JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum Take Me To The Stars--(REVISED

With the boards getting into the usual summer slowdown. I guess I should post something to help keep 1 moving a little
Kind of a Love--Fantasy song. I tried to leave it so either gender could sing it, but I suppose some will think one and some the other.
See what y'all think
Wy

Take Me To The Stars c Wyman Griffith

I've waited so long for you to love me
But life kept getting in the way
We've been clearing a rocky road toward heaven
And we rolled the last boulder today

Take Me To The Stars
It isn't that far
Time and space have no meaning
With a love LIKE ours
We'll sail past the moon
In the blink of an eye
Take me up to the stars
When we lay down tonight

Earth will be but a dot in the distance
Star dustfalling 'round us like snow
We can write our own melody for loving
Hitting the high notes as we go

Take Me To The Stars
It isn't that far
Time and space have no meaning
With a love LIKE ours
We'll sail past the moon
In the blink of an eye
Take me up to the stars
When we lay down tonight

The years will flow by like a river
As we drift through the pages of time
We'll learn from the great lovers of his'try
We may not measure up but we'll try

B
The mind's a magic carpet when two souls unite
LIE down close beside me and we'll fly

Take Me To The Stars
It isn't that far
Time and space have no meaning
With a love LIKE ours
We'll sail past the moon
In the blink of an eye
Take me up to the stars
When we lay down tonight

Ohhh Wyman,

You have done it again. This is just beautiful writing. My gosh....simply beautiful. I don't know what else to say.

I love this.

You are truly a talent.

Kind wishes,
Gail

P.S.

I am sure I will be back.....several times.....to read this beauty.

Hi Gail,
Thanks for the words of praise. I thouht I mught have got a mite carried away with the first V and then followed by the C.
If you come back by, I'd be interested in which gender it'd be best suited for.'Course being able to be sung by either is usually the best of all worlds
I think it could stand a little tweaking here and there, but maybe I'll get some indicators as to where.
Thanks for coming by and looking it over
Wy

Hey again Wyman,

You know it is always great when we can pen a lyric that can be sung by either gender. I can hear this one sung by either also...but I think if I was going to demo it, I would say a male (with a rich, deep voice)! That would be fabulous!

As far as your concern about just one verse and then going into the chorus....I think this leads you straight into the hook faster....and I think that's a good thing. Publishers are always saying they like you to get to the hook as fast as you can...30-45 seconds is good. So....in my opinion I think you have done great here.

I truly don't think this really needs much, if any tweaking. I think you have done a great job. (I always hear a melody when I'm writing a lyric....so that helps me to adjust or "tweak" here or there). I did just notice...in your second verse, line 2, it needs to read..star dust WILL fall.

If I happen to think of or notice anything else, I'll let you know.

Gail

Hi again Gail,
What I was trying to say in my other response about the first V and C and said it poorly, is that, like in the first line in the song and a couple C lines, I might have got a little too "Flowery" or, for want of a better word, "mushy" for some guys to sing--maybe not.
As far as a melody, right. I couldn't write a lick without some kind of a melody in my head.
On the "stardust" line, that's one that didn't feel right. I had another possibility also if it doesn't get me in "tense" trouble
I'll stick in a possibility
Thanks for the return visit
Wy

I agree, this is a charming love song.
I've made a few minor tightening tweaks below. Keep or sweep, of course.

Donna

Take Me Up To The Stars c Wyman Griffith

I've been waiting waited so long for you to love me
But things(Life?) kept getting in the way
We've been clearing a rocky road toward heaven
And we rolled the last rock boulder today

Take Me Up To The Stars
It isn't that far
Time and space have no meaning
With a love such as like ours
We'll sail past the moon
In the blink of an eye
Take me up to the stars
When we lie down tonight

Earth will be but a dot in the distance
Star dust(fall around) us like snow (falling 'round)Yes
We can write our own melody for loving (Nice imagery)
Hitting the high notes as we go

Take Me Up To The Stars (same changes as in first chorus)
It isn't that far
Time and space have no meaning
With a love such as ours
We'll sail past the moon
In the blink of an eye
Take me up to the stars
When we lay down tonight

The years will flow by like a river
As we drift through the pages of time
We'll learn from the great lovers in his'try
We may not measure up but we'll try

B
The mind's a magic carpet when two souls unite
Lie down close beside me and we'll fly

Take Me Up To The Stars (same changes as first chorus)
It isn't that far
Time and space have no meaning
With a love such as ours
We'll sail past the moon
In the blink of an eye
Take me up to the stars
When we lay down tonight


[/quote]

Hey Donna,
Yep, I would readily adopt the first line change.
On the "Rolled-boulder" thing, with my love for alliteration, I don't know how I missed that. It would entail a little change in my head tune, but I'll take care of that.
I can do without "Up" in the C
Leaving out "such as" is too much shock to my head tune right now. I'll think on it
In the first line of V2, I was thinking of trying to get "Blue dot" in there
V 3-- line 3 at present I need "the" to match up with it's corresponding line on my preliminary tune
Yep, I will probably incorporate the biggest part of your suggestions
Thanks a bunch
Wy

Great one Wy. That's all, just great.
Patti

Thanks for looking it over Patti.
Great is good
<G>
Wy

Wyman,

It reads like a real good one!

Geneva

I agree. This one reads very good. There is not much more to comment on this one.

Hi Geneva,
Thanks for the good words.
I'm still tinkering with a couple things.
I took "Up" out of the first C line, Making it read --
"Take me to the stars".
But I wanted to leave "up" at the end , making that read--

Take me up to the stars
When we lay down tonight

So as to get the contrast between "up" and "down" , if anyone has an opinion on doing that
Thanks for coming by
Wy

Wy,

This is just so perfect, the perfect love story..I can't wait to hear it with music and I too think a male voice with a deep voice would do it justice....And I agree with you on the last Up...love it , just love it..glyn

Wy,
This is my first summer, so I didn't realize the boards are slow. I'm working on some stuff, but not done. Your lyric is fine with your minor change.

Actually, it is not that unusual for the same song to be covered successfully by both genders. In fact, there was one song that went to the top of the charts by both genders in the 1960's. I bet someone on this board knows what it is. If no one gets it, I'll tell you the one I am thinking of tomorrow.

Regretfully, you don't hear much of answer songs anymore. It was quite a trend in both the country and pop fields for a while. That is where a song is recorded by one gender, then the other one answers back; different lyrics but same melody. I wonder if this idea will ever come into vogue again. I hope it does.

Hi Brian and Brian again,
Yeah on both genders. It used to be a lot more common than now , seems like, specially in Country
The chart topper by both in the 60's, I should know and would know it if I heard it, I think. Country if I recall.
Right,I remember there being quite a few good answer songs in country,
These days it seem like you hear quite a few "parodies" but not many real "answer' songs.
Thanks for the return visit
Wy

Sounding good, Wy.

Just a mention: 'lay' should be 'lie'.

Donna

I KNEW IT!! I KNEW IT!!!<G>
I just went eenie , meenie, minie ,mo
Lay--lie---lie--lay
IN retrospect, I shoulda just said "recline" <G>
Well, anyway , "lie" alliterates in better
Uh thanks,
Wy
(Never did get much schoolin ya see <G>)

lol.. on the last post, very good song, hey! is there a place I can go to hear you Wyman? one of the things I enjoy most is getting to hear other people.

Hey Lane,
Thanks on the song
On listening--not really, I oughta' set upa site ,but a Komputer Klutz ya see. However 2 or 3 have offered to help me but the best reason is I'm too ornery to do it <G>.
Ricki has got a couple she put music to, that would be back on the MP3 board a few pages and Scott and a couple others.
I could probably find a link to my last actual cut(co write) which was Celtic.
I CAN get my own music done in a roundabout way but I hate doing it.
I've got several songs on CD's--demos and a few cuts. Probably could put together an album though it'd be pretty "varied"--Too ornery to do that too <G>
Probably way more than you wanted to know but thanks for asking <G>
Wy

LOL..well your honest. ok, I`m going back to find your music, won`t be that hard. i`ll leave a comment.

36 pages back..lol Goddess of the Night"
geez wyman thats a beautiful song.

Hi Wy, Really Good Love Song ya got here...& Donna made some really Good Sugs, too.

Got One Line-Change Sug for ya:
"Hit every high note as we go"...(K-O-S)

"Lie" is proper English here...tho "Lay" is so-often MIS used in Country..& Rock lyrics...it's almost debatable these days...

Good Luck with this Good'n', Amigo!~
Big Guy-Hugs,
Stan

Wy:

The song I mentioned that was a number one hit for both genders is "I heard it through the Grapevine" which was a number one hit for Gladys Knight, and then about a year later Marvin Gaye did a slower tempo version of the same song and it topped the charts again.

Hi Lane,
Thanks on Goddess.
That's what Ricki "heard" from my lyrics and yep I thought it came out pretty good, We were both pretty much on the same page.
Dance A Wild Rollaree was done after Goddess I think. i ran across it when I looked
Thanks for going to all that trouble--Anybody else woulda' looked it up for you <G>
Wy

Hey Wyman,

Nice Lyrics. I specifically like "We've been clearing a rocky road toward heaven And we rolled the last boulder today." Very good job on that.

David

I need to get back over here oftener
Hi Stan,
I'm kicking your sug line around. Probably better than what I had
What I really wanted To say was something like (Each note higher as we go" like it kept building up, but that doesn't seem to fit in right.
Thanks for looking it over
Wy

Never woulda' thought of that one Brian. I was thinking it was a country song.
I remember the Grapevine song quite well though. It WAS a good song
Thanks
Wy

Hi David,
I owe Donna for the "boulder"
I had rock instead of boulder but boulder alliterates in with rolled
Thanks for looking it over
Wy

Hi Wyman,
To me this is as close to a perfect lyric as I've seen.Great imagery,I feel definitely either gender will work...and I can hear it in several different genres,country,of course...also work as a great pop/rock song....many artists could cover this one...(although I feel male or female vocals would work,I think women would love to hear someone like Gavin Rossdale or John Mayer singing this to them)...great love song!
Michelle

Wyman,

(Im reading the revised version)

This is one beauty of a write!

The chorus is just gorgeous, and great separation in time in the verses IMO

Two things came to mind, depending on what you want with the song.

First, it actually reads off like contemporary country ballad to me, perhaps more obvious if you edited the line "And we rolled the last boulder today" to "And we rolled into/past Boulder today"

And secondly, I didn't get the first part of the bridge couplet. I would try to make the first line more plain, to serve the purpose of the country genre (if that's where it's heading).

Either way, it reads off beautifully to me. Great work!

At one time there were a lot of answer songs in country music, and some in pop as well. Best example probably is "The Wild Side of Life" by Hank Thompson and its answer "It Wasn't God Who Made Honky-Tonk Angels" by Kitty Wells. In 1981 Waylon and Jessi did a remake in which they merged both those songs into one.

Another well-known answer was with a song that was a chart-topper in 1960 on both the country and pop charts. Jim Reeves had a huge crossover hit with "He'll Have to Go." And then Jeanne Black, never to be heard from again, did the answer "He'll Have to Stay."

That the same year the Drifters had a monster hit with "Save the Last Dance for Me." Then another never to be heard from again female singer named Damita Jo did the answer "I'll Save the Last Dance for You." Many years later Emmylou Harris covered the original, making it another chart-topper for both genders.

And there was also a third version of "I Heard it through the Grapevine" by Credence Clearwater.

Many years ago I tried my hand at a country answer song. I came up with the male answer to Lacy J. Dalton's "Hillbilly Girl with the Blues". I titled it "Long Lasting Case of the Blues". Don't believe I still have that lyric, however.

Michelle!!!
Of "Single Mommy U" fame <G>
While we're doing this "Mutual admiration society" thing, there's a heckuva lot of potential in that song. The lyrics are very good, the timeing for the market is perfect and it'd fit Gretchen to a T ,as well as some others. I hope you still control it all yourself so you can do a different demo if you want
To this song--Thanks for the high praise. You give it a lot of ways to go all right. Most of my stuff comes out country if I have to do the music myself (In my roundabout way), but can go other ways according to what music is put to it
""""""""""""""I think women would love to hear someone like Gavin Rossdale or John Mayer singing this to them)...great love song!
"""""""""""" You must be another of those hopeless romantics Michelle <G>
Thanks for looking this over
Wy

Hey Magne,
Thanks for the good words.
""""""""And we rolled into/past Boulder today""""""""
That's a dang good line. I'm thinking it might carry a song itself---"Rolling Into Boulder" or "We're Rolling Past Boulder" or "Rollin' 'round Boulder" . Let me know if "YOU" use it cause if not, 'I' might. (I know titles aren't copyrightable but it's a couotesy thing to me.)
On the first Bridge line, 'course it's a reference back to old stories like The Arabian Nights, but I may have mixed in too many metaphors or something since they're already flying around.
Michele is going to let me go in several directions so I'm not sure yet on that. Could be several according to the music (IF any)
Thanks for the comments
Wy

You are free to use it Wy, I don't know a thing about Boulder..
The first line in the bridge "The mind's a magic carpet when two souls unite" are also a 'passive' line, you perhaps could turn 'active' by trying to reverse it "Two soul's unite...".. yeah, that's illuminating it is abstract :-)

I appreciate the courtesy!

Best of luck to ya..