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Leafs
by Gary E. Andrews - 05/01/24 01:05 PM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/25/24 01:36 AM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/24/24 10:25 AM
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by Sunset Poet - 04/24/24 08:09 AM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/23/24 10:08 AM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/23/24 12:41 AM
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Hi Everyone, Im working on songs with my collaborators her at JPF, but felt a little tired today. So this was all he wrote.. Let me know what you think? http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7556172© 2009 Magne Kolstad / The Songcabinet Jesus No MoreYou and me are not the same You’re safe and sound up there Im down here with all the shame And I’ve walked a thousand miles On my way to find your house But I’ve never looked, for your shelter before But Jesus, Jesus no more I can’t walk any longer Down that long lost road I never did believe What I never saw But now, my feet are so sore Please Jesus, Jesus no more You’ve shown me what sorrow is And you’ve shown me the pain Whoo I’ve had enough of this Now, I think I understand Tell me about the promised land Im lost down here, freezing from the cold And Jesus, Jesus no more I can’t walk any longer Down that long lost road I never did believe What I never saw But now, my feet are so sore Please Jesus, Jesus no more You were born in this pond Of men without love I too have had doubts I too have felt so secure But Jesus, Jesus no more I can’t walk any longer Down that long lost road I never did believe What I never saw But now, my feet are so sore Please Jesus, Jesus no more Please Jesus, Jesus no more
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Magne,
Nice Song with a good message. Melody fits the lyrics nice. Vocals sound really good. The only nit I have, and it is probably a personal thing, is the vocals being panned. I have never liked that and like to hear them in the center. Again that may just be me. Great song though. Well done!
Charles
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HIDee Mr M!
Quite Likeable, with-music! Enjoyed it..(& I don't USUALLY enjoy Christian Songs...they're usually The Same Old Song.)
2 lines I'd sug changing: 1) The Pond One...tho I Understand the kinda Imagery you're after there 2) I'd change "SO secure" to "INsecure". Otherwise, you're negating your message a bit.
Overall "KUDOS", Amigo!
Here in Florida there's a New Brouhaha a-Brewing, since the Vanity Car License Tags folks here are deciding IF there should be one of Christ on it. Yep..JC himself..arms spread out (So far that ya CAN'T see the Nails/Blood) reachin' up to Heaven, with his Crown of Thorns kinda hidden by the word "FLORIDA" at the top. But..it's By Popular Demand they'll prolly be issuing it.
Which'll greatly peeve the Muslims...Atheists..Devil-Woreshippers..etc...ALL of whom'll prolly want THEIR Special Tags issued TOO....
So much for the Separation of Church and State in OUR State, eh? ;-)>
Anyways, I enjoyed Your Song, & Good Luck with it, Amigo...Nice Voice ya got, Too!
Big Guy-Hug, Stan
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Hi Charles,
Thanks for listening!
I tend to make the same mistake when rendering the track, but I've fixed the panning issue now. Sorry about that.
Im glad you liked it.
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Hi Stan,
Thanks for lending your ear to this one.
I think of myself as a spiritual person, Im not particularly christian in a ritual way, but Jesus is definitely part of my spiritual vocabulary, so when the inspiration comes for a christian song, I just let it come out.
Thanks for your suggestions also, I am up for a rewrite on the lyrics as Im not really happy about the lifts, and neither the way I got the message in bridge assembled.
Yeah, the separation og church and state is an issue in Denmark too, as they go together right now. But I guess times are changing here too..
Thanks for the kudos, partner.
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oohhh that sounds so much better Magne! Man...I like the tone in your vocals. Very nice.
Charles
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Hi Charles,
Thanks for revisiting! It's always nice to get compliments. When I get the lyrics just right, I might demo this with piano and strings, something simple, and try to pitch it as Christian Contemporary.
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Hi Magne, liked the melody, reflective kind of tune. Not sure what your trying to say beyond I'm tired give me a break. I'd change the "I never believed what I never saw line" if you wanna make it a Christian song, cause that would mean the singer not a believer., unless your trying to say "I'm ready to believe now" The message is a little hard for me to understand, but it's early in the morning
http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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Magne you know I absolutely love your music and this one is so beautiful and the message is wonderful
love it Dan
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Hi Magne
I think this is absolutely beautiful, and you sing it so well, I'll be back tomorrow, to have another listen.
Goodnight I'm off to bed.
Michele Aussie fan
Last edited by Michele Bolton; 04/29/09 11:23 AM.
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I like the song. The idea is very good. The first three lines are very strong and set the stage in an excellent way. The vocals are strong and have just the right tone - strong but not harsh, with a nice rounded feel. The tempo strikes me as being just right.
Not my favorite line -- on my way to find your house -
Tom
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Hi Magne, Your singing voice is so good, you put emotion so naturally into every note you sing, your "pitch" is almost always perfect. You could make a career with simple settings like this, just you and a guitar. This song here is beautiful, you start out a little shaky, but by the end of V1 you're right there. I'm glad you are mixing your voice down the middle again Just curious, did you listen to "Piano Man" any time recently? I ask, cuz I hear bits of Joel's verse melody in yours! Don't worry...it' just a few notes here and there, and I'm just curious how we come to write the melodies we do, it's fascinating to me! best wishes, Mike
Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 04/29/09 09:38 PM.
Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice Fortune depends on the tone of your voice
-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon) from the song "Songs of Love" from the album "Casanova" (1996)
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Hi Louis,
Yeah, it is a reflective kind of tune, sort of confessional. It is a slight problem, cause you're right, the singer is not initially a beliver, so the song is about the singer giving in. Didn't think of that when writing - puts the potential singers for this in a bad position.
Thanks for listening and suggesting!
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Dan,
Thanks very much for giving your time to listen and comment!
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Hi Michele, Thanks for listning! Hope you like it as much in the morning
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Hi Tom,
Thanks for listening to this! It's very useful to have some pointers on what works, as this is up for a rewrite.
I used the 'house' line to illustrate that the singer was looking for Jesus in the big things, and the following 'shelter' line to illustrate that he more likely to be found in the small ones. But I've taken notice on your thoughs on the metaphor.
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Hi Mike, Thanks for listening and commenting! You're very generous with your compliments, thanks a lot. This is one of those first draft worktapes I have a habit of doing, and a 'live' recording of guit/vox at the same time. It's been a while since I listened to Billy's 'Piano Man', I like more his 'River of dreams' and 'New York state of mind', but of course the comparison is interesting. Melodies, yeah, interesting question. I do believe in Carl Jung's idea of the common unconscious, wich is often associated with writing music, and Csikszentmihalyi's ideas of 'flow'. So I try to write every day, even the bad ones, and then hope that pays the dues for catching one of the good ones from our common pool of songs
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Hi Magne
real Nice singing here . : ) jm
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Hi Everyone, Im working on songs with my collaborators her at JPF, but felt a little tired today. So this was all he wrote.. Let me know what you think? http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7556172© 2009 Magne Kolstad / The Songcabinet Jesus No MoreYou and me are not the same You’re safe and sound up there Im down here with all the shame And I’ve walked a thousand miles On my way to find your house But I’ve never looked, for your shelter before But Jesus, Jesus no more I can’t walk any longer Down that long lost road I never did believe What I never saw But now, my feet are so sore Please Jesus, Jesus no more You’ve shown me what sorrow is And you’ve shown me the pain Whoo I’ve had enough of this Now, I think I understand Tell me about the promised land Im lost down here, freezing from the cold And Jesus, Jesus no more I can’t walk any longer Down that long lost road I never did believe What I never saw But now, my feet are so sore Please Jesus, Jesus no more You were born in this pond- Not sure about the pond word. I would consider finding another word....Of men without love I too have had doubts- maybe say, like you, I had my doubts and felt so insecure, instead of the I, too... jmhoI too have felt so secureinsecureBut Jesus, Jesus no more I can’t walk any longer Down that long lost road I never did believe What I never saw But now, my feet are so sore Please Jesus, Jesus no more Please Jesus, Jesus no more I love this for the most part. It is a very sad song. It makes me think of personally when I am in alot of physical pain and the morphine is not touching it, as I have felt the same way. I felt like I have traveled too far down rocky paths. I just want some sort of resolution in this lyric. For him to see the light or feel his presence or his help somehow, to not sound like he is quitting all the way thru. But I really like your voice and the music is beautiful. Nice job! Kimberly
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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Magne,
Guess I'm with Louis on this. Right now it sounds like the singer is begging Jesus to quit, not going to Jesus for help. I think a few tweaks in the chorus would change the message just enough, so that the listener could relate to this person who is surrendering to Jesus. The melody works and your singing sounds wonderful, I would just tweak the lyric.
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Magne, I did not know you had this in you! Excellent. I am not a religious guy though I aspire to be. But I totally get this. Every person with a shred of spirituality goes through this. "Lord I knew you were going to test me but this is getting to the masochistic stage"! "you win I'm not strong enough".
Goosebump song Magne! Wish I would have wrote this.
Tom
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Magne- Your voice is absolutely beautiful! This is a great song. Congratulations on a job well done.
vicki
Open to co-writers and collaborations with other lyricists and/or musicians.
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Magne,
Amazing, perfect, beautiful....
Letha
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Magne, you have a really pleasant singing voice. As sad and desperate as the lyric is, I still found the melody and your performance very soothing.
I think I would have liked to hear the instrumentation brought up to the front just a weee bit. Not enough to drown out the vocal, of course. That's just something that crossed my mind on the first listen. But that's a very minor issue.
This was a really beautiful song. Nice job.
Greg
If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding.
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As a minister's daughter, this was very touching. The conflict especially. Really loved it. It hit me on a personal level, and I loved the melody and vocals as well.
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Magne,
This is such a nice song! Personally, I like it as is. For me, all songs do not need a resolution. This is a spiritual stream of consciousness lyric. The singer is simply saying how he feels as life's problems unfold. Thus, for me, a resolution is not necessary in this song. I love it as is.
It embodies my Christian belief that one must seek God's/Jesus' love, protection and salvation in order to receive it. To me, this lyric is simply about a man moving that direction.
You have a great voice and sing with a lot of pssion. I enjoyed my listen very much.
Alan
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Hi Joice,
Thanks. I appreciate it!
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Hi Kimberly,
Thanks for listening.
On the issue of resolution, I actually constructed the music so the verses created tension, and the chorus as resolving that tension. Lyrically I also see it as some kind of resolution on the singers troubles, that he finally gives in.
But of course I note your comment, as this is apt to change in the rewrite.
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Hi Wendy,
Thanks for listening!
Yes, you're right he begs Jesus to quit to get a break. I thought of this as the relief you sometimes get when letting go, but I agree with you that this is not apparent in the lyric.
I tend to write too artistically sometimes, so Im glad I have Janice to sort these issues out. She's phenomenal at that particular part.
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Hi Tom,
Thanks for listening!
Your comments about 'getting it' makes me very happy, as I believe songwriting is all about that.
And the wish you have wrote this, makes me very proud. Never had a comment like that before - thanks!
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Thanks Vicki,
Im quite overwhelmed by the comments on this one. Im glad it is enjoyable.
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Now Letha,
Those superlatives rightfully belong to you, but Im glad you lend them to me for this thread. I promise you'll get'em back :-)
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Hi Greg,
Thanks for your comments!
Yes, I agree with the instrumentation. I want to keep the demo for this quite simple, but I plan changing the instrumentation to piano, bass and perhaps stringes. Something simple anyway..
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Hi Polly,
You are a ministers daughter.. very interesting. Well, I guess we all have our quarrels with belief from time to another. One of my main values in my songwriting is to put such inner quarrels to display, and portraying people who have them as deeply rooted people, as I believe the dilemmas in life are a source for love and compassion.
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Hi Al,
Thanks for listening and commenting!
I think you nailed what this song is about, completely.
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I liked the emotion in the vocal
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