for listening and offering your thoughts! Much appreciated!

Kristi

hey Kristi, This is a lovely song, with a great family theme, that applies and moves anyone with kids. And your voice is fine, it just needs to be a little louder against the music...and remember to annunciate your words. otherwise I enjoyed the Kristi McKeever Family album...song number one!!~~~MFB III

MFB,

Hey, thanks so much for your feedback!

I have yet to share this song with “me familia”…and I’m hoping this song does extend beyond them…I always appreciate the straight scoop….

Thanks for the annunciation alert…and yeah, I purposely set the volume at that level….lol…having never sung before, I just couldn’t take it! I do have someone in mind to sing it for REAL real…and want to polish this up some more musically and lyrically….so it’s great to hear how this resonates with you.

Thanks again for the listen!

Kristi