JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum When That Hammer Comes Down

EDIT: 8/3: Here's version #3

Hello again, I was on a self-imposed songwriting hiatus -- not because I was tired of writing lyrics, but due to my inept singing (lol!). And to drive that point home, here is a tune I wrote last night. JD Patterson posted the backing track over at the fender forum. Seemed like a nice country tune with plenty of changes in it, so I thought of some lyrics. I tried a couple of times, but I just couldn't hit the beginning -- but I do think it gets better as it goes along.

MP3: http://soundclick.com/share?songid=5613482

For this tune, I would welcome any collaboration (lyrics and singing, music) from an interested party. I think the chorus is pretty decent.

Here is a link to the backing track without my vocals (and guitar): http://www.soundclick.com/bands/songInfo.cfm?bandID=633057&songID=5607118

********************************************************
When That Hammer Comes Down
(Lyrics: Emmrich / Music: JD Patterson,Emmrich)
(c)Kevin Emmrich, 2007

(verse 1) I'm sitting 'round the fire
Waiting for that last ember to expire
Thinking back on what went wrong
Made me sing a sad ole country song

(verse 1) Sometimes love ends like a dying fire
Will that last ember ever expire?
Other times there's a great commotion
and it ends with a big explosion
and it ends like a nuclear explosion

(chorus) When that hammer comes down
I don't want to be around
It's a messy situation
From which there'll be no salvation

('B' Verse?) Oh, I've heard it all before
With me you'll sweep this floor
Well just don't think that you're the first
To kick me on out the door.

(verse 2)So I am on the road again
Think I might end up where I began
Hey, there's a honky tonk up ahead
I need love, but a beer will do instead
I need love, but a beer will have to do instead

(chorus)When that hammer comes down
I don't want to be around
It's a messy situation
From which there'll be no salvation

***********************************************

Kevin

Pretty cool, Love the title. Great backing track they did.

I think your singing is just fine...lot better than mine! And the song you wrote over that backing track is really good too. Could listen to plenty more of this!

Gerry

Louis: I believe this guy just finds freely available loops on the internet and then just strings them together. Sometimes they come out great and sometimes they can be train wrecks (lol)! The title seems to be a keeper, but I think verse 1 needs the most help!

Gerry: Thanks for the encouragement. I think I did OK as the song went on, but line 1 in verse 1 is tough for me to listen to. I tried a few times, but couldn't get anywhere with it. I might try another take or two on that part tonight, but I am leaving on a 10-day beach (and work) trip tomorrow morning and I don't know if I will have the time.

Thanks for listening!!! Looks like there are lots of new songs in the MP3 forum -- I am way behind on my listening.

Kevin

I was thinking of changing verse one to something more like this:

(verse 1) Sometimes love ends like a dying fire
Will that last ember ever expire?
Other times there's a great commotion
and it ends like a nuclear explosion

(chorus) When that hammer comes down ....

I think it would fit in with the chorus better. I still haven't decided on line 2 yet. However, I don't think I will be able to try it out tonight --> I'm packing for a 10 day road trip to the beach.

Kevin

Hi Kevin.I like this tune.Keep working at your vocals...practice makes perfect.

Michael,

Thanks, I have recorded it again with the new 1st verse and I tried to clean up a couple of other places. I added "harmony" on chorus #1, but I am thinking of getting a collection of folks together to do the chorus a la "Friends in Low Places" (I am in the low country - south carolina - right now!). Maybe I'll get a new version posted in a few days.

Kevin

Argh! Couldn't wait -- here's the interim version.

MP3: http://www.soundclick.com/bands/songInfo.cfm?bandID=620106&songID=5613482

Kevin

Hi Kevin,

You are improving

This bit didn't work for me

nuclear explosion

Just didn't seem to sing very well... could be there are too many syllables throwing out your meter...

Otherwise my only other nit ... I'd lift the vocal just a tad in the mix

nice work
Cheers

Noel

It swings. It's well performed and well recorded... and I think your voice actually sounds like the guy from the Thrills. My only criticism is that some of those rhymes sound forced. Better not to rhyme at all than force one. The musicianship is pretty tight. I appreciate the solo being at the end and fading out. Nice touch.

Noel: I agree with you on "Nuclear Explosion". I think I can change the line to ...ends with a big explosion and it will sing better. (Edit: The vocals seem loud enough to me, but I'll check that out again.)

Panama: Forced sounding rhymes is never a good thing! I'll see what I can do about that -- are there any in particular that really "stand out" to you?

Thanks for listening and commenting -- I do try and incorporate improvements whenever possible. I have to fix the "beer instead" line, so I'll re-do the "explosion" line also.

Kevin

commotion - explosion, situation - salvation... and I don't think talking about embers "expiring" works either only since nobody really talks like that. It just seemed like you were trying to use big words. I don't think there's anything wrong with using tried and tested rhymes as long as the subject is still yours.

Panama: Oops, I think I talk that way (maybe that's why no one listens to me!!). I posted a new version with a couple of things improved, but the big word syndrome still exists. I'll have to think about that one for a while -- but there's always a solution. Thanks for explanation.

New version: a) Nuclear explosion --> big explosion ;
b) "have a beer instead" line.

Version 3:
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/songInfo.cfm?bandID=620106&songID=5613482


Kevin

Hi Krvin,

Greatful Dead fan?

I like the dry throaty vocals, do get those wrong notes fixed and you'll be alright.

Love the chorus...yeah it's those harmonies and the guitar lick that remind me of Garcia and company...

Very nice overall!!

Mike

well i really think this one has good potential in its idea/theme but the music-to me-is really muddy and mixed.....i think u got that comment earlier-sounds like a mix of instrumentals from folks who never met or heard what the other was doing....sorry to say that cause i think-as i said-u got a good basic thing going.....just need to clear up-tighten up the instrumentals

TOM

CloseMike: Actually I am a Grateful Dead fan (but I don't have any of their albums!) When I get brave enough, I'll have my wife listen and get her to point out the worst "notes" and I'll fix those. Thanks for the listen.

WriterTomYeager: The music is just loops pasted together by someone else. One of these days I will get to composing my own backing tracks. Right now, I just stumble upon backing tracks, hear lyrics and then try and put a song together. In a perfect world, I will find a collaborator who will write perfect music, fix my lyrics, sing fantastically and have connections in the music industry -- all leading to a hit single (and then I'll live on the beach). Until then, I am just trying to have fun.

Kevin

Hey Kevin:

Dig the music and the hook for this. I could almost imagine the Band doing this with Rick Danko singing it.

Lyric-wise, the chorus and V2 worked great for me. Other lyrics were OK, just not as strong, imo.

Cool song - keep bouncing the lyrics around in your brain for awhile - it'll be worth it.....

Scott

Hey Kevin..

I didn't recognize your voice. Sounds pretty cool. Music track is great. Just needs a little tightening up lyrically and melodically.

It's very close.

Rick