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Leafs
by Gary E. Andrews - 05/01/24 01:05 PM
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by Fdemetrio - 04/25/24 01:36 AM
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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 313
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 313 |
Foolish bones
When she left I cried I almost died I could not be left alone I was prone to end my misery In pursuit of foolish bones
I was young and crazy left for lazy Not a thing did I own So I’d spend my lazy crazy days In pursuit of foolish bones
I yelled and hollered spent my dollars As if I had it all And I drank the sea of iniquity In pursuit of foolish bones
(break)
When She came along it was like a song From an old familiar ‘frain That you always heard but forgot the words Till you heard it once again
There was love outside it was open wide Living life and breathing air When the angels sang this was how it rang When it rang inside my ears
But I did not see the road was calling me so I left her all alone And I lost my way to this very day In pursuit of foolish bones
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 9,186
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 9,186 |
Hi I imagine this to be tongue in cheek -- anyway you got a smile from me - here are some sugs to make it more conversational and to enforce the rhymes.. kos jm Foolish bones When she left I cried I almost died I could not be left alone I was prone to end my misery In pursuit of foolish bones I was young and crazy TAGGED for lazy NotHING TO CALL MY own I’d spend my lazy Hazy days In pursuit of foolish bones I yelled and hollered spent my dollars As THOUGH I had it all I SWALLOWED the sea of iniquity In pursuit of foolish bones (break) When She came along it was like a song From an old familiar REfrain A SONG YOU SUNG but forgot the words Till you heard it once again The love outside was openED wide Living life and breathing air BY MY SIDE angels sang, CYMBALS CLANGED RINGING inside my ears But I did not KNOW the road was HOME 'TIL I left her all alone And I'M LEFT TO ROAM to this very day In pursuit of foolish bones
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 21
Casual Observer
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Casual Observer
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 21 |
THis flows OK. Some of the rhymes are a little "tired", but that can work for some songs.
I only have two issues, really. The first line and the cried/died rhyme, and the words "foolish bones". I don't know what that means! I like the sound, but have only the vaguest idea what you are talking about - which might be a problem for a hook.
Mind you, I'm not an American and it may speak directly to your audience. If so, ignore me.
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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 313
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 313 |
nice touch, joyce marie there's some good stuff here to consider tx
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